Growing up, my sister would tell me, “If I had a dog as ugly as you, I’d shave its butt and teach it to walk backwards.”
Fast forward many years, and my Boxer grew a big lump on the back of her thigh, and it had to go. The vet shaved her butt, and excised the lump. Of course, I had to take a picture of my dog’s shaved ass, put my sister’s name on it, and sent it to her…
Well, shit.
You mean, wayull sheeyut! 
“Well, I’ll be shit and shot for stinkin’!”
(To finish the conversation)
“Nope.”
“Squ-eet!”
How about using “about” or “'bout” in declarative statements whenever humanly possible? For example, “I mean, I’m about gonna post this, but I want to preview it first.”, or “This is just 'bout the best that the boards have run in a long time!”
"You’re built to low to the gound see,
You got a hole in you’re glove,
I keep pitch’n em
you keep miss’n em.
You gotta keep you’re eye on the ball.
Eye,
Ball,
You see there sonny, I almost made a funny,… Almost…"
Foghorn leghorn…
OH yeah forgot to add they’re also called colloquialisms
My high school algebra teacher, when asked if he was serious about something, would say “Serious as a bee sting and three heart attacks.”
What? Nobody has mentioned “fixin to”
I’m fiddin to go to the store.
The first time I said that up north everyone laughed their asses.
Some good ones I know…
Happier than a pig/hog in shit.
Colder than a witch’s titty in a brass bra.
Reguarding drinking:
F****d out of the frame (that would be as in the frame of a house?)
also… To’ up from the flo’ up.
Tore up from the floor up.
What else? There are obviously much more racist ones reguarding sweating and reading. I don’t really like racism, but well… some jokes are still funny, but I won’t post it. I am not sure which the best choice is for fighting ignorance.
isn’t the word shy a southernism?
I’m three cents shy of a dollar? I think the proper northernism would be “short,” right?
What about “Does a bear sh*t in the woods?” as an answer to a question whose answer is an obvious yes.
Also… “He was runnin’ like he stole something”
He beat him like a rented mule (good one)
red-headed stepchild.
hmm… I can’t really think of too many more because my parents weren’t too redneck, but I’ve had the influence.
My favorite so far is the one about being eaten by a bear and shit off a cliff.
Being from the south it is a little hard for me to know exactly which of these are Southern, but those are some I know.
well sheeeeiit is a good one too. Bonus if you get the Slim Pickens intonation. In general just listen to Slim Pickens in any movie and he is full of them.
After falling off the roof of a neighbor’s house, where he’d been helping repair some tornado damage, my 80±year-old grandfather responded with the canonical Southern retort for a situation that’s bad but could have been a lot worse: “I feel like I been shot at and missed and shit at and hit”.
The truly scary thing is that I say just about all these.
Here’s some:
“frog-strangler” or “gullywasher” for a big rainstorm.
“Slower than molasses runnin’ uphill in January.”
I say “Well shucky darn and slop the hogs!” when I’m being funny.
To expand on the “bear shits in the woods” line, I’m liable to say “Is a bear Catholic?” when that situation comes up. It comes from the other question like that, “is the Pope Catholic?” Sometimes, if I’m really joking around, I’ll even ask “Is a bear Catholic? Does the Pope shit in the woods?”
More nervous than an alter-boy in a room full of Catholic priest…
/going to hell
If’n he runs up on that there bear, he does!
“God willin’ and the creek don’t rise” if you are hoping to do something.
Already noted, but my fave (and I am *really * southern so my fave should count for something 
“He needed killin’”
“Pore as a church mouse”
We don’t use so many of these in my family but I love to go to the big reunions and just listen…my cousins and I used to listen out and try to hear new ones:
“She sure has fell off a lot…” meaning she lost weight. :eek: You mean it can fall off … how convenient and how did she do it?
“Frog-choker” “Gully-washer”… lots of rain.
“The devil’s a’beatin’ his wife today!”…the sun is shining during rain
“I didn’t fall off the watermelon truck yesterday!”…meaning “I’m not stupid” but then again, I did just say that :rolleyes:
“Happy as a junebug!” and I always wondered about that because when I was a kid we tied string to a junebug’s leg and flew them around…wouldn’t make me too happy.
Gawd…I do luv the South! Nothing quite like it! Ya’ll come, ya hear?
:smack: And how could I forget:
"Hey ya’ll, watchis!"
usually uttered by someone before they do something reeeeealllly stupid!
Formal English: “It doesn’t make any difference.”
Colloquial Southern: “It don’t make no never-mind.”
When discussing the weather…
it was colder than a witch’s tit
or
hotter than a two-peckered goat.
I don’t recall the context but I’ve heard my South Carolina born boss use the phrase, “that dog don’t hunt.”
It’s a polite way of saying, “You’re full of shit,” the metaphorical dog being a statement or declaration, and its lack of expertise in field sports being its corresponding lack of veracity. 
I heard this from my dad, who came from Oregon.
I have an aunt in Texas who would say, “That scared the puddin’ outta me.” This sweet lady wouldn’t say sh*t under any circumstances.
My grandmother, who also wouldn’t use the moist common scatalogical term, used to say “Bug dust!” when something riled her. I don’t think she ever made the connection. She was from Iowa, but Southern stuff does get around, as we’ve just seen.
I’ve met the most redneck Kentuckian here in Australia. A few that I have dropped-jawed at are:
Gawahn GIT! (When a strange animal comes into the yard.)
Suckin’ on the hind tit. (When things are great.)
Eatin’ high off the hog. (When the food is scrumptious.)