Endrodamous grows weary of these students. You are all students, my children. You are learning from me, the great Endrodamous, as to the path your life will lead you on. The path that life will lead you, dear nacho, is to branch off and start your own company called IPEA. There you will sell slightly used furniture with small, preset stains. Rich people, with lemming like mentality, will all instantly buy a piece when they learn Michael Jackson was your first customer. So I have written, so it shall pass!
Your life hits a new level when you learn that questions have “?” after them, and answers have “.” after them. With nothing left to analyze, you retire to Bermuda. So I have written, so it shall pass!
Ah, capricorn, cousin to the unicorn, but it busts a cap in yo ass for smartin’ off. Of course, as Endrodamous knows you know, there are no smart people in Topeka. Never fear. You will go on a journey soon. Long and hard it shall be, but in the end, you will find those you seek: the butcher and the candle-stick maker. So I have written, so it shall pass!
The evidence before the stars is incontravertible. There’s no need for Endrodamous to retire. In all my years of foretelling I have never heard before, Of someone more deserving of the full penalty of the future. The way you made them suffer, Your exquisite wife and mother, Fills me with the urge to deficate! Since, my friend, you have revealed your deepest fear, I sentence you to be exposed before your peers. Tear down the wall! So I have written, so it shall pass!
I’d rather get naked and sit on pieces of salted glass and rusty nails with an exhaust pipe jammed up my ass than move to L.A. Unless of course, you meant Louisiana.
It is obvious to me, Endrodamous, but not to the foolish mortals who wallow in the daily misery of unenlightenment.
But it is not you who is the cancer…it is the entire city of Pittsburgh. You will soon come to realize this and, with the grateful help of the federal government, will construct a scalpel so large, it could slash the USX tower in two with a single swipe. Sawing away at the area surrounding the city, you will come full circle and plunge the area into the deep abyss so it may join hands with Atlantus in its watery grave. A hero? Nay. Just an ordinary woman doing her civic duty. Her destiny. **So I have written, so it shall pass! **
Soon you will visit America. The first person you meet you will say “g’day mate” to. But, alas, this person will think you said “I’m a playmate” and respond in kind with “oooohh…a saucy aussie.” He will then follow you around like Peppie l’peiu until, in a moment of temporary insanity, you skewer his still beating heart on your carving knife muttering “that’s not a knife, that’s a knife, that’s not a knife, that’s a knife.” **So I have written, so it shall pass! **
You will meet up Silver Fire when she mistakes the entire state of Louisiana for the city of LA. As a libra, the sign of a banana jell-o mold, you are a perfect match for her Pisces. Problem is, Pisces aren’t a perfect match for Libras. After Bobbitizing you, she leaves you for dead in the middle of the French Quarter, where people on the street think you’re a performing artist and throw pennies at you, cheering when it lands inside your now open crotch area. **So I have written, so it shall pass! **
So, I take it there will be a school rebellion involved where I can have my pudding without eating my meat? And then I’ll trash my hotel room and shave off all my hair and many strange cartoonish characters haunt me for the rest of my life? I s’pose I can live with that…
P.S. - The Wall is certainly one of my favorite movies…good call, dude!
