A bit of backstory first. Two weeks ago, some jackasses in another dorm here pulled some stunts, including trashing some other airman’s room and spraying the fire extinguishers everywhere. Using the fire extinguishers triggers an alarm at the firehouse and the Security Forces squadron. Prior to that, everyone who lives in the dorms had to attend a briefing about Bad Things happening in the dorms, including some jackass who decided to drive golf balls down the hallway. The base vice commander mentioned they caught the guy with fingerprints on a golf ball found embedded in the wall. So the people who trashed and sprayed had a choice: either come forward and take the consequences, or everybody living in that dormitory would have their Friday night ruined. How was it going to be ruined, you ask? First, everyone in that dorm will fall out in their full blues dress for uniform inspection. That inspection won’t be complete until everybody’s uniform is perfect. Then, everybody will change into their BDU’s and clean their rooms. First Sergeants and supervisors will inspect the rooms. Finally, everybody will clean the entire dorm.
Also, this week I learned that I have MST (Mobility Survival Training) next week. This is, basically, a week of site security training. This means from Tuesday until Saturday next week I’ll be sitting in a foxhole with a M-16 full of blanks, fighting off aggressors and living grubbily. This is the kind of thing I hate with a passion.
Flash forward to tonight. The guys who trashed the guy’s room had been caught; but the guys who sprayed had not. Pity on those poor bastards. So here I was, having just logged on to a UT2004 server for a few rounds of Jailbreak, when I heard this awful loud beeping and buzzing. I had no idea what was going on. I turn down the volume on my computer and it doesn’t stop. Did my compy just fail catastrophically? It was about then that I noticed a bright flashing through the crack of my door. I peek outside and the fire alarm is flashing. Fuck, I think: either it’s a fire drill or the dorm’s actually on fire. I put on some pants and shoes and beat feet out the door, noticing some high-ranking people dressed in blues on the way. Something’s terribly wrong. I get out to the parking lot and notice that everyone else is standing in a formation. And to what do I owe this pleasure?
Somebody had sprayed four fire extinguishers in this dorm about two hours ago. You have got to be fucking kidding me. Would anyone like to step forward and tell us anything about who did this? Somebody fucking own up to this, or say something. Nobody stepped forward. Go put on a uniform. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
It was about 8:30 then. I got to spend four hours cleaning my room and the dorm to anal-retentive tech school standards. Meanwhile, Security Forces checked all the fire extinguishers for prints. After all that, I got to stand in front of my room and wait for the Command Chief to release us. There went most of my Friday night.
First, to the waste of sperm who sprayed the extinguishers: You cock-mongling, ass-gorging shitbag. I hope you get, at minimum, an Article 15 with all the trimmings. That includes loss of rank, a month of lost pay, additional duties, and 30 days of Correctional Custody at Keesler. That’s 30 days of beyond Basic soul-breaking. It’s so bad, other branches of the military send their fuck-ups to Keesler to get unfucked.
To myself: Why the fuck did I join the military? I should have just gotten a fucking student loan. If I truly gave a shit back then, I would have known or found out about them. I also should have taken the time to learn that the Montgomery GI Bill only covers 36 months of college. I should have known that that son-of-a-bitch living in the White House would have invaded Iraq. And when the guy from this base came to our class in tech school and told us that we wouldn’t be working with the cool modern networking we were learning then; but rather the crap that was briefly mentioned in the first block (which was quickly followed by “You’ll probably never see this again”); I should have reclassed into a different career field. There’s something the rest of you probably don’t know about. It’s called “force shaping”. They’re getting rid of people in the Air Force, over 20,000 of them. And due to the circumstances, I could get out the middle of next year and still keep my GI Bill benefits. But, two other people in my shop have been denied the voluntary seperation because we’re in a critically-manned career field. Fuck.
And finally, to the higher-ups who were inspecting our building and my room: You know full well that whoever did this wasn’t here tonight. They either did it and then left immediately, or they live in a different dorm altogether. I just hope this is the last I see of this shit.
