You have three wishes........

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

Being a Goddess, I’ve taken it upon myself to give you an idea of what the official wish-granter result would be of your wishes. All vagueness will be taken advantage of. I’ve tried to stay in tune with the classic Greek Goddess way of granting wishes. Here goes:

Anti Pro:

I would wish all our debts were paid in full, with cash.
I wish DJ and Billy to experience true happiness in their lives.
I wish that U.S. government officials would start doing what is best for our country rather than just what is best for themselves, or their constituents.

– OK, Anti-Pro. You get in a horrible car wreck, and are disabled for the rest of your life. However, the insurance settlement is more than enough to pay your bills in full, with cash. There’s also enough $$ to give to DJ & Billy, who immediately start hounding you for more. Seeing as you’re disabled and dependent upon them, you capitulate. They’re happy, for the rest of their lives.

– Hmmm… that third one is difficult. You win the “No Vagueness” prize on that one.

SPOOFE Bo Diddly:

Omnipotence
Omniscience
A bigger penis (12" minimum)

– You get omnipotence and omniscience. Unfortunately, the two of 'em together drive you nuts. You turn into a crazy God, and the rest of us Gods hunt you down and turn you into a spider.

– You get a huge penis - so big that it hurts any potential partner. They can’t fit it in their mouth, either. Bummer!

Nacho4Sara:

I wish that ten million dollars in my name would show up in a Swiss account, and the information about the account would show up in my pocket.

– and soon afterwards, the police show up at your door, corroborate the evidence with the bank statement info, and determine that you’ve stolen all the gold from Fort Knox. You go to jail.

I wish that all the books I write and the one I am writing now would get published to critical acclaim and praise, and maybe even get in the Oprah Book Club.

– The Christian Scientists publish your books, and in typical Christain Science ways (ie, buying 'em all up themselves) make them a best seller. Oprah puts them in her book club, along with “Battleship Earth”, after converting to Christian Science.

I wish that everyone I love, family and friends, will find happiness and love throughout their lives.

– Hmmm, once again, vague yet difficult to screw up. OK, you get the “No Vagueness” prize, and I gotta grant your wish.

evilbeth & aseymayo:

More wishes

– can’t beat that one, you get more wishes, and a “No Vagueness” prize.

concrete:

I wish had my wife back.

– I feel bad poking fun at this one - my condolences, Concrete. Your wish is granted.

chief:

i wish i thought of this post

i would wish for a time travel machine.

– Hmmm… you get a time travel machine, go back a day or two, and post this post!
Snark:

  1. A Papa John’s pizza with the Works.

– “The Works” now includes dead, slimey, decayed rats. You get one.

  1. Peace on earth.

– All humans are killed in freak testlab virus accident. The earth is now peaceful.

  1. Rose.

– Rose the person? Rose the Flower? Whichever one it is, you get the other.

Danielinthewolvesden:

  1. that the genie interpret my wishes in a way most favorable to me and the spirit of the wishes

– Damn, that’s good. OK, with a couple of ox thighs sacrificed to me, you get all yer stinkin’ wishes. Us Goddess are suckers for bribes.

  1. for good fortune, above average luck, nothing exraordinary, but nothing unlikly & bad would ever happen ( the chances of being in a plane crash are…)

– Granted.

  1. for excellent health.

– Granted.

phouka:

  1. To be in perfect health (including eyesight, hearing, and all that)

– You figure out a way to harvest organs from other humans. The process is extremely painful, but you do it to keep yourself and the other people willing to pay top dollar healthy.

  1. To have enough money and a little bit more.

– See the above. You make a lot of $$

  1. More wishes.

– Hmmmm… I guess in the spirit of evilbeth and aseymayo I gotta grant this.
SwimmingRiddles:

A neverending source of money that was obtained by reputable means, from which a portion has previously been invested in the stock market to pay off taxes.

– You seen the stock market lately? You want this wish, you got it. You get the money, but it’s quickly goes down to nothing due to the sucky stock market. Plus, it was in the form of stock options, which are subject to AMT tax. You exercised the damn things, end up owing a gazillion in tax, and they all devalue enough that they’re not worth even the tax money. The IRS comes and puts you to work cleaning toilets in their offices.

