Your Instant Deal-Breakers For Dating

In My Humble Opinion
21

For me it would be not having their own place, car, job, right off the bat. I’m not a kid so guys my age should have these things. They should also be single and not married or in the process of a divorce.

I also would not date a drinker or a drugger or a drug dealer.
Or someone that is on probation.
Or a guy that doesn’t pay child support.

If they say they hate their ex that is a big red flag. Someone mentioned having anger issues and mental instability.

If his family did not like me. If he didn’t like my faith. I once had a guy tell me he hated Catholics not knowing I was one. That was the end of that date.

If he says he is a commitment phobe then I believe them and don’t bother.

The biggest deal breaker for me is if they bad talk people, their ex , parents, siblings, boss, I know this guy isn’t for me. That to me says ‘loser’ faster than anything else.

22

I agree with a few mentioned above, notably not living alone (exception made for kids, of course), having kids you aren’t supporting/in touch with, and any hint of general bad attitude, with extra points deducted for misogyny.

I’ll add bad kissing. I’m surprised no one’s brought it up. If I kiss you and it’s not working, we’re done. I’m nearly 40, I’m not teaching any 101 courses.

But the dealbreaker that comes up most often is just purely not smart enough. I don’t need a genius, but I need you to keep up.

23
  1. Rude to the waitress.
  2. Cigarettes. Grody.

ETA - oh, yeah - not smart enough. That too. I hope I don’t ever have to get back in the dating pool, because I can’t handle dumb people.

24

I really need to give up smoking, like now.

25

If you find a way to tell me the price of something expensive you own?

Yeah, I’m not wanting to be with you.

26

The one, sure deal breaker is excessive ego. It’s nice to go out on a date, but if I get even a whiff that I should be grateful you said yes, there’ll never be a second date. We’ll be splitting the check on this one, too.

27

I would have no real desire to be with a person who felt the need to “rescue” me, personally.

And someone telling stories about being victimized raise a red flag with me as well, not just with dating, but in general. Then again, I work for a law firm and am used to such stories, so I am generally able to figure out if it’s just one story where they are truly a victim, or if this is just a habit and they play ‘victim’ as a personality type. I have no sympathy for the latter.

28

1: Loaded up with cats or dogs. One or two fine, but three + and it’s probably not going to work

2: Dated men or stayed with relationships for some long term period where their SO’s did drugs, went to jail, cheated on them etc. - They like bad boys and the drama and I’m not likely to be “bad” enough for them.

3: Low self esteem - sad sacks who constantly and reflexively deprecate themselves = bottomless pits of emotional neediness - been there and no thanks

4: Women who intimate they are used to lots of travel and grand adventures. Good for them, but I don’t have the means to take off for weeks or months at a time.

5: Smoking - Just no. I was raised by heavy smokers and that was enough for a lifetime

6: Grown kids with drug problems or mental issues - These will come home to roost as sure as God made little green apples.

29

Smoking, drug use, more than a “social drinker”.

Chronically unemployed. Someone who doesn’t have a job is more of an “orange” light; lots of people have been laid off these days, grad students may not technically be employed, etc, it’s just something I’ll notice (I am not anybody’s sugar daddy). Someone who has been unemployed for a while, isn’t trying to get a job and has no clue about same is a big screaming red warning light to me.

Can’t handle her personal finances. Related, someone who thinks that I will pay for everything all the time.

Isn’t really available - never had the experience of dating someone who is separated or still married and don’t want to.

Bigotry. Rudeness without a good reason. No sense of humor. Doesn’t like kids or animals. Poor personal hygiene. Doesn’t like the outdoors. Physically unattractive (which does NOT mean “Anything other than supermodel in bikini”) - I’m not perfect and certainly don’t expect it of the women I date but if there’s no physical chemistry then it’s not likely to be more than friends (which is also fine). Inactive/unhealthy - I try and stay healthy and get plenty of exercise and I find that very attractive in women. This doesn’t mean she’s got to be a professional athlete or anything like that but someone who stays active is important.

Dumb. Doesn’t read.

30

I wonder if you’ve noticed that there have been quite a few responses to this thread that include “lives by himself.” It’s not really that high of a standard. Again, it’s not just a money thing, it’s also a maturity thing. Living by yourself does create a certain level of maturity you can’t get living with roommates or family. It makes you a grown up. Also, if I’m spending the night at your place, I don’t want to have to worry about running into one of your roomates wearing nothing but your shirt.

Other things I thought of:

No car or license. Dude, you need to drive. I don’t care what you drive, but you need to drive something.

Heavy drinkers. I’m a light social drinker and have dated a borderline alcoholic. Not something I care to repeat.

Gamers. I have been a “everquest widow” before. If you’re going to spend 3 to 4hours a day in front of a computer screen, I’m not interested.

Speaking about their ex in terms of “I feel sorry for her” or “she’s had a rough road.” In my experience, when a guy has “saved” a girl from a bad situation or has been in a position where the girl has been utterly dependent on him for a fair amount of time, it’s hard for him to resist being the hero again. Meaning, said “damsel in distress” inevitably reappears at some point and the guy just can’t resist saving her again, usually ending up back in her bed.

Plus, I’m a self-sufficient woman, I have never needed “saving” from anyone so if you’re looking to be a hero, it aint gonna be with me. If you need to feel like a hero in your relationship, best look for someone who has their shit a little less together.

