Pretend you’re completely single, even if you’re not. Now invent your own romantic comedy plot that requires you to get married within the next 24 hours. Difficulty: you’re not heir to a million-dollar fortune and a will that’s dependent on you being married.
What’s your plan? Cajole a long-time friend? Prey on the desperation of someone you deem unattractive? Head to Kentucky?
Go.
Bonus points if someone knows of an actual romcom using this plot device. I’m blanking, but I’d be surprised if there weren’t ten.
Florida has decided to cede from the Union, and the government has instituted a draft in order to procure troops to fight for the red, white and blue. Unfortunately for me, the draft is seeking middle-aged, out-of-shape single guys, since everyone else in the country is otherwise occupied or considered too valuable a national resource to lose in the New Civil War. I’ve got to get married in 24 hours or risk being parachuted into Tallahassee.
I’ve got a few long-time single female friends that I’d likely hit up rather desperately. If that failed, I’d hop on a train to San Diego tomorrow morning and take my chances living in Tiajuana until the war was over.
Should I assume that there are also a significant number of women similarly constrained to get married immediately? I’d think that would make things considerably easier, in the short run at least.
No lengthy details on plot for me… but it would involve marriage to a same sex partner. Or at least, potential spouse would include both sexes. I’m hetero, but the same sex partner thing can be played for kicks because it’s legal here.
A common one is to have someone marry an alien to save him/her from being deported or to qualify for company medical benefits. I think the last time I saw the deporting alien one was on “My Name is Earl” when Randy married the hot maid.
A few years ago I was working in a town that had a very high immigrate population. One day I was walking down the street and a guy came up to me asking in broken english where to go to find a girl. After trying to sort out what he meant, he said he was looking for a woman to marry, and that he would like to marry me.
I know all about this as it was a plot on the Three Stooges. Remember it’s the ugly, no talented girl who can’t sing, BUT who loves Shemp for himself.
No other girl will marry Shemp, till they find out he’s gonna be rich if he gets married by the end of the day. I love it when one of the ladies sticks his head in a press and forces an acceptance of her proposal
Go to a Japanese snack bar owned and operated by middle-aged women. Propose. If rejected, repeat. I’ve heard of this happening in reverse, so I imagine it’s possible.
Pay a whore, then. Or go marry a gay dude. No one says you have to consummate, or even how long you have to stay married.
That said, I think I could find someone who would do it without going that far. There are people that are that nice, even if they aren’t attracted to me. The only real problem is finding one who isn’t a Christian and thus wouldn’t have a problem with a quick divorce later.
If we’re not talking my SO, if he somehow has to be out of the equation, I could easily find some Indian man to marry for citizenship (though marriage is no longer a guarantee, it helps).
I’m ashamed to admit that the glaringly obvious green card angle hadn’t occurred to me. Still, it raises a question – where do you go to find someone who desperately needs a green card when you only have 24 hours? I wouldn’t know where to begin. Local hotels? Home depot?
I can think of two long-single male friends of mine I could talk into it. The first carries a bit of a torch, but I don’t return the feelings, so he’d be my last resort, because that could get messy and end up with hurt feelings.
The second is a “polywog” (newly polyamorous person), so I’m pretty sure he’d be amenable to an open marriage anyhow. But jeez…do I have to *live *with him? He’s a great guy, and a great friend, but we would not make great roommates. But I suppose if the financial reward was great enough, we’d just buy a big enough house to stay out of each others’ hair. And hire a housekeeper. Definitely hire a housekeeper.
If for some reason I couldn’t count on the Beau, I guess I would just put an add up here on the Dope
How’s this?.. Canadian Doper chick who makes excellent brownies and barbeque and lasagna, has terrific dental/drug/medical benefits (plus you know, Canadian universal health care) likes Simpsons and Star Wars and hockey, has a 7 year old boy who is a geek in training, seeks husband.
If that didn’t work, I got nuttin. (Nah, I have guy friends I guess I could pick on, but this might be more fun.)