I’d be pissed that I married a girl that, right up until meeting me, was having drunken one night stands. I’d date a girl like that, sure. But that’s not the one I want to marry.
Hah…my best friend actually DID sleep with my boyfriend in college, VERY drunk, a couple years before I met him. She introduced us later after he graduated and moved to the city I was in school at. She told me of course (probably at the time because she usually relayed her antics to me in college, and then later on again). She actually never liked him either, she had a huge thing for his roommate for a long time, who never reciprocated. That is how she knew my bf actually. And he wasn’t into her, he knew she was into his roommate and they’re not very compatible either. But they were around each other a lot because of the roommate and hey add lots of beer and ya know.
She “had fun” in college (so not like he was special…) and there were zero feelings on either of their parts, it was once, drunk, and before he knew I existed. Don’t care. Won’t like and say I love the fact they’ve slept together, but whatever.
I would have been pissed if she had introduced us and then lated dropped that bomb, but I knew before he even came to my apartment to hang out. No secret.
If I found myself giving a shit about this, it would be one happy day indeed, as it would mean that I had clearly run out of real problems.
Either my best friend or my SO can time travel and didn’t tell me? Fuckers.
I would understand why they didn’t want to tell me too (well, I don’t know why my friend wouldn’t tell me when I first started talking to the guy, but if for some reason she didn’t hear that we were seeing each other until it was more serious). I don’t think I’d really be mad at either of them, I just wouldn’t LIKE it.
I’m really not the type to care, but I wonder if this was causally related to me ending up married to someone who slept around. Was my lack of innate jealousy something he thought would work to his advantage? I still don’t care who he slept with before we were married. I wasn’t planning on marrying a virgin.
That aside, I can see how these things go unsaid. There’s just never a right time and then it’s too late and then you just have to.
I can’t even work up the emotions if I try.
I’m a woman.
I don’t understand why you’d expect for your friend to offer this information. What good is it? I mean, if one of my friends started dating a girl I had once had a brief romantic fling with it, why in the hell and how in the hell would I work that into a conversation? It’s not important information.
I wouldn’t think you are. Not my best friend, but a friend in my circle made this apologetic confession to me regarding a women I was seeing at the time.
I held no ill will towards him for it, infact I gained more respect for him for stating it outright.
I wouldn’t care in the slightest. If I found out that she’d had sex with some guy with a nickname like “Mad Dog” who might come at me with a chainsaw out of jealousy, that I’d worry about. A friend? Meh.
Wouldn’t bother me, although like everyone else I’d be wondering why it was kept secret for three years and why it’s been brought up now.
I can easily see how it could take three years. The BF and your SO had drunk sex, they decided that they weren’t going to have a relationship. All is fine.
Then you meet your SO and start to go out. You tell your BF about this new hot man/woman and the BF is really happy for you. Things are going great, and you have a dinner to introduce them to each other.
Now, if they hadn’t have had drunk sex, say they had been in a relationship before, then it would have been clear that one of them needed to tell you. As is it, your BF and doesn’t have a lot of drunk one-night stands or he/she wouldn’t be racked with guilt, so when you all meet at the bar before going to dinner, they look at each other and go “oops.”
Since it’s your BF and not just a casual friend, you’re getting them together fairly soon in the relationship, so there is a degree of uncertainty on your SO’s part about how you are going to react to the news. Your BF also knows that you haven’t done a lot of drunk one night stands or else s/he wouldn’t have waited for three years to tell. Seriously, if you are both players, then s/he would have told you much sooner. Not on the spot, but would have brought it up at some point.
So, the three of you are at the bar, they are embarrassed, freeze for a second and the quicker thinker blurts out “It’s so you to meet you, X has been telling me all about you.” The other party is relieved to get out of the awkwardness, and goes along with it. Then they keep up the fiction and like the urban legend of boiling the frog, never know when to jump out.
Three years later, the BF finally has to say, "Sorry, I just didn’t know how to tell you this. . . "
One of my friends here in Japan met his wife at a singles bar. He joked with me that I may have slept with his wife (I hadn’t) but if they are both going to singles bars, and drinking, there is a greater than zero percent chance that each of them have had one-night encounters.
My best friend slept with my SO before we got together? I wouldn’t be mad, I’d be turned on! (For the record, I’m a guy, my best friend and my SO are both women.) I’d also be jealous of my SO, since for years before I met her I had a huge crush on my BF.
I can see how it might be awkward, but if my best friend started dating a guy that I had once had sex with, I’d find a way to tell her. I hope I would anyway. I would not want her to learn about it another way.
I would not hold the sex against either of them. But keeping it a secret feels wrong to me. I could see myself looking back on the last three years and wondering if I missed signs that some of that attraction that led them to have sex in the first place ever crept back in. I’m assuming that these 3 people see a lot of each other though. I’d feel different if they weren’t close friends, but the OP said best friend.
Of course I’d care - I mean, wanting to fuck him must mean she was attracted to him - what if that attraction’s still there? What if they’re just holding it all in, and one day, say, when I’m unexpectedly called out of town, and he comes over, their eyes will lock, and…Fap! Fap! Fap!
But seriously, no, I wouldn’t care. Speaking as someone who near-slept-in-a-reciprocal-oral-fashion with someone a friend later went out with, and I don’t think she’s told him (and I certainly haven’t - it’s really none of his business)
I love this post.
Count me in as on the list of thoe that wouldn’t be upset by the act… just the opposite.
However, the holding of that kind of secret for that long would bother me.
Eh, it’s like telling someone afraid of spiders that they obviously don’t have any real life things to be afraid of. Sometimes shit ain’t rational.
The only think that would irk me is “why are you telling me this now?” and “why are you telling me this at all”? Unless either party actively lied to me with a direct question from me disclosing their previous relationship, why would I give a rat’s ass, and why (if I’m the one who did the boinking) would I possibly want to tell my friend about this? Why is that sort of disclosure necessary or important?
Well, I’m a straight married man, and my best friend is a straight married woman who was married long before I met my wife, so such a confession would be explosive.
Far from being upset, I’d think it was kind of hot. I’d ask if he had pictures.