Evil Overlord? Endrodamous laughs. At one very brief period in the near future you might be considered a somewhat ill tempered overseer, but not an Evil Overlord. See, you will fail to listen to your trusted second in command and a five year old girl and her gerbil, Squiggy, go on to defeat you just before your moment of triumph. Vanquished, you spend the rest of your life helping old ladies across the street and reading Horton Hears a Who to burn victims at the county hospital. **So I have written, so it shall pass! **
Ah, Arthur. You have come to the right place, my friend. Some may claim you can’t go home again. Some may even write books to that effect. I prefer to say that even a stopped clock is right twice a day. That doesn’t really have anything to do with anything, I just prefer to say it. Anyway, some scientific theory holds that the mass of the universe is so large, the gravitational pull will slow movement away from its origin and reverse its flow. So, if you can hold off for, oh, 25.6 billion years, give or take a few days, all will be set right again. Then the Big Crunch happens and we all start over. Hoorah! **So I have written, so it shall pass! **
You will invent the first fully functional artificial being. Your mistake, of course, will be making it a man. Rather than calculate the billion digit prime numbers, it wants to calculate how many yards Marino threw for last season. It also will have a Random Scratching Algorithm installed and tune its internal motors to sound like gaseous noises. “Ha. Ha. Ha.” it monotones “looks like I have an oil leak.” it will say after an extremely juicy one. **So I have written, so it shall pass! **
In what can only be called a bold move, you cut out your eyes, your ears and your tongue. With only your sense of vibration to guide you now, you embark on a most perilous journey: playing the silver ball. You move to Soho, and between that and Brighten, you will have played them all. Hundreds will cheer you on and clap your back as they mutter to themselves, “man, that deaf dumb and blind ex-Senior Programmer/Analyst sure plays a mean pinball.” And your supple wrist will sure impress the lovers.**So I have written, so it shall pass! **
In the very near future, you will meet Dr. Laura for lunch. She’ll yell and berate you for being a working mother rather than staying home with your kid. Grabbing a nearby waiter’s tray, you smack her upside the head to the cheers of the rest of the restaurant. Don’t worry about legal action. Carnahan’s recently passed “Anti-Schles Act” actually gives you a tax deduction for it.**So I have written, so it shall pass! **
Ha, you don’t like it, you’ll do what? Endrodamous controls the galaxy. You will do no such thing you puny mortal. I do more blowing before 7:00 AM than most people do all day. Wait…um…
So I see that in the future all your childhood dreams will come true. That’s right. You will become president of the fairy princess astronaut firemen society. Then you’ll piss the wrong people off with your mismanagement and end up like Jimmy Hoffa. Endrodamous knows where Jimmy’s located, but he’s not telling.**So I have written, so it shall pass! **
You will invent the first fully functional artificial being. Your mistake, of course, will be making it a man. Rather than calculate the billion digit prime numbers, it wants to calculate how many yards Marino threw for last season. It also will have a Random Scratching Algorithm installed and tune its internal motors to sound like gaseous noises. “Ha. Ha. Ha.” it monotones “looks like I have an oil leak.” it will say after an extremely juicy one. So I have written, so it shall pass!
Hey, a mechanical man might have some advantages… Thanks, Enderomous!
Endrodamous loathes the tactless, malodorous airs that exude from the egos of the Technical Writers. Their loquacious style and perfectionist tendencies supercede, at least in their tiny hypothalamus they consider gray matter, those foolish pedantic perfunctory trilobites of a fellow co-worker. They flaunt their fluid mastery of the Shakespearean dialect as if that were the Ivory Tower when the certain veracity is that it’s actually the Tower of Babel. You, sir, are not so much a cunning linguist as you perceive yourself to be. ** So I have written, so it shall pass!**
It’s really of no surprise that someone who can’t even spell her name correctly lives in a town that can’t either. I’d suggest going to a technical writer for help, but something tells me Purd Werfect ain’t gonna do you much good. Now, Leo, the sign of the earthworm after it’s been ground up and made into a McDonald’s hamburger, is the perfect sign for you. I’d tell you why, but you’re the psychologist. My prediction? You’ll find a well Jung man who makes you salivate when its time to eat. Remember, sometimes an Ender is just an Ender. ** So I have written, so it shall pass!**
I see elephants. Lots and lots of elephants. You’ll use them to cross the I-90 and go up I-81 (where most of the drivers will ignore you because it’s New York and they’ve seen weirder). Crossing Lake Ontario, you’ll take invade Canada and convert those Maple Syrup drinking bastards to the American way. Be sure to bring your passport. People from far and wide will hear you cry “Today Ogdensburg, tomorrow the world!” ** So I have written, so it shall pass!**
