Your co-workers are way off base.
The main clue, in my opinion, that points to this is that HE TOLD YOU. If you weren’t even going to be there, and he had an ulterior motive, he would NOT be telling you that he was going fishing in the widow barrel.
I think if he HAS an ulterior motive, it’s to look good to YOU by being sure to tell you what a great guy he’s being to some of his kids’ friends.
I’ve been drinking so there’s that. Given that, my first thought is you’re being paranoid. You are over thinking the situation by a factor of five. He knows the boys. He knew their father (at least well enough to speak to his widow and offer to take the boys off her hands for a day or two). He is trying to help the boys as much, if not more, than the widow.
That’s my first thought.
It could easily be wrong, in which case I blame the alcohol. And also Elucidator. Just because.
Regards,
-Bouncer-
Vulnerable how? I mean that honestly, for anyone who wants to answer. I’m trying to imagine how a grief event would ever make me or someone else susceptible or desirous of sex, and for the life of me, I simply cannot.
In addition, as another poster pointed out, anger, indeed rage is boiling under the surface along with that grief. Woe be unto the muthaplucka who got caught trying to manipulate that for whatever ends. I’m a guy, and I don’t make scenes, but I’m pretty sure they’d get a “police response required” level scene out of me including thrown furniture and people going through windows the hard way. I remember when my father passed away and the level of rage I felt was just phenomenal. You mess with that (in anyone) at your peril.
I’m sure others handle it differently, but I dunno, wouldn’t a woman just slap the bejesus out of someone?
Regards,
-Bouncer-
Not to single you out, but I think the idea of “The Billy Crystal Rule” is for dickheads who make the rest of us look bad (the whole idea that men and women can’t be friends was one reason among many I hated that movie). I have plenty of women friends I don’t want to have sex with. Guys who don’t come off as misogynistic to me.
As far as the OP, I was confused not just by the question (getting into her pants didn’t occur to me at all) but the whole wording of the situation - why not say “boyfriend” if you’re seeing each other? “Friend” doesn’t imply romantic relationship at all (unless you believe in the Billy Crystal Rule).
IMNSHO, the guys at your job are a bunch of jerks. I think your man did a good thing and you’ve got a keeper with him.
Totally innocent- He’s a good guy trying to help. For some reason the fact that this is even up for debate makes me inordinately annoyed. Can’t people just be fucking decent to each other without others second guessing their motives?
my first thought without looking at the other comments:
Why is this even a thread? I don’t see any story, plot or idea that would make this anything other than a boring conversation I might have with my wife…“Hey, hon, so and so’s boys are going to be with what’s his name this weekend”…(her looking up from her sewing)…“that’s nice; take out the garbage.”…returns to sewing.
I’m female and I think it was a nice offer to the new widow. If she agrees, she will accept the offer, If she doesn’t agree, she will decline the offer.
She may need some time to grieve privately, sleep, or get some paperwork in order.
Male here - if he wanted to “get into her pants” - he could have suggested:
But he didn’t do that.
He has two kids of his own, so it is no big fuckin’ deal to take two more kids along on any outings - movies, ball game, hiking or whatever. Chances are the kids know and like each other, so they will have a great time hanging out. Also, my guess is that is something he might have hoped someone would do for his kids, had he died and the situation was reversed.
When we were young (three boys and mom and dad) we used to go on vacation to Indiana Beach every summer. The father of my older brother’s friend died and my parents offered to take him along with us on vacation and the mother was thrilled. Just last month, 45 years later, my older brother mentioned that this little vacation with us was a powerful memory for that guy - and he later took his family to Indiana Beach every summer and had fond memories of the place. He once told my brother that it was a great break from being at home with his mom and he knew his mom needed some alone time as well. So there is an example of just doing a nice thing for a widowed, single mother that proved to be an important moment in that kid’s life, even after he grew up and had a family of his own.
male, and the thought of him having that sort of ulterior motives didn’t cross my mind.
Your coworkers aren’t reacting that way because they are men. They are reacting that way because that is what they would do in that situation.
Haven’t read the other replies.
I think this is generally a good thing, but only if this is the kind of thing that might have happened prior to the dad’s death–if the guys might come over for a sleepover or a movie night or something like that, or if they’d all travel together to go to an away game, then spending the weekend at Bill & Ted’s place is a nice, well-intentioned opportunity for the widow to get some paperwork, grieving, cleaning & associated whatever done.
OTOH, if he’d never really spoken to them before and hadn’t spent time together, this might well be darn creepy to the widow, who has a lot of things on her plate right now, and not particularly welcome.
Wanting to get into the widow’s pants, less likely since he told you.
The pedeophilia angle less likely because of the four boys, isolating one would be the more likely approach.
Just doing a good deed is the alternative.
I don’t see a problem here. Female.
Female here. My first thought was, why are you even asking about this situation? I don’t understand why anyone would post about this as if there were some sort of problem. Then I began to wonder . . . do you mean “my friend” or do you mean “my BOYfriend”? And then I thought, what difference does it make which it is? The guy is doing a nice thing for two boys and their mother.