OK, make that feeling a lot better. I got the job! I start Sunday, woohoo!
Terrific! It sounds as though quite a few things are looking brighter now. Glad to hear it. 
Glad to hear things are looking up now!
Amen to that! Borderline personality disorder patients do NOT just snap out of it or change. It is a frustrating illness even for mental health professionals to deal with because they are such manipulative and difficult patients. One of the hallmarks of the disease is that they have major problems keeping stable relationships. You don’t need to be dealing with his demons on top of your own problems. Good luck in moving on from this to better things!
CONGRATULATIONS!!! {{{{{RedRoses}}}}
What a dick.
I had this problem last year. My (then-)live-in girlfriend went to her ex’s house to “talk things out”–just talk, and she would be back in a couple of hours. After calling her several times and pacing around the house, I resigned myself to the reality that she wasn’t coming back that night. She explained the next day that she had accidentally fallen asleep on the guy’s couch. I actually believed her, because when it got late at night she was prone to fall asleep just about anywhere, and quite suddenly.
Then it happened again. And again. And again.
I feel your pain, RedRosesForMe. There’s nothing in the world that feels that bad (not even, FTR, having a cotton swab stuck up the penis-hole, which is as bad as it sounds if not worse).
Oh yeah. I definitely know that feeling. Dr. Dialect’s prescription is to spend as much time on the Dope as possible. And to cut this guy off completely, except to inform him that he’s going to have to pay you back.
FTR, avoidance of personal problems is a symptom of depression, so he clearly has some issues to deal with himself–whether or not an actual doctor or psychologist has officially diagnosed him with BPT. While I would never dream of doing that to a girlfriend, that kind of avoidance is exactly the thing I did routinely to my schoolwork, court date, work schedule, and pretty much everything else that was important to me before I sought treatment earlier this year. (For depression, then anxiety, now Panic Disorder, not Borderline.)
Argh. Too much time alone to think has brought back the gnawing, anxious sensation in the pit of my stomach. I had been feeling much better knowing that I’d only be responsible for myself, but now I’m… I don’t know.
Jealous, I guess, because I see he’s added this girl to his myspace, confirming that it is her (well, I figured the odds were that it was her, with the first name/last name, age, and location right that’s one hell of a coincidence. Also, this is embarrassing- there’s a reason I’ve deleted my myspace several times before, this would be it- getting upset over silliness); rejected; in limbo because he hasn’t come by and his stuff is still here. He did respond to my email, he said he would come by soon, so I’m planning on cleaning and packing up his stuff. His myspace (seriously, somebody stop me) still states “In a Relationship,” and in our brief talk on the porch yesterday when I went to get my bike back he said he wasn’t sure what he wanted and needed some time alone to figure it out. I didn’t want to end it right there, just because there’s a lot I want to say that couldn’t be said there. So that might be a bit of an unpleasant surprise for him.
But on the bright side, my hall closet will no longer be full of guitars (and a mandolin) and I can put tomatoes in whatever I want!
Quit going to his MySpace. You’re looking for an explanation, because you don’t want to believe his actions. That’s not healthy and you know it.
Keep busy. That seemed to work well for you…pack up his stuff, maybe drop it off at his work?
Congrats on the job…I hope the roommate situation works out too.
I hate this touch-and-go business. I feel worse, I feel better. I went over to a friend’s house (more his than mine) just wanting to talk, because she knows him better than just about anyone and would be better than talking to my friends, because they’d be saying more what you’re saying, and I was hoping to have a talk with him by proxy if you know what I mean. She wasn’t there, though, so I just sort of drove around.
I just wish I had a f*$%ing phone! I sent my best friend an extremely long email explaining the situation (he’s about 3 hours away, won’t be back for a couple weeks and then only for a day before he’s off to visit family for Christmas) but email just doesn’t cut it, you know? My phone is cut off after an unexpectedly high bill (I never go over, and rarely use it, so it’s always around $50 a month) because like an ass I added a line and phone so my BF could have a phone, but then he lost his job. I’ve been waiting to save up so I can pay this bill off, because I’ve been very happy with Alltel for several years, but now I might just get a MetroPCS phone for cheap and pay Alltel later. Actually, does anyone know if I can use my LG with MetroPCS, or do I have to buy one of their phones?
Well, if I look on the bright side, at least I’m not knocked up or in a huge amount of debt because of him. He does owe me a bit, well a lot, but not thousands of dollars and credit cards maxed out or anything like that. I just tried to help him out when he got a really good job, but that job didn’t end up working out so… yeah.
The Update:
He just stopped by briefly to let me know he’s borrowed a car and will be getting most of his stuff. It was amicable, he’ll be back soon and we’ll talk, but it seems at this point there’s not a whole lot to say.
My fears of this girl are unfounded. She is actually just ending a relationship with somebody else and from what he’s said about her, and what I’ve seen of her, he’s really not interested (she’s, um, so not his type it’s almost funny).
He just wants to be single. He needs some space, which is fine, I had worried when we started dating because it hadn’t been too long since he’d gotten out of the “nightmare” relationship with the controlling crazy ex. I mean, his friends jokingly suggested slipping her a mickey so she’d fall asleep and he’d be able to go out with his friends, because he wasn’t “allowed” otherwise, that’s how bad. Even though I’m not jealous or controlling or anything, I could see how being in any relationship after that would still seem to be sort of constricting, if you know what I mean.
So that’s good. He’s staying at a friend’s nearby, so I won’t have to worry about that, and I know that the people he’s been hanging out with recently are good people.
This is much better. Just getting it sorted out, having the peace of mind that he’s ok and we can still be friends is such a relief. I had felt so bad, knowing that there is definitely mental illness involved.*
So things are settled, it just didn’t work out but we’re ok with that. And I am so relieved at this point, we can go back to being friends which, apparently, we should have just stayed in the first place.
*I normally take a dim view of reading something on the internet and diagnosing yourself, but he has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder before, but hasn’t been treated for it in years, and it seems that Borderline Personality Disorder often occurs in conjunction with, or is confused for, bipolar disorder. And reading that article on Borderline, I could immediately check off each of the symptoms just from observing his behavior, and after reading it he became very upset because his family has been very harsh regarding some of his behavior, and it turns out that there was something actually wrong with him all along.
If you suspect he has borderline personality disorder, and you’ve currently split up, you should count yourself lucky and stay as far away as possible. Borderlines can rarely be helped, and they make peoples lives hell in the meantime. If you have the opportunity of getting back together with him - Don’t.
And that’s not even addressing the shameful way he has actually treated you. In years to come you may observe his trail of destruction and think, “wow, was I ever lucky to get away from there.”
Good luck. You sound like a rational person who deserves better.