Your conquest speech

“Peoples of the Earth: The life you knew is over; I am your new master”

Or words to that effect. In conjunction with this thread, what would be your meglomaniacal speech of conquest?

As in this thread, I would let a minion be my public face so everyone is gunning for him. As for the speech, he knows what to say, or else!

People of Earth: Get the Hell Off My Lawn!

If you didn’t know that the conquest has already happened, then my plan worked perfectly.

Let the blood of my enemies fill the streets with crimson revenge.

Stop jumping in the puddles, damnit.

“Let the wailing and gnashing of teeth begin …

Alternate speech:

“In your face, world! HA!”

Ladies and gentlemen, let the party begin.

“Aaaaannnnnddd… I’m spent.”

Heh. Would you believe I actually had a first draft of a speech like this, tucked away on my computer? Part creative writing, part “semper paratus.”

I just dug it out, again…not updated since May, 2003. (Good times…)

It’s a little plan specific (death ray satellites are mentioned), 5 paragraphs long, and is as yet incomplete—the last bit cuts off just as I was quoting principles outlined in the Declaration of Independence as a kind of justification for usurping power from the governments of the world.

Also, it’s not very funny, or properly melodramatic (i.e., no “On a mountain of skulls in a castle of pain, I sat on a throne of blood/Thy Gods art laid Ashen and Slain by Atomic Hellfire” type lines. Mores the pity).

“Now fetch me a beer.”

“Right you lot, your time of easy going is done”

“Now fetch me Keeley Hazell, Scarlett Johansson some Viagra and a beer and be fuckin’ quick about it”

OK, everybody…


All Skate, Now Reverse!

“People of the North American continent, please begin relocating elsewhere. I have designated this continent as my official summer vacation spot. See you in the fall.”

I haven’t quite finished working on my speech, but somewhere I’ll have to fit in the line: “My reign will be as inhuman as if a race of alien cyborgs had conquered the Earth and turned you all into brains in jars”.

“Alright girls…get in line…”

“Rest assured my goal is to build a free and prosperous society, unless someone pisses me off.”

“All your base are belong to ME!!!”

God, I know it’s so old and bad, but it’s the first thing that popped into my mind and I can’t think of anything better.

For the record, I laughed so loudly at this my wife had to take her phone call into the other room. :smiley:

[Nelson Muntz]Ha ha![/nm]