You go to the grocery store and buy frozen dinners for the whole week because you don’t want to deal with cooking for you or your child.
You put your pajamas on after you get out of the shower and stay in them all weekend, even when you go to the store.
You don’t do your hair or make-up all weekend and it doesn’t bother you.
You wait until the last minute to do laundry and you only wash what is absolutely necessary to wear for the week for you and your child.
Your four year old child takes on the responsibility of cheering you up and entertaining you.
and…all you want to eat is junk food.
What do you do when you are depressed? I would like to think that I am not the only one here that slacks off when they are depressed.
Seriously, I find that the best thing I can do when I’m depressed* is to make myself get outside this apartment. Go for a walk, whatever. Whether I get myself out of the pajamas or not, just to see something different.
*By depressed, I assume you mean the blues, down in the dumps, not a case of clinical depression, something I’ve never experienced.
The combination of modern anti-depressants and therapy can be quite helpful in treating depression. Left untreated, it can have a terrible impact not only on oneself, but on one’s family, especially young children.
Although depressionet is an Australian site, it offers a wealth of resources for prople dealing with depression, including a 24/7 chat room with an “emergency” button which allows chatters to contact a d-team member, as well as a messageboard.
The site is used by many people outside Australia, and everyone is welcome.
Yes, it’s a case of the blues. I have never been diagnosed with clinical depression before. I am just feeling really down this weekend all because I had made some poor choices and now I am living with the consequences. Live and Learn.
My daughter has been great. She makes me laugh. I have been trying to be active with her this weekend, I just find it impossible at times. Especially when I don’t want to get off the couch.
I’m with Qadgop here. One of the things that inspired me to seek treatment for depression was the fear that I was going to affect my son’s outlook. I thought it wasn’t fair for him to have a depressed parent, even a “high-functioning” one like me. I didn’t want him to grow up programmed to be a negative person.
It sounds like your daughter is cheerful, which is great, but it’s a terrible responsbility for any child to have to make their parent happy. Find it in yourself to make some changes, for her sake.
If you don’t mind me asking; are you feeling depressed with seemingly no reason, or are there current circumstances in your life that are contributing to this?
I got a kick out of your list. It concerned me, but it was funny.
Ever notice that what we “do” when the Blues overtake us is: as little as possible?
I truly believe that what we’re trying to do is recharge our mental batteries. There is so much that Life Requires Us To Do (pay bills, do laundry, fix the roof, wash the clothes, do the dishes, drive the kids, (add about 100 other items here)) that every once in awhile, one gets overloaded. Even a good marathoner can’t run forever!
What my parents did when raising the four of us was to set up a private room. Dad’s was the den, Mom had hers also. If the door was open, we could poke our head in and complain that “Johnny won’t share the TV!!!” But if the door was closed…the damn house had better be burning down before we were to open that door!!! Mom & Dad didn’t love us any the less, they just needed a private space where they could do whatever, and close the world out for awhile.
For myself, the last hour or two of the day is mine, to do some reading. Poetry, philosophy, science fiction, fantasy…whatever. Lately, I’ve also been playing some Nintendo. And when I get married, of course, there will be…ummm…adjustments to be made.
But in any case…just relax, enjoy yourself, and certainly don’t feel guilty!!
Well, there’s always using “actively planning to kill yourself” as being a good sign of depression. Fortunately we have drugs to counteract that now…
Based on that, I would call what you describe as apathy or being tired mentally more than I would depression. But my scale may be a bit shifted relative to most people…
It seems to be getting worse. Like I said, it is the blues/sadness than depression. I feel horrible for some things that I have done. I hurt a really close friend because I couldn’t get honest. This will pass, but when I have no clue.
On top of all this, my daughter is really sick and I have been home with her all day. She has helped me get out of myself. Not completely, but enough for the moment.
I just want to rewind the clock and go back to November of last year. My head was alot clearer than.
You, too? I made some crummy relationship choices this winter, and as a result am feeling crappy right now as well. Too selfish, just wanted things for me, me, me…damaged the relationship & now it’s time to pay the piper. Damm! Does :wally go here??
What’s helping me is to try to concentrate on doing things in my life that make me feel productive and not a failure, like some parts of my work and school that I know that I am good at, because one of the big things here is the feeling that I am no good. It’s hard to put out the effort to spend time with other friends and the little kids in the family…energy, argh!..but when I do sometimes it helps. Maybe something like that might work for you, too.