31

It’s been a long time for me since I was single,but I remember I had laundry list of deal breakers, Among them were:
-Any guy who started every sentence with “My mother says”
-Any guy who was employed and yet he was still living with his parents. In their basement. Yes,this actually happened to me.
-Bigots and racists
-Children…I don’t dislike them but I choose to avoid their company
-Any guy who did not like football and NASCAR…only because these are my 2 favorite sporting events and on sundays,well,I either have a race or a game to watch. You would be surprised how many guys I met who couldn’t give a toss about sports
-Guys who tell me that I am intimidating because I have a college degree. Yes,this happened as well.
-Clingy and needy guys
-Married or otherwise involved was always a deal breaker
-Guys with mullets
-Guys who think fart jokes are the height of hilarity

In some kind of twisted,karmic justice,I am now married to a guy who thinks fart jokes are the height of hilarity. On the plus side,he likes football and NASCAR.

32

I’m married, but I’ll play…

When I’m thinking about someone’s viability as a dating partner, I pay careful attention to how they treat other people. Of course he’s going to be all sweetness and light to me, but how does he treat the random person in line next to him at the bank? This stuff matters, because ultimately the fawning over me will wear off and I want to know I’m going to have a decent guy no matter what.

So in that light, rudeness to service staff is an instant deal-breaker.

Having an extensive history of unemployment and job jumping – I know people deal with unemployment from time to time, and that’s fine, but if you’ve quit your last five jobs or were fired for telling off the boss, no thanks.

Being overly romantic and chivalrous, especially before we’ve even gotten to know one another, is a major turn off. I don’t mind someone pulling out my chair or offering to pay for dinner, but if you’re spouting love poetry and bringing me roses and shit, I’m going to question whether you’ve actually been in a real relationship before.

On the opposite spectrum, having no sense of decorum whatsoever. Dress nicely, be clean, have manners, and keep the farting and burping to a minimum, thanks.

Agreeing with everything I say. There is no way we have that much in common. Show me you’re capable of thinking on your own.

Pressuring me for sex. Unless you never want to see me again, don’t do this. And no, I don’t owe you an explanation. And if I DO provide you with one, don’t take it as an invitation to change my mind, and absolutely DO NOT, under any circumstances, grab my hand without any warning whatsoever and put it on your penis. Yes, this actually happened.

33

Another vote for rudeness to service staff.

Also, wearing noticeable jewelry. Flashy rings and/or necklaces. No.

Having a pimped out car with music blasting from the speakers. I was waiting at the bus stop one day, back in Chicago, when a guy in such a car stopped in front of me, got out, chatted me up, and gave me his number. He seemed nice enough, charming, super polite, not pushy at all, but his car had flashing blue lights (not on the roof, shut up) and the car was practically throbbing with the volume of the music he was playing. Instant turn off for me.

34

Feeling the need to talk about their kids constantly.

Talking about jewelry way too often.

Wearing sweat pants on a second date. What the hell?

4th date and not even second base? Nah, I ain’t getting any younger.

Political leanings to the left of Marx.
Some of these take longer than one date to find out of course.

35

What if I told you it was a $1000 satin corset made just for me? Would that be a problem :D:D:)? (Of corse it would help if you were a straight guy but…)

I’m going with not being able to get along with your parents (unless they’re like my ex-so’s they damaged him). or his ex ex, unless they were really abusive as well, or his kids period. Bad signs…

and on a lighter noet, if he doesn’t read. Or has no cultural tastes. Or horrible taste in music. Let’s say limited. Ick.

36

Instant deal-breakers (as in won’t even look at the ad online) should I ever be looking again:

  • smokes
  • drinks regularly
  • any drug use
  • any children
  • mental problems
  • unemployed
  • still lives at home (I’m in my 40’s - if I were to run into a guy in his 40’s who still lives at home, it would be so weird)
  • complicated ex situation - at 43, I wouldn’t expect potentials to never have been married, but I don’t need any extra drama from exes that just won’t go away, still own businesses together, etc.
  • trashtalking anyone when we’re just getting to know each other; life’s too short to spend your life with overly negative people

Guys, you might want to note that short or bald are NOT deal-breakers for most of the women posting here. If you’re Mr. Perfect and you have no hair, I couldn’t physically care less. As long as you’re not rockin’ the combover.

37

This one is rather subjective. I had one woman tell me I was lousy at it, the next one said I was very good at it. (Although to be fair, she did lie about some other stuff, so a grain of salt is probably in order. :p)

So tall with lots of hair is out? Man, my timing always sucks. :smiley:

While I don’t smoke and never have, the last 2 women I was in a relationship with did, and the one I would be pursuing right now but for a large ocean in the way does. It is annoying, but I grew up around smokers and will deal with it for the right person. (Yes, yes, I know, the last 2 weren’t the right person. But I didn’t know that until I tried.)

So far the only deal breaker I have had is her saying no when I asked her out. I am sure there are other things that would stop me in my tracks, but so far I have not ran into any while out on a date or in a relationship.

38

Blows a thousand bucks on lingerie.

:wink:

39

A few years ago I would have said “believes in psychics,” but then I went and married one—go figure. (I mean that I married someone who believes in psychics, not that I married a psychic. I would definitely draw a line there.)

40

Smokers- smells bad and tastes bad, no thanks.

Tramp stamps- I’m not interested in skanks. Tattoos, in general, are bad, but tramp stamps are the worst.

Women that seem to hate men in general. I refuse to be punished for what some other man did to them in their past.