Hypothetically speaking, there are people in this hypothetical that could use killing.
Would one get away with it? Hypothetically speaking…
Yes. I actually thought this was real. Did I not get the job?
Yeah, that was my first thought too. I’d keep Obama’s stuff in place and get an actual pandemic response team in.
On immigration, I’d have basically cribbed the 2013 immigration bill, got some amenable flunky in Congress to front it, claimed credit for simultaneously increasing border security and cutting the deficit, and announced that I’d achieved my “Build the Wall” objective. If anyone asked about the legalization of some illegal immigrants, I’d say we were just “keeping the good ones and tossing the bad ones back”.
On the economy I’d increase infrastructure spending as “I” had promised (and as eventually delivered by Biden), but make sure that I talk up all the projects happening in red states.
I’d have given Ivanka and Jared meaningless task forces to head, preferably involving extensive travel to other countries, and appointed actual competent people to run things. Stephen Miller can fuck right off.
Honestly, just by “not being Trump” I could already leave the country in a much better condition than he did - no golf trip grifting, no overt cronyism, no appointing horrifically unqualified people to key position (I’m looking at you, Carson and DeVos), no deliberately inciting division. McConnell would grumble but as long as I didn’t raise taxes on the rich I might get away with it. Putin might be a problem but that’s a big unknown; I’d certainly try to avoid talking to him as much as possible, or at least never away from sufficient independent witnesses.
And if I knew for sure that I would stop being Trump - and that Trump would start being Trump again - at the point I left office, I’d finally release all my tax documentation and anything else overtly incriminating to Congress just beforehand. I wouldn’t make anything up, but with Trump there’s almost certainly more than enough in the actual documents to make the rest of his life difficult.
First step, find a local shelter or rescue and get a dog. (or two)
Then go on a diet, get some exercise.
Probably not even for a day. I wouldn’t have known any of the personal information that the real Trump would have. I wouldn’t recognize family members or other people I was around every day.
The most straightforward thing is roll with that – show up in public with my pants actually on backwards, start rambling about random nonsense (more blatantly that the actual Trump), etc, ask people Trump knows perfectly well who they are, etc.
- Get rid of Pence.
- Make Hillary VP.
- Resign.
How would you go about getting rid of Pence?
I believe DC is an “employment at will” jurisdiction.
But you don’t have to be him (the real him); that’s the whole point. There’s no reason you have to be a fascist or vulgarian or immature-tweeter or insult-hurler or FOX-watching-obsessive. You can be your usual Smapti self while you take your newfound body to the White House bathroom to brush your teeth in the morning while pondering your ramifications for the world while a secretary knocks impatiently on your door to tell you the daily presidential intel brief is about to happen downstairs in five minutes.
First, I would smash every mirror in the White House just so I couldn’t see myself, because….oh my God I look like Donald Trump.
Then I’d shower in bleach for three hours because who knows where that body has been, plus it might help dial down the fluorescence.
Then I’d order my White House servants to get me a human-sized version of one of those plastic cones they use to keep dogs from licking their wounds,so I never have to look at my bloated orangeness ……because Oh, my God I look like Donald Trump. I’ll tell everyone it’s an Antifa shield or something.
Then I’d accidentally leave the door unlocked so Melania can escape.
After that, it depends on if I can decide not to be Donald Trump at some point in the future. If so, I’d expose all my corrupt and criminal dealings give all the evidence to the feds.
But if I have to stay Trump, I don’t want to go to jail. So instead, I would liquidate all my holdings and donate every penny to the Southern Poverty Law Center and George Soros’s Open Society Foundation. I’d commit to living off my a presidential salary and I’d leave my kids with nothing. And that’s a hard nothing, no more free apartments and cushy jobs.
Then I’d go for it and switch to the Democratic Party and tell the Republicans that I pwned them but good, then I’d work with Chuck and Nancy to block everything McConnell tried to do.
And if I’m stuck in Trumps body, I’m going to start working out and eating healthy……I don’t want to wear the plastic cone for forever.
If I had access to Trump’s money, I could pay him to resign.
It’s not even clear if Trump had access to what he claimed was Trump’s money.
Yeah, Trump has “money” on a balance sheet, but he is lacking in free cash.
But I’d still be him. I’d still have the same reputation, the same idiot children, the same hollow-souled wife, the same cadre of yes-men and grifters and hangers-on, the same deluded fanbase, I’d still have committed the crimes that’ll probably land him in prison eventually if he doesn’t first have a Big Mac-induced stroke while sitting on the toilet, and I’d have the foreknowledge that covid is coming regardless of what I say or do and I’m not going to be able to change the Republican culture in time to make them respond any differently.
The only option I could possibly have is to opt out.
Would Trump be me, living in my house, peeing on my furniture, spending my (real, actual) money?
Not unless you…moved back home. You’re in the White House at the moment.
Suddenly being 70 years old would be a way bigger deal for me than how I looked. Even for a healthy 70 yo there’s got to be a lot of things not working as well as they used to, general aches and pains etc. That’s going to suck.
So how does he pay for all those hamberders?
Where’s the real Trump then, and my body? After @Karen_Lingel’s post I’m changing my answer. Step one will be getting the Secret Service and or FBI to put out a manhunt for me. If Trump’s mind is out there in my body I want that body found and put into a protective coma immediately!