I accidentally got involved in a conversation w/some one at work that ended poorly as well. She expressed a sentiment/opinion that I felt was: A). was not compatible with fact B). was condemning of people (clients) that she was to be working with and C) was especially inappropriate given the geographical location of the conversation (at the greeting stand in an open area where there were several clients w/in ear shot).
I said “I’m going to have to leave this conversation now” and did. Never brought it up again. have carefully monitored my conversations w/this woman due to her attitude (and still managed to get into situations where she expoused judgemental attitudes, in what I felt, was an inappropriate manner). Now I try and avoid anything more than “Hi, how’s it going”, just to be on the safe side.
So, Liberal, you want me to stop talking about the person whom this thread was started about so you can continue with your pointless, irrelevant and stupid semantic hijack? I don’t think so. Oh, and FTR, “Fundie” is nothing like “homo”. People chose to become fundies, as it is a choice, than it’s fair game for ridicule and derision. Homos don’t chose to become gay, so using homo as a pejorative is out of bounds. Thanks for playing anyway, please enjoy your year’s supply of Rice-a-Roni, the San Francisco treat™.
AS I pointed out to Lib, “fundie” is merely a shortened version of “Christian fundamentalist,” which is defined as conservative Christians who subscribe to the Five Fundamentals, including the literal, inerrant truth of the Bible. It is NOT inherently derogatory as Lib keeps trying to convince people it is. The pejorative element comes in because being a religious conservative is a backward thing to be. IMO, “Christian fundamentalist” is no more complimentary than “fundie,” not because of the term, but due to the nature of the thing it defines.
But assuming there were a pejorative epithet used for religious conservatives, it still wouldn’t have the elemental force of “fag” or “towelhead”–contrary to what some people are trying to sell, political or religious affiliations are not as central to the self as ethnicity or sexual identity. Bashing someone for being a Republican is not nearly as tacky as bashing someone for being black.
And in reference to the OP, abortion is a topic one ought not to discuss at work. If the BiBle-thumping co-worker continues to air her Neanderthal views, just say, “Well, bless your heart,” and discuss something else or walk away.
She is married. She’s been married for 4 years, and has been trying to have a baby for all of those 4 years. One of the things she said to me is that “women who don’t want babies shouldn’t have the right to kill them because there are women like me who want them and can’t have them.” I think that shows an interesting glimpse into her psyche.
For what it’s worth, I wouldn’t give her a baby if everyone’s lives depended on it.
Yes. I admit I screwed up by discussing it with her at all. However, I didn’t mean to make it a discussion about abortion. I was discussing the illness of another co-worker that the apprentice had asked me about. I thought I was answering a medical question, not an ethical one. The apprentice then reacted really badly to what I told her, and she wouldn’t stop talking about it.
I know I’m not entirely blameless here, but I honestly didn’t mean to discuss something to touchy at work.
If I may suggest a course of action, I think you should shut up. If you continue to engage her in these sorts of conversations, she has as much right to complain about you as you do about her. Let her bring up her opinions to customers, and let nature take its course. She’ll be gone before long, and you can be held blameless. And don’t bring up her abrasive nature to your boss, unless your boss asks first.
See how it goes for a few weeks. If things are still intolerable for you, then maybe you can make a case to your boss.
If the corpulant bigot insists on sharing her opinions with you, you have every right to tell her that such controversial subjects are inappropriate to the work environment, and you are not comfortable discussing them. If she persists, then once again you have every right to plead your case to your boss.
Key thing is to take the high road and not be dragged down to her level.
Hey - chips and gravy is a staple dish where I come from. OK, this bitch may be the only person you know who has her own national anthem, but don’t dis the fine cuisine of Northern England.
Liberal, I don’t know if this is going to be good enough for you, but in my opinion terms like “homo” are all about context. Yes, I’m sure it can be used in a neutral way, but this girl wasn’t just saying it as a regular word. She said it in a disgusted and contemptuous way.
In my opinion, that makes her comment completely inappropriate. If she wants to hate gays and people who choose to have abortions, that’s her business, but she needs to keep her opinions to herself.
I gotta ask this, Liberal, since we’re a little closer at least to the OP. Why do you feel the need to defend folks like this so often? We all have the right to like who we want and hate who we want, for whatever reasons. I can decide tomorrow that I hate all black people, all people who own baseball caps, all people between the heights of 52" and 53.5". We all have that perogative as humans.
But it’s not popular to go around expressing hate or disgust for people. And when you hate entire groups of folks on the basis of an irrelevant characteristic, most of whom you don’t know, that’s really, really unpopular. It’s seen as unfair, and it’s known as bigotry.
I don’t think you’re bigoted against gay people. At least, I’ve not seen direct evidence that you are (though I’ve seen quite the mountain of indirect evidence, enough to make me suspicious sometimes.) But it puzzles me that you feel the need to constantly jump to the defense of the bigoted. No one’s trying to round them up and force them into reeducation camps - we just don’t like 'em. And maybe sometimes we’re even hateful towards them. But at least we’re not hating them for irrelevant reasons. My disgust with bigoted folks like the zaftig woman in the OP is predicated on her own actions. Her disgust with me is predicated on the fact that I like dick. I’m not saying either emotion is exactly noble, but if you’re gonna take sides in this conflict rather than maintain a Zenlike detachment from them, why do you take her side? At least I don’t like her because of something she did.
I ask this because I’m genuinely curious. I don’t see why anyone would want to go around jumping to the defense of the bigoted. Yet you do it constantly. Is there a reason you feel the need to protect all the poor bigots of the world from the rest of us?
In the course of defending everyone else a bit too vigorously from bigotry some people become bigots themselves. I’ve tangled with someone who labelled me a bigot for using the word “nigger” in a joke, ignoring the fact that the joke was an attack of white racism and portrayed black people as friendly and generous. Those people need to be told to step back and think.
Not that Liberal is doing this - he/she/it is most definitely an ass - but the point remains.
Mercy on us. Liberal, there is a difference between bitching about these things on an anonymous message board and going on a tirade about murderers and homos at a place of business. Alias wasn’t running around the salon telling people that abortions are swell and that everyone should have one. She answered a question about a co-worker’s medical condition.
I hope it will help to explain that I see a difference between defending bigots and defending the right to be a bigot. That’s how I deal with bigotry when I experience it myself — idiots are entitled to their opinions, and I let them know both that they are an idiot and that they are entitled. In the case of Alias, note that I did not defend the bigotry, but the expression of it. The bigot has as much right to state his opinion as Alias does. Trust me, you cannot eliminate bigotry with laws or stern morality lectures. You will only force bigots to be more careful, discerning, and surreptitious about their bigotry. And that only makes it worse. Bring them out in the open and attack their ideas publicly. If you suppress their ideas, it is fuel for their fight. They will say to others, “See? Our ideas are so powerful that the Injun wants to shut us up.”
I am sorry. The tone of the OP is such that I have little sympathy with the OPer. Some people hold opinions that differ from our own. Some people have religions and religious beliefs that differ from ours. Some people weigh more than we do.
Those differences do not make them psychos, bigots or heartless.
In this case, the person called a woman a murderer, because she had an abortion due to a medical emergency, and most likely would not have survived without it. THAT is being a bigot.
If you continue to engage her in these sorts of conversations, she has as much right to complain about you as you do about her. Let her bring up her opinions to customers, and let nature take its course. She’ll be gone before long, and you can be held blameless. And don’t bring up her abrasive nature to your boss, unless your boss asks first.