You need another kid like you need a HOLE in your HEAD!

The BBQ Pit
1

Here’s the situation: I have this acquaintance who is part of the same social circle I’m in. She’s 29, and I’d characterize her as a flaming hippy. This summer, she had 5 kids all under the age of 8 by 3 different men. She has no job, she’s on welfare, and she loves to party. As a result, she foists her kids off on other people as often as possible, asking anyone and everyone, including near strangers who I wouldn’t trust with my gerbils, to babysit for her brood. She’s what my dad would call a shnorer: she will borrow money, ask for food, call you up to drive her and her kids somewhere, even if it’s nowhere near where you live or need to go.

In fact, this summer she was OFFERING her kids to other people. I am fond of her children, and whenever I see them I wash their hands and faces (which always desperately need it), buy them snacks, and play with them. All of them are very needy for attention, and I strongly suspect some of them have emotional problems. I am particularly attached to her 5 year old, Shine Ray (if you doubted she was a hippy, all skepticism should now be allayed). At 5, he rarely talks, but loves to curl up in my lap and be held for hours. Anyway, my pal, his mom, asked me if I wanted to KEEP Shine. KEEP him, as it adopt him and take him off her hands. She also tried to give away her one year old to a friend of mine who got close to the baby. I would have loved to take Shine, but I am not ready to raise a kid, esp. not someone else’s.

This summer I knew she was sleeping around with a bunch of guys, including the father of her last 2 kids. I sat her down and asked her what she was doing about birth control. She told me she “had it covered.” Yeah, she was praying to the Earth Mother or something because… this bitch is pregnant AGAIN. :smack: Yes indeedy. This is where your tax dollars are going, to allow this deadbeat baby machine to repopulate the planet with her neglected, sad, dirty little babies.

The funny thing is, this chick is all about saving and loving Mother Earth from the inevitable destruction we as humans are wreaking. One night, I lost my temper and asked her what was the biggest problem facing Mother Earth today. She said, and I quote, “People are not telling the truth to each other or the Earth.” I responded, “What the hell does that mean? No, sister, the main problem facing Mother Earth is that there are too many bloody humans, paving paradise and putting up parking lots.” She told me that her “enlightened” methods of child rearing entitled and REQUIRED her to have as many children as she could. Never mind that she cannot support them, doesn’t take care of them, and wants to give them away like unwanted puppies.

I am so furious at her for having another baby after her attempts to get rid of the ones she has this summer. What the fuck is wrong with her? I haven’t been taking her phone calls because I know I can’t say anything nice to her. I feel sorry for her kids but I have no sympathy for her. :mad:

I don’t even know why I’m posting this, except I feel sort of bitchy about being so angry about this, and where else I can I bitch this freely but The Pit? I wish I could just take Shine and run, but she’ll just keep having more and more and more-- she’s only 29, so just imagine how many more she can pump out before menopause? She’s the poster girl for forced sterilization of the insane. Grrrrr…

2

I don’t think that’s the hole we should be concerned about,really.

All in one summer eh?
That’s quite a feat.

Maybe she’s related to the 32 year old woman with 10 kids in a one bedroom apartment.
She’s an idiot.

3

She didn’t have the five kids all in one summer, but she did have 5 kids total THIS summer. Next summer she’ll have six. But hey, split semantic hairs however you want; the bottom line is, this whore is spawning like a rabbit.

4

I have to ask this question, in the same way as I have to peer out the window when I drive past a motorway pile-up.

What are the other kids’ names?

5

Sunny Day
Shine Ray
Wanda
Iris
Maya

The last two are fine, IMO, so maybe she’s wised up a bit. But the first three fucking KILL me. Wanda? What little girl needs to grow up with THAT? If I adopted Shine Ray, I think I would have slowly transitioned him over to using Ray as his first name. He could be S. Ray Lake when he grows up. Poor thing.

What are the logistical realities behind adopting a 5 year old? With the consent of the mother? I know I’m bloody insane to even consider it, but I love that kid and he needs a real mommy, not a bitch in heat whelping baby after baby, ignoring him.

6

“Sunny Day”. My lord!

That’s a sucky situation and I’m sorry.

7

What’s wrong with Wanda? (the name ain’t just for fish y’know)

8

It’s admirable to be willing to take in Shine.

People like this woman make me physically ill. If she’s so intent on breeding like a fucking rabbit, and couldn’t care less about keeping the children, why doesn’t she become a surrogate mother or something, so she’d at least be helping people?

9

I’m fucking sorry too. I’m sorry that people can behave this way, feel totally righteous about it, never work, pay taxes, or improve the world in any way, have unprotected sex all over the place, and get exactly what they want in life. The government pays for her housing, food, clothing, doctor bills, and upkeep. She will ask you for the food out of your mouth, the car out from under your ass, the clothes off your back, without the slightest embarrassment, because she’s ENTITLED to all these things. She has even been known to do this with cigarettes, alcohol, and pot. Not to mention, you should SEE the assholes she lets babysit. Stoned, stupid hippies with lice who haven’t been sober for two days in a row since the Reagan administration.

All she has to do to maintain this is keep having babies. I simply cannot fathom how she can live with herself, how she can be trying to give away babies one week and have another the next. I swear to God, the last time I saw her, I didn’t know she was knocked up, and she asked me again when I was going to take Shine. This was in October.

Fuck HER.

All this said, the kids are quite endearing, cute, and weird. I fear for them.

10

Have you thought about calling CPS?

