Whenever a space movie is released there is some old whiny pedant saying that the conversations couldn’t be happening because of the lag time for travel back to Earth base.
So, as a favour to these people I intend a series of boutique directors cut editions of various space classics [think like the explosion of colourisation re-releases that took place in the early 1980s], where we buy the rights and add the requisite interval between phrases in each exchange between space traveller and Earth. Everything else remains unchanged but the movie becomes soooo much more accurate.
A standard 90 mins improved thusly would run just shy of 9 hours, and package up in its own deluxe VHS-Beta-BluRay box set release. Strengthen your shelving, old dudes!
A remake of A Christmas Story. You’ll need a new kid for Ralphie, and other new kids, but the adults! Salaries alone could run 100 million:
Will Ferrell as The Old Man
Scarlett Johansson as Mrs. Parker
Rosanne Barr as Miss Shields
Zack Ward as male Elf
Christine Powrie as lead Elf
Tom Hanks as Santa Claus, the guy in line (“Hey kid! Where ya going?”) played by Jean Shepherd originally, The Christmas tree salesman, and the Chinese restaurant owner “Bo Ling”.
And filmed in front of a green screen with cgi sets.
Use the original script. Directed by Ron Howard. original score by John Williams.
The problem with remake ideas is that odds are even joke answers are close to actually being true.
There’s been MULTIPLE attempts at remaking Casablanca that have thankfully all died off usually with whatever flavor of the month pop culture couple. I would not be surprised if SOMEBODY was pitching a Casablanca remake right now starring Taylor Swift.
There was an attempt at remaking Commando in the 2010s with Sam Worthington but “reimagined” as a serious film with no jokes.
There’s current talks of doing a remake of Its A Wonderful Life but set in modern days with an all black cast with “current sensibilities” and I know for a fact if that’s made nobody is going to watch it.
The “most successful”, for certain degrees of successful, was 1996’s Pam Anderson film Barb Wire, which despite no one drawing attention to it (the Wikipedia article doesn’t mention it at all, though IMDB does), was basically Casablanca in a post-apocalyptic world. With Pam in the Bogart role.
It’s probably better than no one claimed it was a remake. It was hated enough as it was!
1984’s Overdrawn at the Memory Bank, with Raul Julia, tried to be a cyberpunkish remake combined with the John Varley short story, it just sucked at it. It tried to be two things and failed at both. Fortunately, not many people have seen it.
True, and a very worthy consideration, but clearly somewhat fanciful. Instead, I was banking on this bold move leading to a resurgence in video, similar to the way that vinyl has come back.
A big part of the budget is strategic buying [re-buying] premium video store locations in shopping and suburban districts, if necessary paying out existing tenants.
The Illuminatus! Trilogy, by Robert Shea and Robert Anton Wilson, Lord of the Rings-style - three megabudget 3-hour movies, filmed back-to-back and released a year apart. Sex, drugs, rock n’ roll, aggressively non-linear storytelling, more sex and drugs, Atlantean ruins, eldritch horrors, undead Nazis and one suspiciously large apple. Rated NC-17.
I had a weird experience involving that movie. At the time, I had no idea anyone had even made a movie of that story. Yet I walked into a movie room at an SF convention where it was playing and almost instantly knew that that was on the screen.
Remake the Oogieloves movie, but with even more expensive cast and crew. Only hire dramatic actors who have proven to be unable to do comedy or approach children.
Note: If you value your mental health, don’t watch the trailer for the original.
One that might get greenlit: Some Lovecraft stories, but with extra racism.
Probably a documentary. On textiles. In twelve parts over twenty three hours. Featuring an in depth look at various textiles, their manufacture, a comprehensive look at plants unsuitable for making textiles, legal issues regarding textile production, which individual fabrics were preferred by the mayors of hundreds of small American towns over the last three centuries (with archival footage) and the authors on ranked lists of the world’s most boring novels. Translated from The Esperanto, with subtitles in both English and Esperanto. With added CGI, and at least one episode where the script is written using Chat GTP.
I’ve talked to several producers that can deftly siphon off a great deal of money into…other interests…not related to the movie (like cocaine, for example)
My entry into this thread is, and I haven’t read past the above quote, so forgive me if it’s been taken already, a screen adaptation of Calculon’s one-man stage show “Calculon is HAL-9000”
Somewhat similarly, adapt a certain popular British sci-f/fantasy TV show for the big screen. When other characters interact with the main character, they refer to him as “Doctor Who.”
Bat Masterson
with George Clooney as Batman, and Danny Masterson
as Robin.
And an assortment of hated-but-really-expensive actors portraying forgotten/minor/marginalized DC characters. Like…
.
.
Great idea (how much would it cost to cast Prince Harry?), right up until some studio executive discovers Matt Fraction’s brilliant " Who Killed Jimmy Olsen?" series and oops, you’ve got a hit on your hands…
More of a “Waiting for Kirk” with O’Brien, Kyle and Scotty sitting around telling tales, while they wait for someone to use the transporter. And they can’t sit down!.
