My step-father cheated on my mother and she did not find out for four years, when a friend finally told her. Up to that point, it was common knowledge among my parents’ friends. She still has not forgiven many of her closest friends for not telling her. My point with this anecdote is that, contrary to some people’s statements in this thread, the person being cheated on does not always know.
That being said, if you don’t really know these people, I’d stay the hell out of it.
To the best of my knowledge, my wife has never cheated on me. I don’t think I would believe a stranger telling me she is cheating on me. I would feel betrayed if friends knew she was having an affair, and didn’t tell me. I don’t think I understand why the OP wants to do something about it. I do know that if someone were to tell my wife that I was having an affair, which I am not and never have and hopefully never will, I would be plenty pissed, because they would be wrong.
I think the best diku can do, is make offhand disparaging remarks about cheaters when around the cheaters themselves, and just generally act like she (why do I assume diku is female?) despises them. Maybe that will satisfy her sense of moral outrage.
keep your mouth shut and head down. no one will thank you for your ‘help’, and [as i have seen before] you will end up the target of recriminations from one if not both sides.
Get some photographic evidence of the affair, then blackmail the cheating parties for as much as you can get out of them. Well, that is what I would do.
What does this have anything to do with privacy?
No matter what other people might prefer or expect of you, you have a right not to tell even if it is your own kinfolk.
And it is most unwise to become involved in this situation in any way. Why do you need to manage this? This is at the top of the column that says “Not Anyone’s Business.” You cannot fix it. Let it go.
I know you meant well and that’s why you asked.
The police do not like to get in the middle of domestic fights. They got guns. And you wanna make 4 people mad at you in this domestic situation?
*::"I love that stammer and the deer in the headlight look that people get when they open the door to violence and more walks in than they ‘thought’ would and their last words are, “I didn’t think. …” :: *
Well, this is something I know about. I found out at 14 that my father was cheating on my mother, close family friends knew and said nothing and to this day she cannot forgive them. I always felt as if they should be looking out for her best interest yet they chose silence. I am sure they had their reason for doing so. And in that silence it came across to me as acceptance of the situation; yet I find myself in that very spot now. My boss and his assistant are having an affair. His wife has no clue and her husband is just blind.
Do I say something? No… I figure in the end the ugly will expose itself and in time I will focus elsewhere. Why?
Because nothing will come of my telling, if they do not clue in then it is not my place to expose the affair because the clues are there and blantent and if I can see them why can’t they?
I do not live with these people & I get it so if they do not it is their blindness not mine.
Unless you walked in on these people IN THE ACT, you do not have definitive proof. And if you did walk in on them, they already know to be more careful or quit.
MYOB
Hmmmm, what a hard decision.
If you say something, the families will definitely be hurt…
If you keep it to your bloody self, the families will only maybe be hurt…
What the heck isn’t clear about that?
To the people who said “mind your own business,” do you like to be kept in the dark about things you should know?
Just curious.
To the people who said “mind your own business,” do you like to be kept in the dark about things you should know?
If my husband were having an affair, for one thing, I’d know it.
Even if I didn’t know it, yes, I would be pretty damn pissed if a complete stranger made it their business to tell me.
One more chiming in with the “ignore it” chant. If you knew one of the adulterees and they were a good friend of your’s, then it’d be a completely different situation. But if they’re all third party people, I’d just let it go.
If I believed the word of a complete stranger - without some really freaking solid obvious proof, like videotape of the act itself or whatever - over believing my husband wouldn’t cheat on me, I’d question my own trust issues first.
No, but I wouldn’t want to hear my husband was cheating on me from a stranger.
First of all, I wouldn’t believe it, unless I already suspected something.
Secondly, even though I wouldn’t believe it, it might shake my trust enough to damage the relationship. Which if he was cheating on me might be a good thing. But if he really wasn’t cheating on me would be terrible.
Third, some people have “arrangements.” Its my experience that when you are in one of these arrangments, you don’t want complete strangers to tell you your husband is cheating on you (which, if you know, he isn’t).
If diku were friends with anyone, my position would be different. I think your friends do have a responsiblity to clue you into these things. And I think my husband’s friends have a responsibility to at least whack him upside the head with a stick - if not tell me.
If a complete stranger came up to me and said something like that? I think it would 1) piss me off at them more than my SO 2) make me doubt the information and 3) make me wonder what they had to gain by putting their nose in my business. You don’t know if there are any kind of “arrangements” made or anything…like has been pointed out this could seriously backfire on you in a lot of ways.
diku, why do you feel the need to do anything about this at all? You don’t even know the people. Don’t you think it’s kind of strange that the actions of strangers bother you so much? It’s not like they are abusing a child or something - if two people you don’t know, whose spouses you don’t know, want to sleep with each other, how on earth can that concern you?
You cannot possibly KNOW for sure they are having an affair unless you walked in on them having sex. And if “you” know about it - at umpteen times removed from the parties involved - you can bet everyone else knows too. So mind your own business.
I'm with snoopy. Right on.
Everyone should keep their mouths shut.