It depends on the friend and the couple, but I would probably approach the guy, and tell him I felt uncomfortable about what I had seen or heard. I’d ask him to revisit his actions–if he’s blameless, great. If not, then knock it off. I wouldn’t tell his wife, however. Let him worry that I might.
I’d like to apologize for my histrionics in my last post. I just get so upset when people try to help me mind my business. The fact is, nobody knows all the facts about someone else’s life and shouldn’t be trying to “stir the turd”. I can see from sylphishone’s other posts that she is considerate and trying to think this over thoroughly and I applaud her for that.
Dung Beetle you are a true lady and a scholar.
can’t you tell anonymously?
IMHO.
Opps sorry UncleBeer
"I think one of my friend’s husband is cheating on her. "
Thinking isn’t proof…
Even if you got some proof I would keep my nose to my own business, they might have an agreement you don’t know about.
I should make myself more clear. I WOULD NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES tell my friend unless I was a personal eye witness to the actual sex act. However, the purpose of my question was to guage what most people would think would be appropriate if I were to physically catch him in the act.
I think at that point I would feel compelled to tell. I have decided that from reading the posts. The compelling post was the one that reminded me that he could be exposing her to disease.
It looks like I am in the minority, but I say TELL HER.
My ex-husband cheated on me several times, and after I divorced him I found out two of my friends had known for YEARS, and didn’t tell me. They thought they were doing the right thing, but instead let me go on trusting my ex-husband, being potentially exposed to life-threatening sexually transmitted diseases, and experiencing the eventual humiliation when I realized I had been betrayed over and over again.
My friends thought they were doign the right. I wonder how your friend woud feel when she comes to you and says she has herpes, or HIV and you never voiced your suspicions. I’m not saying you should bear the guilt. You’re not the one cheating on her. But she deserves to know she may be a high risk for diseases, and she has the right to make an informed decision about whether or not she wants to continue her marriage and work things out.
A girl I’ve worked with, and known for 15 years has been screwing around on her husband the whole time I’ve known her. It’s not speculation, she tells me about it, like she’s proud or something. It’s none of my bidness, AFAIC. Eventually, it’ll come around and bite her on the ass, so why would I want to get myself involved in the mess. I’ve got enough crap going on in my own life, no reason to stick my nose in someone elses.
It really depends on how close you are to the wife. If she is just an acquaintance and would probably believe her husband more than you, then I would say take pictures and mail it to her anonymously without letting them know that you know. Act surprised (about the cheating husband) if she cries on your shoulder.
If the wife is a dear friend, you care about her and if she would doubt your word, confront the husband. This has a greater chance of backfiring on you but you must do as your heart feels is right regardless of the consequences.
If the wife is a best friend and she trusts your word, tell her and help her thru her mess. Be supportive of her, her decisions and her wellbeing. Be true to your best friend.
Now, If I were in your shoes and the wife was anykind of a friend to me, I woul hire a private detective to take evidence that can stand up in court. I would Take copies of pictures to the husband and tell him I will spill the beans on him no matter what he does in 24 hours. He can plead and beg his wifes forgiveness all he wants but he is not talking me out of telling his wife that she’s married to scum.
Hijack
What if your friend was the husband who was cheating?
Now that is an interesting question! I have had several male friends that I knew for a fact were cheating. I was not close to the wife. However, I did not condone the behavior and I guilted them every chance I got.
I’ve read too many thrillers. The thought of confronting the husband scares me. What if he really, really doesn’t want his wife to know?
Gosh, I sure am paranoid, aren’t I?
Julie
Ann Landers used to answer this question at least once a year.
Mind your own business. Period.
I think Ann Landers changed her mind when AIDS and HIV came around. I am pretty sure she advocated telling there towards the end.
I didn’t remember that; good for her. I always admired her willingness to change her attitude with the times, such as on divorce.
What if the person her husband is cheating on with is you?
sylphishone said:
I should make myself more clear. I WOULD NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES tell my friend unless I was a personal eye witness to the actual sex act. However, the purpose of my question was to guage what most people would think would be appropriate if I were to physically catch him in the act.(Bolding mine) Just curious, but how, exactly, do you plan to be a “personal eye witness to the actual sex act”? And, how do you plan to “physically catch him in the act”? I would sure think it over very carefully before involving myself to that extent. I agree with everyone who has said you should mind your own business.
I would not tell under any circumstances. You have no business taking it upon yourself to confront the husband or to tell your friend. You are responsible for your life and the way you live it. There is too much that you don’t know – including whether or not he is exposing her to disease. Stay out of it!
She could lose her husband and her friend at the same time.
Just because someone “would want to know” is not a good enough reason for you to play around with someone else’s marriage.
Gee, in rereading this post, I sound almost angry. I’m not! Sorry!