you take your cat’s name as your online name.
you have your cigarettes outside regardless of snow or rain because your cats disdainfully wrinkle their adorable little noses when they smell smoke.
when you’re telling a friend about having to take the cat to the V-E-T, you whisper and your eyes dart furtively around the room to make sure your kitty isn’t within earshot.
you cried more than the cat did the day you dropped him at the vet’s to be neutered.
you feel naked if your clothes aren’t covered in cat hair.
if you own more than one cat and can tell which cat threw up just by looking at the pile.
people say “what a lovely Angora sweater!” and you say “What Sweater?”
the grocery consists of cat food, cat treats, cat toys, and mice.
you know all the ingredients in meow mix by heart.
you plan your schedule around your cat.
you don’t care which part of her body Kitty may have licked before kissing you on the lips!
you nuzzle your sweetheart by rubbing your forehead on her.
you still kiss your boyfriend after he lets kitty drink the milk while he eats the cereal.
you feed them Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner on the good china.
your dog coughs up cat hairballs.
you take your cat everywhere with you and leave the car on so fluffy can get some a/c and so she can listen to the radio.
you take your cat everywhere because you, I mean she has separation anxiety.
you yell at Snookums for talking too much.
you apologize for yellin’ at your darlin’ and tell her you didn’t mean it and tell her she can scream if she wants.
when you are done crying you go get a towel to dry the tears off of her fur to make her happy.
when someone else yells at your cat for being bad, you say, “Be nice… she’s only human.”
your way of punishing you cat for bad behavior is a “Time Out” in the bathroom after explaining that she has been a very bad kitty for tearing up your stuff.
when your cat scratches the heck out of you and your family, you say, “It’s just a phase she’s going through.”
when your cat rips off the wallpaper, you take her to a cat pscyhotherapist to discover what is upsetting her and causing her disruptive behavior.
you have full conversations with your cats and you think it’s normal.
you think that they understand you and communicate back.
you have more cat toys than clothes.
when you wear black people think that you’re shedding.
you get a fish tank and fish as pets for your cat.
you take more pictures of your cat then you do of your children.
you call home during your honeymoon and ask if the children have fed the cat and where is he sleeping and don’t ask if the children are okay.
your cat eats the most expensive cat food available, but you subsist on macaroni and cheese and ramen noodles
you refer to your parents as “Grandma” and “Grandpa”, but you have no children.
you force everyone who phones your house to listen to Snookums meow into the receiver.
your cat has more names than you do.
you spend a date telling your date all about your cats and not one thing about yourself.
each one of your cats gets spoken to in their own individual “special voice”.
you call your own answering machine just so that the cats can hear your voice.
you post pictures of your cat on your web page and your spouse has no picture posted!
you cough up hairballs daily too.
your cat has more say than your spouse.
you write poems about your cat.
your cat sleeps in your bed more often than your spouse.
you don’t need an alarm clock, because your cat wakes you up before the alarm clock goes off.
you can eat after your cat.
you’ve stopped wondering where all the cat hairs that appear on your clothes could possibly come from.
you’ve stopped caring about the amount of fur on your clothing on the rare occasions when you actually go out in public.
Um…I’m not a cat person…no, really, I…oh, well, okay…I guess I am…grumble, grumble…
::defensively::
Yeah? So? Hootie, Happy, Angel, Annie, Cherokee and me don’t see anything wrong with being cat lovers!
Vestal Blue I plead the fifth on how many of those I said yes to on grounds that it might incriminate me and make me look like a wimp for allowing my cat to rule the house.
Let me add a few that I just thought of.
If you leave the bathroom door open when you are on the toilet because kitty likes to join you and you don’t even mind if kitty uses the litter box then for some “togetherness time” on the pot.
If you wake up with stiff joints because kitty was sleeping so comfy you didn’t want to disturb him/her.
If you can’t wait to go home so that you can spend time with kitty.
You worry about kitty starving when they don’t eat one meal and try opening different foods to satisfy him/her.
You are sure your cat can talk and understands everything you say.
When people ask to see pictures of your kids you pull out kitty’s pictures.
You know, sometimes, after a long depressing shift at work, the only thing I can think about is getting home to my kitties so I can cuddle with them.
They taste like chicken.
…you rush your cat to the vet if it so much as sneezes, but you have to be knocking on death’s door before you go to see a doctor.
Bo <~~~ username not taken from a cat…well, maybe.
Interestingly, my screen name is the name of a friend’s DOG. (don’t tell my cats!)
You select the house you’re going to buy in part because it has a good place to put the litter box. (Yes, I did!)
Your living room is perfectly clean… except for the kitty toys and the duster that the cats like to attack
I’ve got another one:
You’ve spent close to $2000.00 in the past week on vet bills, and the end isn’t even in sight.
<sigh>
Zyada, you aren’t alone!
A few others:
You invite people over just so they can meet your cats.
You don’t mind being awakened in the middle of the night because the cat on your face is suffocating you.
Nobody has ever seen the “real” upholstery on your furniture because of the slipcovers you put on to keep the fur off.
–Julie, Mother of Tom and Wally
You don’t change diapers, but you don’t bat an eye when it comes to cleaning and scrubbing out a litterbox.
To the ladies in this thread:
I’m just one cat, but I’ll do what I can. The line forms to the left. 
To the gentlemen:
Sorry. Maybe Zumba will be along soon.
…if you read this post and feel like going postal on those “neighbors” as though they did this to a child.
Oh no. What’s wrong?
I know, hon. I thought in part these might cheer you up.
Please let us know how your purr-babies are doing.
{{{{{{{{{{{{Athena}}}}}}}}}}}}
Thanks, Vestal. They do cheer me up.
Cyndar, you must have missed my first thread. Here 'tis:
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=57328
In the interests of not hijacking this thread, I’ll start another thread called “For those who asked about my cats” in a few minutes.
Ah Vestal, you’re a cat man…I knew there was a reason I liked you!
How 'bout:
Your cat wakes you up at 3:00 in the morning every night so they can get under the covers with you and you don’t even get annoyed by it.
You clean the house because company is coming over but leave all the 50 million cat toys laying around because the cats “might want to play with them”.
You don’t get freaked when they dig out the bag of catnip and proceed to slash open the bag, spread a 3 foot wide swathe of “kitty weed” all over the place, and roll in it for 15 minutes. You figure you can leave it there for a while cause “they’re having such a good time”.
You set up a special table in the laundry room to grow a pot of oat grass for one of your cats because she likes to graze.
You don’t use a new basket you got for the bathroom because your cat likes to lay in it (my husband did this!)
You may be a cat person, with parents who are cat people if…
You buy a backyard with wooden privacy fencing but no gates, and your father buys the materials, and spends his weekends building the gates, so the cats can play outside.
Your parents buy you a new couch for Christmas ($700), and think it’s cute that the cat has taken it over.
Your parents buy you a BLACK couch, even though you have a WHITE cat.
When you can’t find the litter boxes that your cats like, you mother drives you all over town looking for them. Then, when she finds them in her town, she buys them and brings them to you.
Yep! Our current batch of felines consist of Morgan, a beautiful short hair calico, Pretty Girl, a domestic shorthair tabby, and George, a black short hair who looks like a miniature jaguar.
A house is not a home without cats.