…you’re afraid of blimps.
=)
…you participate in discussions on the Straight Dope Message Board.
…you marry a Doper and invite Dopers to the wedding.
You find yourself wondering if the uncommonly good-looking, verbose, or cool people you know IRL are Dopers.
::checking off “Suck up to fellow Dopers.” from my To Do list.::
Happy Friday, my friends!
When your SO askes you what happened at work today and you say, “Well, insert doper name really cracked my up when …” and she asks if the company hired someone new. And why you were discussing sexuality at work.
I had a dream a few weeks ago that I started a thread called “Martin Luther King, Jr. Was A Jerk” and I couldn’t delete it, and it turned into this horrible meltdown in the pit and I was crying and so afraid I was going to get banned.
I think that means I’m a doper.
Also, the other day my husband attempted to ‘ban me’ because I had left some towels on the floor.
You work in the library cafe, and all those computers in the Circulation Room are calling your name, tempting you to sneak a few steps through the service corridor and check what’s happening to your favorite thread in Cafe Society.
…your first thought on encountering something strange or amusing is “I bet [insert doper name here] would get a real kick out of this!”
You see the letters “DDG” on a license tag and think “Google Search!” 
You hope your child is born on a Saturday so you can have a BrisDope. 
Robin
Never heard that one myself… is that fortunate, or not?
F_X
You refer to someone from the SDMB and people wonder who the hell UncleBeer or DuckDuckGoose are.
People look at you funny when you mention sock puppetry as ‘a real problem sometimes’.
You mention how ‘The master covered that’ in one of his articles… and people change the subject.
Damn, that one got me mid-Corona sip. Up my nose, so no keyboard infraction.
…When you view new posts and there are more than 5 pages.
…You can’t wait to see what (insert antogonistic doper handle) has to say about THIS ONE.
…You wait and wait until someone announces a 'fest in your town…come on Seattle!
When stuck in obnoxious traffic you think that the other drivers are “fing ftards”.
You say, a heard this from some friends of mine when telling a tidbit you read on the boards.
You can tell posters apart by how they write posts.
You listen to people while making notes, so you can pick their arguements apart piece by piece.
IRL You make some HHGTTG or Monty Python reference and are caught off guard when no one knows what your talking about.
As soon as you hear some good news, you post it, and then phone your pals.
You say “asshat” more than “the”.
You run up you your friends with an oversized novelty hammer yelling “OG SMASH! OG SMASH YOU!”
When the conversation demands sarcasm, you visualize the rolly eyes smilie. In fact, you wish you could simply insert it into everyday discourse.
You have formed a mental picture of an asshat.
…you tell your parents you’re going to a Dopefest in Chicago, and they DON’T hit the roof.
…you start composing Pit rants in your head any time something even remotely annoying happens to you.
…you and your roommate can have conversations about people using only their SD handles.
…you respond if your user name is spoken aloud (I’ll turn around for “Angel”).
And you can categorize which Dopers would.
When a question is asked in your area of expertise and your name is mentioned - I had that happen in a thread about fraud, go figure.
When you can honestly say that certain Dopers - some you’ve never met f2f yet - are among your closest friends.