I needed the Teeming Millions to weigh in on this ‘debate’ that my wife and I were having with a friend.
The same friend was cooking dinner for us. Towards the end of the night (11:30ish) he receives a call from a female friend of his. He tells her that he has friends over and that he will call her when we have left. Curious, we ask what that was about. Apparently his female friend had just had a fight with her boyfriend. She wants to spend the night, and talk with him about her relationship. “Wait a minute! She is going to crash the night here? She talks to you about problems that she’s having with her boyfried?” I look at my wife, she looks at me, we’re both thinking…booty call. My friend however refuses to believe it, and we find out later that he didn’t even try anything.
He claims that she thinks of him as more of a ‘girlfriend’. (Yes, he is hetero). He says she has a strong relationship with her boyfriend. We point out that women who are in good relationships, do not go around complaining about it to other men. They especially don’t spend a night at another man’s house after fighting with their boyfriends.
He feels that most people wouldn’t see these it as a booty call. So I ask you…was it or wasn’t it?
I have a handful of straight male friends that I’d go and visit after having an arguement with the SO, that sex would never be involved, or even thought of. Sometimes, a woman wants to kvetch to another straight man about men to get a man’s point of view about the situation.
I dunno. I used to spend alot of time at a guy friend of mine’s place when things were rough. It just so happened that I didn’t feel pressured to talk about it or boy bash like I seem to when I run to my female friends. Sometimes you just wanna come over, complain for a few minutes… then have some pizza and play some video games.
Why’re you so concerned with what your friend and this girl are doing when you’re not around?
I’ve had numerous male friends over the years with whom I would discuss relationship problems and didn’t necessarily sleep with. A couple were FB type friendships but most weren’t–and the ones that were, that was established already. I love my girlfriends dearly, but guy friends give me an entirely different perspective, which can be very important. And sometimes when having boy problems, the company of a man who is not my boyfriend but is also not trying to get into my pants can be very comforting. Reminds me they’re not all idiots.
I don’t think it was. I’ve had a number of very close woman friends call late at night just to come over and talk. Never was it even close to a booty call, even with the one that was interested in me years back when she was single. Sometimes it’s just easier to talk about relationships with the opposite sex.
If it’s a booty call, I’m sure he would fess up right away. I know on the occasion that I’ve gotten them in the company of others, I let them know about it. What good is a booty call if you can’t tell your friends about it?!
We’ll cause he has told me that he has feeling for this girl, but thinks that there isn’t a chance. I think the fact that see is coming over when fighting with her boyfriend is a big indication that she has some feelings for him. I have been telling him to tell her how he feels.
Actually I am quite surprised at the some of the responses that were posted. I have arguments with my wife, but I would never leave in the middle of the night, go to a girlfriend’s house, and spend the night. I think it would be a great betrayal of trust. For the women who replied, your boyfriends/husbands would be okay with you spending the night with a guy friend during a fight? Let me reiterate what happened. Girl has fight with boyfriend. Comes over to spend the night. We’re not talking about talking about problems for an hour.
This is absolutely insane! What a narrow feild of vision people have today when it come to mixed gender relationships. Why does it imply that this girl wants to boink said man? Maybe she doesn’t have that many friends she can call at 1:30 in the morn.
Ya know scientist are saying now it is possible for a man and a woman to have a plutonic relationship. Even if its after 1:30 in the morn.
And as far as the spending the night goes? Well it beats spending $39.99 at a local hotel.
I wouldn’t have a problem if it were my wife because I trust her whole heartedly. That includes when we argue.
What are you talking about. Of course she wants him. Wants him bad! In fact, I bet that the air is just saturated with animal lust whenever she visits her “friend” After all, he sounds like quite an attrractive guy. More than likely he is very adept at scoring with the ladies WHEN HE CHOOSES TO!
Okay joses over.
Hmm very interesting archmichael ! I suppose that your high praise of these people is well founded indeed. And to think that this person actually thought about making a move on this girl. Whew ! I bet he is relieved to hear what others say. Wow, what a lucky guy, ehh !?
It depends, it could be a thinly veiled booty call - it could be legit.
