You people disgust me.

I bet it’s the dairy cows. They have no self control.

Not when they crap.

Wow! Virginal birth to Saviors. Breasts. Now flight? Dude, I want to be a girl.

We found a “floater” in my dorm toilet in high school that we named: we called it The Beast. It was approximately three inches in diameter, about eight inches long, and almost completely black. It would not go down the pipes, even in an old-school Pratt & Whitney-powered high pressure toilet that throws ten gallons at each flush. I’m still not sure how we ever got rid of it, but when it was discovered, all the guys on our dorm lined up in the bathroom to file past it reverently, filled with awe, like it was Lenin’s Tomb. One of the guys lifted the seat, leaned in towards the bowl with a ruler, and had a picture of him posing with it as if it were a trophy-sized bass he had caught.

We never did figure out who gave birth to that monstrosity. On one hand, it was a boarding school in the middle of nowhere, so it had to be one of us. But anything that big coming out of someone’s ass, though… we figured a stranger snuck into the school, did the deed, and limped off into the woods to die with a relieved smile on his face. :eek:

Thanks. I just laughed the best laugh in over a week. This is a priceless story, and the part about the picture taking was exquisite.

Yeup, some woman craps on the seat and sometimes even the floor. But the floating gob of boogers when I went to take a drink of water was just— ugh!

Women hover.


Unless they crap really hard! :eek:

Escalate it.

Post a note on the bathroom mirror of what you initially posted here.

Keep us informed.


This is an excellent idea. I think I’ll put a sign like this over the water fountain:
Dear whoever keeps hocking up loogies in the water fountain,

You are disgusting and should be ashamed of yourself.


The normal, thirsty adults who have to work here too.

If you can’t catch the culprits, the only thing to do is to post a note. But, I’d suggest a polite note – outrage might just make it worse! I was once the (female) manager of an office building, and I have to tell you from my bathroom inspections, women can (and usually are) worse! And most of it because of “hovering,” much of which can be blamed on mothers who believe that toilet seats are teeming with germs, and teach their girls they have to “hover” (not sit), resulting in their peeing on the seat. I’m not germaphobic, and I SIT, but I hate sitting on a toilet seat and feeling someone else’s pee on my thighs. Women: I don’t care if you hover, but have the decency to wipe the seat off afterward! Then there are the women who refuse to dispose of their “monthly” refuse properly, and even leave blood on the seat. I just don’t get it – they wouldn’t do this at home, but it’s okay to do in public rest rooms? They don’t want to chance getting a germ on their pristine butts, but they don’t care if they leave germs for others!!! As for body fluids in drinking fountains – luckily I never encountered that one – that is truly revolting!

not sure about that, we have a new sign on the fridge at work of a piggie with a circle around it and a line drawn across like a no smoking sign. it says ‘don’t take food that doesn’t belong to you’. hell, i won’t even use the fridge now…

Blech. How could the futile and messy practice of “hovering” be so pervasive in public restrooms, yet so few women seem to have been taught how to wrap their used blood-catching devices in toilet paper to be quietly placed in the rectangular bin that’s placed in 99.9% of bathrooms? Too many times have I glanced over my shoulder while doing the deed only to see a stalagtite of coagulating blood hovering just out of the bin, or perhaps an enormous maxi pad laid out in full on the floor next to the toilet, looking very much like a newly severed cow’s tongue.

Jesus christ, ladies, you might as well just dip your pinkie in it and scrawl REDRUM across the stall door. At least that would be slightly more amusing. And less stinky.

minor hijack

My husband has just been red faced laughing for the last 5 minutes over this. He said it reminded him of having nothing better to do in college and, thus, doing the most inane stuff.

He told me a story about when this guy on their floor section, whom they called “the worm” because he always wanted the worm from the bottle, drank 3 bottles of some sort of fortified wine called Cisco.

Well, I guess this guy liked to take showers when he was drunk, so he went into the shower and passed out on the floor. It was one of those big group showers, so my husband gets some tape and draws a tape line around this guy and he and the rest of the floor section put up a sign saying “herein lies the Cisco kid”. Of course, my husband feels bad when he thinks about it sometimes, because they should have called the paramedics after he had drank so much. However, the guy was fine after about 6 hours of puking (they eventually got him out of there and nursed him back to health), but they left the sign up and the tape line until and RA finally made them take it down.

College, where poop can be an afternoon of entertainment.