11

Umm, bad idea.

12

Ilsa, if she was fucking ME, she wouldn’t have 6 kids. Unfortunately for the world, she’s heterosexual.

As for calling CPS, it’s extraordinarily hard to get them to do anything where the only abuse is an absent-minded neglect. She certainly doesn’t beat the kids, they seem to eat about once or twice a day, and bathe once a week whether they need it or not. I think all that involving CPS would do would be to piss her off. Not that I care about that, but at least the kids have each other. They do seem to like each other.

13

How about endangerment, then?

Next time one of those fine upstanding citizens is watching over her brood while Mama’s out living it up, have CPS swing by her place for a visit.

14

Not endangerment, but benign neglect. If CPS were called, they’d probably suggest some parenting classes. And there’s no way that Hippy Dippy Idiot could be any worse off if she had a little education pounded into her thick skull. Geez.

15

It’s quite obvious she shouldn’t have more children. But propagating the ridiculous myth of “overpopulation” might not be the best way to go. It isn’t true, first of all.

There are a lot of resources debunking that stuff. Please look into them.

http://home.swbell.net/birons/myths.html

16

Do people still think CPS is this benevolent nanny who holds out a helping hand and suggests “classes”?

No there’s no way this woman could be worse off, but the children certainly could be. Like if they’re shoved into an abusive foster home where they’re 11 times more likely to be injured or killed than at home. Even their home. This mom is a jerk and she needs to be forced to take on her responsibilities, but CPS can’t/won’t help her or the kids. Not coddling people and giving them money for their irresponsibility is a start.

17

God, this just makes me ill. Those poor kids. Even well-parented little kids soak up attention: I cannot imagine five of them.

I saw a woman on the bus last week who I thought of when I read the OP. She couldn’t have been in her late twenties, but she had six kids with her. Turns out she was watching them for someone, but she didn’t have enough bus fare, so she had to get off. Forgot one of the kids behind; had to run after the bus, with the little kids trailing like snotty-nosed train cars behind her, wailing and waving their little mittens. I’m just glad she noticed before the bus had really gotten going.

Your acquaintance? Needs to have her tubes tied----probably around her neck.

18

It’s not often you hear those words! If only it was seen as a blessing to be Gay… sorry, back to the topic.

MaybeRuby she’s not as happy with her life as she makes out. Perhaps she’s in denial, or just trying to ignore the stupid situation she has gotten herself into with the booze, and pot.

I wouldn’t be suprised that when alone she knows exactly what she’s doing, and wonders how her life got this fucked up. I’m sure when she was younger she had dreams of being something special, and doing something worthwhile with her life.

Maybe adopting the little one is not such a bad idea. At least you could save one child. But that’s a pretty big bloody step I know.

There are so many people out there who can’t have children. Potential parents who would be awesome, there has got to be a way to connect the two groups up. I have a problem with the concept of kids being raised by their birth mother as always being the better option. Because it’s not. I was adopted and had a great life. When I was 22 I saw whereI could have ended up and I was relieved that I was adopted.

Don’t ignore this situation, help those kids.

19

Well, I have to say, if the OP doesn’t feel capable of taking on the one kid, she’d be remiss if she did so out of guilt. Superstar is right, there are lots of people who’d love to have those kids. The OP sounds like quite a decent sort, but adopting a kid is a huge, huge decision.

20

OK, it’s sunday morning here and my brain isn’t in the best shape, so please bear with me.

From what I’m hearing here it seems that your child protection services are a little different from mine - I’m a paediatric social worker in a children’s hospital and have some dealings with the Australian (NSW) version.

The way I’m seeing the situation is that there’s 6 kids between -6 months and 8 years (can you give more info on their ages?) living in a situation where they are, at best, at serious risk of neglect or at worse currently being neglected.

There are ways of describing the situation to Child Protection that increase the chances of something happening. But I’d like to ask a few things.

The older kids - are they going to school? What’s their attendance like? How’s their behaviour at school? Their grades?

The five year old doesn’t talk much - is there some sort of developmental delay? When he does talk would you say it’s with a normal 5yo’s vocabulary? When he does talk, what does he talk about?

You say she’s asking people to take her children, and your tone suggests that she’s doing this completely seriously (I’m sure you appreciate that it’s a hard thing to believe, although I have seen worse). Who does she ask? People she knows and trusts who can take proper care of the kids, her stoner babysitters or complete randoms?

These babysitters, what do you know about them? Do they smoke pot heavily in front of the kids? Exposing children to drug use is abuse in itself.

Is there any violence in any of her relationships?

Have you every had any suspicions of any sexual abuse of the children? This can including mum/others having sex in front of the kids, exposure to sexually explicit material, innappropriate discussion of sex with the children, as well as engaging the children in sexual activity. Signs of this can include the kids using sexually explicit language, showing age inappropriate knowledge of sex, drawing sex based pictures, sex play with dolls or other toys, touching other children in a sexual manner (barring normal developmental curiosity).

Could you elaborate on the ‘need for attention’ and ‘emotional problems’? Emotional abuse is just as real and damaging as physical abuse but a lot harder to spot.

These are some of the issues that your local Child Protection Services will be interested in. If you can provide them with a more specific indication of the children’s situation they should be more likely to respond. Also consider discussing making a report with other concerned parties. One report is usually ignored, but if they receive 4 or 5 reports from different people they might take notice.

Of course, I’m just going off my experiences with my local child protection team. They’re far from what they could be, but better than nothing.