Hey, igotit, thank you for posting…it helped me even though you don’t know me. Here are some hugs from a fellow sad gal. Know that there is forgiveness for the crappy things we do, from God if not from folks we’ve hurt. (Sorry if you aren’t religious, do not mean to offend.) You are still a valueable person even if things suck or you feel like you suck! Sadness is almost good sometimes…healthy to grieve for lost opportunities and all that. But, yeah, it still hurts like heck!
(((hug igotit)))
–Nenya
PS. I’m not depressed here, guys, either…and I’ve got “professional help” I can go and see if I was…so don’t worry.
Sorry about the hijack with my issues!
If this is a case of just down in the dumps, and it sounds like it is, then things will change for you eventually. You sound like you really stressed yourself out lately, and you child being sick just piles more stress on top. When she is better, can you manage to get dressed, put on makeup and go somewhere? Even to the park or the mall, somewhere. Have a fun day. Have a good dinner. Most importantly, forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. Take the platypus, for example. What was HE thinking?
Read the post by irony in this thread. If the feelings he describes sound familiar, then you probably have something more than just “the blues” and you might want to consider getting some outside help - if not for your own sake, for your daughter’s.
It’s no fun for children living with a depressed parent, just ask my kids.
jc, let me just tell you some things about me. I am a recovering addict. I get depressed. Now if I went to any psyche doctor and told them what I thought on a daily basis I would be put in a mental institute with a straight jacket on. I am an addict. A recovering addict, and most importantly a clean recovering addict and have been for coming up on nine years. I don’t believe that medicating my problems away is the answer. I don’t judge those who do take meds, but for me, it just wouldn’t work.
There are certain things that a recovering addict should do when they are feeling depressed/blue. Go to meetings, call their sponsor, write about it, share you troubles with others. Pray to a god of your own understanding for guidance.
Now I have been feeling like this because #1, I haven’t been to a meeting in over two and half months. #2 I haven’t talked to my sponsor (for those who don’t know what this is email me I will be happy to explain it to you) in over two and a half months. #3 I haven’t picked up the pen and wrote about what is really going on with me. #4 I have found that talking to people would bring judgement, so I haven’t reached out to my support group.
I have been slacking in my recovery process. This is why I feel the way I do. Now when my life is moving forward, instead of being stagnant, life seems to go alot smoother.
I get like this sometimes. I need to be reminded that life is simple if I make it that way. I seem to complicate the shit out of everything.
Thanks for all the comments. It will get better, I just have to get off my ass and do something about it instead of feeling sorry for my sorry ass.
jc, again, I am really happy that you were able to fix your problems with outside help and medication. I do have an outside support group, but we do not medicate ourselves because we have done that in the past and for us it doesn’t work. Life becomes real unmanageable when I use drugs, even prescribed non-addictive ones.
#1 Yes, but you could go to one soon. When you do, I’m sure they’ll talk about more important things than why you haven’t been for a couple of months. Getting back on track is hardest before you start to do it. Then it’s easier. #2 You haven’t talked to your sponsor yet. You could make contact to him/her today! #3 Ah yes, but you wrote about some of it here on this message board. That’s a start, isn’t it? #4 You reached out to the SDMB.
Don’t punish yourself for not doing things yesterday. I know it feels hard to get in touch with people after a hiatus, and it can be tempting to feel that they won’t want to hear from you, and will be angry that you didn’t talk to them before. When you do get in touch, things never go as badly as one fears. And “Why didn’t you call before?” often means “I wish I’d had the chance to help you earlier, I’d much rather help than see you get blue”.
It’s a lesson I’m still learning. The best of luck to you!
re: the OP–
You’ve got company when it comes to slacking off when you’re depressed. Here’s my list:
I know I’m depressed (clinically) when . . .
I want to take a nap all day, even at 9am or at 8pm, and frequently do;
I stop exercising;
I stop writing in my journal;
I blow off the dishes/clothes for a few days, letting them pile up;
I don’t have energy to do anything for the kids other than to let them turn on the TV when they get home, heat somethingn frozen for dinner, and don’t insist on helping them brush their teeth or on taking baths
Nothing sounds like fun;
I get obsessed about something: sex, internet, pornography, computer games–and allow it to fill all my time;
I’m late for everything and barely do enough at work to get by.
When I find myself drifting into this pattern, it means that I need to switch or increase my medications. For some reason they don’t work on me for very long.
For me, the key is to feel my feelings when they occur (not hide from them), to get some fresh air and exercise regularly, and to focus some time, daily, on my thoughts (via a journal, talking to close friend or family member, meditating).
