Just finished watching a movie where in a guy finds out his BF boinked his wife three months before he even met his wife. In the movie, the guy is all upset about this.
I’m thinking: “Who the fuck cares?” I can’t imagine this would bother me in the slightest.
Just wondering if I’m in the minority.
To set up the hypothetical:
You and your SO have been together for three years. Racked with guilt, you BF finally confesses to you that he/she boinked your SO three months before they met. (It was just a drunken one night stand.) The BF in question never told you until now because he/she didn’t want to hurt you or spoil an obvious budding romance.
Bonus points for anyone who can guess what movie I just watched. (Might want to put it in spoilers tho’.)
Rationally it shouldn’t matter. But we’re wired to feel jealousy over the sexual relationships of our mates, so whether it should matter or not, I think most people would be at least a little bothered by it.
I think I’d be bothered about the fact that I wasn’t told for 3 years. I would probably be looking back on the last few years and wondering what else I might have missed about my spouse and best friend.
It would bother me. It wouldn’t be the worst thing ever or anything, but I wouldn’t like it. Plus, of course, the fact that they’d kept this secret from me.
I don’t think this would bother me or most men. I think it would bother women more, even to the point of ending the friendship. I would have some question as to why the person needed to mention the fact in the first place. See, my mindset is that guys don’t care so why tell me?
It’s not the boinked part, it’s the “Just told me” part that would be of concern. Why the secrecy? It’s something that should have been brought up by the SO before the wedding IMO. Hopefully as something to be casually filed away as “before my time;” but nonetheless, it’s weird these two people knowing this elephant was in the room and me being left out of it. Each of them should have told me just in case it mattered to me.
Like others I’d be more pissed that it was withheld from me for years than that it happened at all. On the other hand, my friends know that I wouldn’t want to date anyone a]they had slept with/dated or b]who had drunken one-night stands generally (being that I don’t drink or have casual sex myself). So knowing I’d disapprove and possibly not date someone because of that would be a valid reason to withhold the information, I guess.
It also depends on the friend. Among my closest friends are a gay man, two women who have been quite promiscuous, one mostly with the kinds of shady dudes I would not want any 2nd or 3rd degree sexual contact with, and a woman who was a virgin until 24. Those are all very different scenarios.
It wouldn’t bother me, and I’ll be in the minority here and will say that I would be sympathetic to both my wife and my best friend for not saying anything. That is one hell of a difficult conversation to have. Now, had they had a relationship or something more serious than a one-night stand, then I would be a little more bothered about them not telling me.
I’d be horrified and aghast. I doubt I’d ever be able to trust my so called ‘best friend’ again. How long has he been using the term ‘boinked’? I mean, what the hell?
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What the hell else has he been saying when I wasn’t around? ‘Guess-timate?’ ‘Hissy fit?’ ‘Fucktard’ when not preceeded by ‘teamkilling!?’ Where do the lies stop?
Since full disclosure of all past physical relationships was a condition of me agreeing to marry my husband, I would be mad as hell because he had lied to me. I would divorce him.
I agree that this would be a different story if they had a relationship- that might be something I’d want to know, if not so that I could have a clue as to know that dynamic works now.
But I can completely understand why a new BF wouldn’t want to bust out “Hey, BTW, I had drunk-o sex with your buddy once” in the early stages of a relationship, and how it would quickly get too late to bring it up without being weird.
I might be mildly mad at my friend, but mostly because she kept me in the dark on some good gossip. If I’m dating someone and you know him intimately, I want the rundown on what I have to look forward to!