I wish I lived back in the Old West. But instead of carrying six-shooters, I’d carry soldering irons. Then, when someone saw them they’d laugh and say, “Look, he’s got soldering irons.” And I’d say, “That’s right, they’re soddering irons…the Soldering Irons Of Justice!” Then he’d feel real bad about making fun of the Soldering Irons Of Justice, and I could probably hit him up for a drink or something.
He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved the land so much he made a woman out of dirt and married her. Then a strong wind came along and blew her away. At the funeral, when the preacher said, “Dust to dust,” some people laughed. And he shot them. At the hanging, he said, “I’ll be waiting for all of you in heaven, with a gun!”
I think a great book would be about a clown that made everyone happy, but was really sad on the inside. Also, he had an extreme case diarhea.
I wish I had a kryptonite cross. Then I could keep both Dracula and Superman away.