Luckily, you still have two wishes.

peaches8:

  1. Good health for Everyone on earth

– The typical: your loved ones, any potential loved ones, and most of yer friend on the SDMB are killed off in return for good health for all the stupid mean folk left.

  1. unlimited chocolate

– Athena, the Goddess of Wisdom, cannot but agree with such a wish. Unlimited Chocolate for Peaches8 and Athena.

3.Bill

– You get a plethora of bills in the mail every day, all addressed to you. You gotta pay 'em, even though you didn’t rack 'em up.
Da Ace:

Eternal Youth (in at least as good health as I have today)

You get Eternal Youth, but you also never learn, never mature, stay exactly the same as you are now. Until you’re hit by a truck, that is.

Vast Wealth

Ever hear of “Midas”? The king, not the mufflers. Everything you touch turns to gold.

and save #3 in case I’ve forgotten something

Damn… there should be a statute of limitations on these things. You use one, you gotta use the rest in the same post.

Yankee Blue:

  1. I wish to speak fluently the next 10 [different] languages I hear.

– You now speak Pig Latin, Ebonics, Esperanto, Southern Redneck, New York Cabbie, Jamaican Patois, Ancient Greek, Sanskrit, that language they speak on the kids show “Zoom”, and Furby fluently.

  1. I wish neither me nor mine ever have accounts that fall under [a to be determined later] amount. Nothing flashy, just nice and stable.

– Sure, that’s just fine. As long as you don’t mind being the “Soilent Green” megamillionaire businessman.

  1. I wish that I, and every body I love, ever loved, will ever love, have long, perfectly healthy, and successful [their idea of success] lives.

– Damn, another vague yet hard to screw up one. You got it.

No thanks are needed - just doing my Goddessly duties. Any other takers?

–

22

Luckily, all of my wishes can be found on e-bay.

Selmer Mark VI tenor saxophone:
http://cgi.ebay.com/aw-cgi/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=333369961

Selmer Series II baritone saxophone:
http://cgi.ebay.com/aw-cgi/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=329463444

Original John Coltrane “Blue Train” album on Blue Note:
http://cgi.ebay.com/aw-cgi/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=330994785

Anybody want to be my Sugar Daddy?

23

I’ve actually thought about this a lot! Here are my wishes:

  1. That my daughter didn’t have CP. Further, that it would seem to everyone that she had never had it. Pictures and memories and video and everything – it would be as if she never had it at all. Even I would forget about the whole 3 wishes thing as soon as the Genie left.

  2. That the family finances were extremely healthy in a realistic way. That we had made all the best financial decisions (like buying some good stocks) decisions over the years, had A-1 credit and more in the bank than we do now. This would include getting back the thousands we’ve spent on Dori’s health over the years. As in wish #1, no one would notice any difference now – it would be as if we’d alwasys just been extra lucky and smart financially and the lucky smartness would continue all of the days of our lives.

3a). I would ask the Genie if he wished to be free. If so, I would use my last wish to make him so. OR, if he was happy in his genie-ness:

3b). This is so shallow! I would wish that Dori and I looked good all our lives. Not different, just the best versions of ourselves. For us to stay in our target weights without worry over diet and exercise; for us to have good skin and as few wrinkles as believable; etc. Also, as in wishes #1 and #2, it would be as if it had always been thus.

I figure that, even if the Genie didn’t take me up on wish #3a, showing him that courtesy may make him less likely to screw my wishes up out of mischief. Also, of course, it would be a good deed, even if he didn’t accept it and doing a good deed is always a good thing!

24

All questions of vagueness aside I’d wish for:

  1. $100,000 US. That’s all I really need.

  2. Admission to the Master’s program in linguistics at MIT, and all the knowledge I’d need to accomplish that myself.

  3. That I die before anymore of my loved ones do. I don’t think I could go through that again.

25

Well I saw the last part of the show and I was incensed with the weaselly way the “genie” fulfilled Mulder’s wish of “peace on earth.” It’s impossible for her to change the “heart and soul” of every human being, but it’s possible for her to make everyone in the world disappear? Puuuhhhlllleeeeaaaze! (And I don’t usually say that.)

My first wish:
a) That the genie grow up already and stop playing childish games with misinterpretations of people’s wishes.
b) Peace on Earth.
c) That the Genie become a normal person so she can have the ## cup of coffee that she wanted so much.