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*Originally posted by archmichael *
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There’s a difference between talking for hours and crashing on the couch rather than going back home (you did say that she was coming over after midnight to talk - by the time the talk ended the sensible thing would be to stay put and sleep rather than driving back home) and sleeping naked in the same bed. The former probably doesn’t mean there’s a problem - the latter probably does.
Would you think the same way if she was a lesbian who had just gotten into a fight with her girlfriend and then went to a different girl’s house to talk about her problems and stay the night?
It shouldn’t be a betrayal of trust for anyone in a committed relationship to spend time with a platonic friend. If the relationship is a strong relationship there should be complete trust between both parties. If my SO said he was going to spend the night at a female friend’s house I would 100% trust him to be friendly only and completely asexual. He would do the same for me - and has. With an ex-boyfriend even. Nothing happened because I am 100% committed to my SO, I am not interested in my male friends sexually, and even if I was, the idea of screwing up a great relationship most certainly overrides the possibility of a no-strings-attached sexual experience. I’m not much into casual sex anyway, ick.
I have been bitten in the ass by this trusting policy before, sure. But until I have a solid, documentable reason to distrust my SO, I will trust them explicitly with whomever he chooses to spend his time. Just because two people are straight and of the opposite sex, or homosexual and of the same sex, does not mean that the moment the sun goes down they’re going to be going at it like rabbits. I find it incredibly counterprogressive to think otherwise, personally. shrugs
I’m voting for BC, myself. I mean, unless she was the next door neighbor, I see no (other) reason she would have to, much less need to, spend the night to talk about her problems.
I’ve talked to some of my (sadly platonic) female friends about some heavy stuff, including volumes upon volumes of boyfriend problems. Despite the fact that we were, at most, seven or eight miles from each other, the vast majority of these conversations took place over the phone. Now the girl obviously has one, but unless she’s physically allergic to it, or has a bad shoulder, I see no reason she’d have to come over, strip, and spend the night naked in his bed just to talk about her problems. Nope, doesn’t make any sense to me.
If a guy calls a female friend at 1.30 AM saying he wants to come over to discuss his relationship problems, that’s a genuine confirmed solid gold booty call.
Unless he’s gay, which would explain why he would want to talk about relationships in the first place;)
Where exactly in the OP did it say anything about her getting naked? Spending the night doesn’t necessarily mean in the bed together sans clothing. I’m assuming the guy has a couch.
Been there, done that, with my ex-wife. Only time it turns into a booty call is when we’re both single. Otherwise we just chill and vent. Sometimes she’d spend the night, and othertimes she wouldn’t.
I’d have to say that there were booty call intentions on her part. I’ve never had a fight with a boyfriend and spent the night at another man’s house. WTF?!? I have a guy friend whom I used to share all my relationship problems with but we would talk on the phone or go to a restaurant or talk at his house or mine and then we would part company!! I had spent the night at his house before but never after I had a fight with my boyfriend and I never slept with my friend either. The whole scenerio you described just sounds too convenient to me.
I’m with Rachelle on this one; either she intended it as a booty call, or she is very clueless about how her actions looked. To me, this is a red flag type of action. If my SO and I have a fight, the last thing I’m doing is heading straight for some other guy’s house to spend the night. I wouldn’t do anything there, any more than my SO would, but it looks really, really bad, and could lead to so many problems and misunderstandings that I just wouldn’t chance it. Just because my SO and I have a good, trusting relationship doesn’t mean that we go around testing that trust all the time.
I’d say it depends on the relationship between the people involved.
I have guy friends who I have gotten into deep convos with that lasted forever, until they said “You’re coming home with me”. (He had a bunk bed, we talked until we passed out, it was good. We repeat as often as possible. Totally platonic.) If he lived close enough and I lived with my SO and I fought with my SO…I’d be at his house in a heartbeat. (sniffle, sniffle “J…can I stay here…” whine)
Just because she talks with him about her probelms with her relationship and does so in the wee horus of the morning (nesesstiating some couch borrowing) does not a booty call make.
Unless they hooked up. But it sounds like she didn’t make a move on him and he didn’t make a move on her, so all is well. Guys and girls can have platonic supportive friendships.
