Your first SO outside of your race: Do you make a point of telling your parents?

For instance, if your white female and you’re talking to your parents on the phone: “…Yeah, I can’t wait to introduce you to my new BF. Oh and he’s black by the way…”
Do you even bother to tell them the race of your new SO? Or do you just let them find out on their own?

Man, white people really do live in a different universe than I do, huh? I would never even bring it up, because who cares?

They’d have seen it on facebook long before. Anyway I talk to my parents far too often for that sort of a revelation.

I spent some time with a guy who is half Mexican. It didn’t come up until I had occasion to mention his last name.

My parents aren’t the type of people who would care about that sort of thing so I can’t imagine making a point of mentioning it. They’ll figure it out eventually and then they’ll not care about it.

When people ask me for advice about a situation like this, I tell them if they think there is even a possibility their parents will have an objection or an issue, inform them before they find out on their own.

No. They would notice when they see her, I guess.

My wife is Hispanic and her family (her father really) would have gone ape if I was black. Or Jewish. So I don’t think it’s just a “white people universe” thing. Her cousin told her father that I was Jewish as a joke and I don’t think the guy really trusted me (despite assurances from everyone else) until he personally witnessed us getting married in a Catholic church.

For the OP, I mentioned her race to my mother fairly early on but that’s because my wife immigrated from Peru so that was just part of her “story” in telling my mom about her. My mom didn’t care and I didn’t expect her to. Living in the Chicago area which comparatively doesn’t have many S. American immigrants, it’s almost sort of a shield. If she was Hispanic-Mexican, she’d be one of “them” but as a Hispanic-Peruvian it’s “Isn’t that interesting?”

My first boyfriend was Laotian. I don’t think I ever brought it up to my parents. I also dated a guy who was half black. Never mentioned it either. My parents can figure it out for themselves when I bring the guy to meet them.

just show up for dinner.

My mother is 80. She is very open minded and wouldn’t object but she comes from a generation where such things were at least unusual and maybe shocking. I would tell her before it walked in the door. When I was younger I’m sure she would have advised me about the difficulties of mixed race couples. But I’m sure she understands things have evolved in the last 30 years. And she spent a decent amount of time mingling with my exwifes family which is racially diverse.

Not really an issue that will come up. My girlfriend is so white she can burn on a rainy day in November and I don’t see any others after her.

I’ve had black boyfriends tell their family I was white. I got the idea that one would have thought it was really weird if I’d just shown up all unexpectedly white.

Anyway, with my family it would never come up, even if they hadn’t always known I’d always dated black guys, because my family talks way too fucking much so the “tell me every single thing about him” talk would have already happened.

My mother is going to be 90 in a couple of weeks. She remembers not being allowed to play with the little girl down the street, because she was Catholic. Today, she has a Jewish son-in law, a black granddaughter in law, a half-black great-granddaughter – and a Catholic son. Only the last really bothers her much.

Did you not see 'Guess Who" with Ashton Kutcher and Zoe Saldana? If you don’t tell your parents beforehand, all kinds of hilarity and hijinks will ensue.

White dude here. My sister dated a couple of Asian boys when she was in high school in the late 1970’s, wasn’t any big deal. I don’t know if she made it a point of telling our parents before they met these boys.

I dated a Korean-American girl in high school. Again, no issue.

I’m now married to a Japanese woman. No issue. (My brother has dated a series of Asian women lately…What the hell is it with my family and Asians??? :confused:)

I think the ethnicity/race of one’s SO may come up in casual discussion as one more descriptive point, like occupation or age or hair color, but I can’t see bringing it up as some sort of stern advisory matter.

“Yeah, I’m dating this woman I met at the park the other day. She’s 29, she works as a law clerk, and she’s Korean-American.” That works.

“Look, I don’t want there to be any surprises, so I’m just letting you know up front that she’s Korean, alright? I trust this won’t be a problem?” No, not gonna bring it up like that.

I brought a white person home and nobody gave a shit. Well, I guess every family has that one militant Nation of Islam type, but outside of that, meh. I guess generally speaking, particularly if you have previously dated only within your own race, your family might assume the SO you’re talking about is the same race as you, so seeing them might be a surprise if they’re not, but eh. “Eh” is as far as it goes. If my brother brought a white girl home for dinner, considering he’s 31 and this would have been his first white girlfriend ever, I’d think to myself “Oh, I guess I had a different mental picture of her,” then I’d ask her to pass the fried plantains and be done with it.

That’s my problem. I have not seen this movie.

my grandmother was upset about my “mixed marriage,” but I never knew if it was because my wife wasn’t white or because she wasn’t Jewish.

But, as I recall, I didn’t mention race before they met her.

I mentioned it to my parents, and they didn’t care my wife was Mexican-American. Nor did her mom care. Her dad did initially, but I think that was the fear that since I wasn’t Latino (or Catholic) that I would be really inconsiderate and stubborn. Once he met me, saw my work ethic and my strong encouragement for my wife to go to Grad School, he didn’t mind that I was white. I’m pretty easygoing when it comes to the Catholic stuff, and they are very accomodating to the fact that I’m not religious. The other day my wife invited me to attend the Rosary for her recently-deceased Aunt, and I politely declined (but did commit to attending the funeral). My absence was a non-issue for her family, and any amount of voluntary participation is taken as a huge compliment to them. So everyone is happy. :slight_smile:

Apparently my brother-in-law being gasp Guatemalan was a bigger deal in my wife’s family than me being a gringo.

I guess in this case it wasn’t JUST that I was white, but also that our backgrounds could hardly have been more different. He was from a gigantic, non-white-people-dating family in rural Arkansas. They didn’t mind that I’m white (as far as I know) but they were surprised, and generally you don’t want anyone to be too surprised at first meeting or things can be awkward. Saying I’m white would be part of the warning that “hey, she’s not like us, she’s a quiet, kind of neurotic vegetarian Seattle white girl” or however he put it…

If it were to happen today, I don’t think I’d mention it. But back when I had recently graduated high school, yes, I did mention to my mom that my new beau was Black, because I wasn’t entirely sure how it would be received, and I wanted to deal with it with her in a situation which wouldn’t embarrass him (meanwhile, he shared the news with his family in the same way, for the same reason.) My mom gave me the, “As long as he’s a good man, I don’t care, but I do have concerns that raising a biracial child might be more challenging,” speech. We were very far from reproducing, however, and it never got to that stage. This was in the early 90s, when my hometown was still Whiter than Wonderbread.

I wouldn’t warn Mom, although I know it would blow her mind. Upon introductions Mom would be having a cow but she’s too graceful to let on that it’s making her head explode. I would certainly tell my SO beforehand that Mom is a racist POS and that she is more than welcome to put the old woman in her place if she feels a sleight. Or if she prefers, to let me know when a line has been crossed and I’d do it myself.

ETA: Actually, I guess I’d ask my SO how she’d like to handle it. Like, “Hey, Mom’s a racist POS and I don’t know how she’s going to react to you. You want me to warn her or do you want to just see how it all goes down?”