26

Well done Goddess Athena, I bow to your infinite wisdom, sharp come backs, and merciful wishes granted. * I wasn’t going to touch the twelve inch penis! *

** Sue Na ** Unfortunately when you get your 100,000 the IRS shows up the same day and you’ll not only lose the money but probably go to jail, sorry. However the other two wishes were so good that they should be granted.

** Jess, ** your wishes are so compassionate, they too should be granted.

My hat is off to those of you who have watched X-Files ( the show not the new poster!) and tried anticipating the genie going ‘witchie’ on you! You were granted wisdom for your wishdom!

27

Thank you, Anti Pro. Nice to be noticed every once in a while.

And Damn! Did I ever screw up the spelling & grammar on that post! Guess that’s what I get for posting and writing code at the same time. Wait a minute… shit, I better go look at that code I wrote…

28

1> Enough money to make me comfy
2> That my daughter is smarter with decisions than I ever was…Oh and that her husband, one day, isnt named Spike… <whoops, is that two wishes?>
3> That all the unanswered questions I have about life stuff would be answered.

29

Perfect Health

Financial Independence

A Long Life (100+ years)

I’d take care of the rest, having the time and money to help those in need.

30

Financial Independence for myself, and all of my immediate family; earned through legitimate means.

Perfect Health, for myself and all those I love.

To live a very long life with lots of my loved ones around me, say around 120 or so.

With these things, I can take care of all those I love, and anyone else in genuine need.
HEY!!! I was just previewing and saw that VB put almost the same things. How odd is that?!?! :stuck_out_tongue:

31

1.I wish that all the wishes of the above and below posters would come true.

2.That no one goes hungry

  1. that I live to see how my sons turn out.
32

Mike, I do believe the grand wish prize goes to you! Now you can really exclaim, ** aha! **

** Athena, when you post well, say everything that needs to be said, you automatically win a grammar pass, didn’t you know that?? ** :smiley:

33

AHA!

34

  1. That my brothers are cured of muscular dystrophy and given back their health mentally and physically. And they can have a life.

  2. That my father in law walks like he did before his accident and is cured of his paralysis.

3.That I never have to weed my garden and lawn again ( at the home I live in now. Not being transformed into living in some apartment.)

35

Hmm, Athena, pretty good job, but I think I can make some emendations. First off, requests for more wishes can be handled a couple of ways: The easy way, is that everyone has plenty of wishes already. Notice that nobody asked to have extra wishes granted. The somewhat more difficult, but suitibly malicious way, is for the djinn to put the wisher into a loop, making the same wishes repeatedly.
Also, some specifics: Yankee Blue’s wish

OK, all of you and yours’ accounts get closed.
Danielinthewolvesden:

Nice try, but the djinn interprets that first wish before it goes into effect-- Therefore, the djinn gets to decide what’s favorable to you.
aha: (and by the way, consider yourself officially welcomed by the only (I think) relativist on the board)

Very dangerous-- You’ve just caused ALL of the bad things to happen.
chief: Your time travel machine only works one way, and at a set speed. A big cardboard box with “time machine” scrawled onto the side in magic marker will work just fine for that.

As you may have guessed from my interpretation of these wishes, I’d never risk it, myself, unless I was darned sure of the source.

36

By the way, the three wishes from the short story The Monkey’s Paw were: Wealth (satisfied by the head of houshold being killed in a car crash, bringing in the insurance money), that he be restored to life (as a a zombie), and it’s implied that the third wish is to undo the first two, but it’s not stated whether it works.

37

Actually, it was the son, not the head of the household, who died and came back as a zombie.

Anyway, between reading the above short story and playing lots of Dungeons & Dragons with DMs who were notorious for ‘monkeypawing’ wishes (I’m one of them ;)), I learned to be extra careful with wishes. Any wishes for powerful items or large amounts of treasure would result in said treasure being teleported to you from the horde of, say, a big, nasty dragon, and a note saying who has the stolen goods would be left in its place. The safest wishes weren’t the ones that came with three paragraphs of qualifiers (the longer the wish, the more potential for monkeypawing) but the ones that asked for low-powered stuff or help for others.

In RealLife™, however, I don’t think that I’d mess with wishgranting beings. They usually delight in slinging the monkey paws. Drop me into a nuclear reactor and give me superpowers, but wishes are bad news.