You wish I'd sleep with you...but it ain't gonna happen

The BBQ Pit
1

It appears that I have the ability to sleep with someone and give him a damn good time without even getting anywhere near him. Hell, I know I’m good in bed, but who knew, I’d be that good. :smiley:

Last night and today I have received several phone calls from friends who have informed that a certain troll has told them that he spent the night with me on Saturday. Of course, there’s one little problem with that, I was at my parents house Saturday and did not get back home until after eleven Saturday night. After a five hour round trip that started at six am Saturday, the only person in my bed that night was lil’ ol’ me.

By way of background, troll has tried on several occasions to get in my pants. It ain’t ever worked and will never work. It seems he has a problem with this. Once, after having asked this asshat of a troll to leave me alone several times at a party, I even threatened to kick his ass if he so much as looked in my general direction. The host of the party, btw, my best friend, overheard this and knowing that troll had been bugging the shit outta me all night threw troll out of his house.

Since that time, troll has made attempts to get me in bed. Not even if he and I were the last two gay men on earth would that ever happen. Not saying I’d go straight first, but as long as I got two good hands, they’ll get a helluva lot more action from me than troll ever will.

Anyway, troll told several people, people I know btw, that he spent the night at my house Saturday and that we had sex all night. Furthermore, according to troll, I apparently said that I was going to get rid of the man I am currently seeing (like hell!) so that troll and I could be an item (excuse me while I heave up everything I have eaten or even thought about eating over the past three months).

The topper is, troll had the nerve to call me about half an hour ago to ask me if I would go have dinner with him. When I mentioned the fact that I had heard he spent the night with me Saturday night, he hung up the phone. Maturity at its best there. I guess I must be too much man for him. The mere mention of sex with me obviously makes him speechless. :rolleyes:

You slime slurping, gnat felching, bottom feeding, mud fence ugly, mouth breathing, remote control hogging, waste of a carbon based life form! FUCK OFF ONCE AND FOR ALL! Go crawl back into that primordial ooze of gay reject you managed to escape from and cease to take up space in the universe.

2

Well, I certainly hope you guys used a condom when you didn’t have sex! :stuck_out_tongue: Ever hear of AIDS???

::runs and hides::

  • s.e.
3

My point exactly! I’ve been fantasy fucked and don’t know if troll even had the decency to use protection.

btw… s.e. :wally But ya know I love ya more than my luggage.

4

Not to put a damper on things, but this sounds an awful lot like an ex-boyfriend of my best friend (f).

So, based on her experience with trolldom’s denizens:

here’s hoping you don’t need a restraining order.

5

SisterCoyote thanks for the support. However, if he’s so chickenshit that he’d hangup on me when I told him I knew what he said, I ain’t worrying.

6

Dem’s fightin’ words.

7

Oh, trust me - you can have lots of fun with this one. A couple of years back a friend (out of a large group of mutual friends) had an extra ticket to an Erasure concert, so I went with him, went to eat afterward, went back home, said goodnight on the doorstep, and went to bed (not alone, exactly…I DID have my little dog for company :slight_smile: ). It wasn’t until months later that I found out that not only had I had sex with him, I hadn’t even made it inside the apartment before I ripped his clothes off - that’s right, apparently we had sex on the STAIRCASE!!! (Gosh, wonder what the neighbors thought!) Too bad I lived in a first-floor apartment.

His telling the story to friends who were ALSO friends of mine was his first mistake. (His second mistake was momentarily forgetting that my younger brother was among this group of friends. Little bro can’t hardly handle the fact that his older sister has sex…he sure as hell doesn’t want to picture me having sex with one of his friends! :stuck_out_tongue: )

My point? It’s tons, tons, TONS of fun to confront jerks like this when you’re at dinner with a whole group of friends. It’s great - watching him instantly blush, stammer, try to deny, avoid eye contact with anyone and everyone, try to laugh it off, get angry, act like the wounded victim, and finally leave in humiliation, never again to be seen - one of the highlights of my life, I do believe.

Think of how much fun you, too, can have!

8

BWHAHAHAHA!!

Best. Use. Evar.

9

Well, why don’t you keep calling him back, telling him you want him so much you’d sacrifice your soul to Lucifer himself, invite him to a goth party, say your “other” friends want to initiate him as a member of the Save The Devil-Worshippers clan. Really fuck with his head. He may have the decency–and slight mark of intelligence–to not make up all this nonsense.

rfr :wink:

10

JonScribe put the remote down and back away slowly. That way no one gets hurt. :wink:

deborak you slut! On the staircase? At least my fantasy fuck happened inside. :smiley:

11

JonScribe,
I live about 30 minutes from you! Very cool.

swampbear, I hope this guy backs off of you, he sounds like a complete loser. Buy him a blow-up doll :slight_smile:

12

Can you at least call troll back and find out exactly what you and he did do? C’mon, man - we need details!! Did you enjoy it? Did he enjoy it? Was it more warm and cuddly or deeply passionate or hot, exciting, no-holds-barred lovin’?

What the hell good is getting fantasy fucked if you don’t know if he/you/it was any fun??

And please provide a follow-up the first time you do encounter him in person (preferably in public)!

:smiley:

13

deborak from what I’ve been told, it was a hot, no-holds barred all night long fuckfest. Apparently I couldn’t get enough of troll and was all over him like white on rice. Remember, I’m also supposed to be giving up the man I’m currently seeing (yeah, right!) for troll according to what troll told others. Seems like I’d remember an all night fuckfest. I mean I woulda been all sore and walking funny the next day, right? Hell, that’s the way I feel after current bf and I spend the night together. :smiley:

Somehow, I doubt I’ll be encountering him anytime soon. Oh, and get this, I was told he is pissed at the people who told me what he said. (This is beginning to sound like we’re all in the 10th grade.) Hmmmm…troll tells a great big stinker of a lie, gets caught, hangs up the phone rather than own up or dispute it when confronted…nah…this ain’t 10th grade behavior. More like 3rd grade running up and hitting me on the arm then running away. Hell, it might not even be that mature.