Thanks to everyone for your replies. It’s good to know other folks have encountered this before (from both perspectives, kid & parent).
To answer some of the ideas expressed; We will keep shuttling this youngster around, and including him wherever we can… we know he hangs around here because it’s more comfortable for him, and he’s probably more worried about the situation than we are. Miz pullin has pretty good intel (thru the school parent grapevine) on the family, and visited once to confirm what we’d heard. Her impression was that of a hostile, unpleasant household (it was made pretty clear she was unwelcome), but nothing physical. Just seemed that the kids were no more than neglected pets.
I’ve already made plans to include him in some of the coming summer’s activities*, and we can probably ease the situation when our youngest starts driving (just a month away). They are in many of the same school activities, so it won’t be too far out of our way.
Financially, it’s not much of a burden for us provide meals, tickets, and a place for him in our travels, so we’ll manage that OK. It still chaps me that his folks are basically sitting on their asses while we keep opening our wallets (and our schedules) so this fellow can be included instead of sitting alone in his room, but we can manage. Frankly, it seems that no one has taught this kid how to do anything. So I’m going to try and include him in some planned automotive maintenance this weekend. Not to sound sexist, but a couple of guys spending a few hours over an engine, passing tools to each other, makes for a really good time to talk about things. And to be frank, I think he needs to spend some time with an adult male. (I hope that sounds the way I intended). Also if we get it fixed, it could count as a success for him (you know, high fiving when it finally runs, that sort of guy thing).
Anyway, we’ll make the best of this. We’ve got room and time for him. I think maybe yesterday I just wanted to vent, and I came here 'cause I didn’t have anyone else to gripe to. I might just work up a really snarky pit rant about his folks
*I already made sure we’ve got spare lifejackets and stuff so he can go with us on the boat.
Pullin, while it’s been a few years since we’ve ‘taken in a stray’, so to speak, we end up doing things with and for quite a few of the kids around here. A lot of mudgirl’s friends are from homes where either the parents are not involved, or the parents are broke, or a combination of the two. So, while we end up taking a lot of kids to lunch, to a movie, on a trip, etc., the favor isn’t often returned in any direct way. But all I can do is hope that as these children grow up, when they are in a position to do so, they will ‘pay it forward’. Now, I know the idea of paying it forward seems like a woo-woo, feel-good kind of thing, but it’s something I believe in.
Frankly, because mudgirl’s only 11, it hasn’t come to a point yet where she’s had a friend come to stay for any length of time, but as she becomes a teen, it wouldn’t surprise me if that happened at some point. And yeah, anyone who’s here at meal time or whatever usually gets invited to eat with us, go along with us, etc.
You’re doing a good and important thing for these kids. Believing that is your reward!
Perhaps not repaid directly, but as someone who was rescued a time or two, please know that your own kids and their friends will remember this and act accordingly in adulthood. Will “pay it forward”, so to speak.
It’s an immense kindness to let someone know that, despite what is being demonstrated by the people who are supposed to care for them, they have a place where they can belong, if even temporarily.
Echoing what many others here have said. (Also wanted to acknowledge perfectparanoia’s post; a valid consideration. Looks like you’ve already addressed this and made sure this isn’t the case).
As others have said, you’re doing a great thing. You really, really are. With every post where you add more detail I"m thrilled. The automotive work, your choice of words " We’ve got room and time for him" – you are making a huge difference in this kid’s life. Please keep doing it.
This:
is undoubtedly true and the “taught” part can take the form of modelling or outright showing him how to do things. It’s surprising but some kids literally do not receive these fundamentals.
My SO and I had a similar kid living in our house for two months. Every day we taught him things that I am quite sure no one had ever taught him before, from pumping gas, to selecting a gift for a friend, to comparison shopping at the grocery store, to basics of saving money and why. I know it all made a difference.
As far as the resentful part, you can’t worry about the loser parents and them getting away with not doing anything. You have to look at yourself as the blessed one, the one with the functioning, intact family; the one whose kids you know are taken care of; the one with something to offer a wayward kid. YOU are the lucky one. Enjoy it.
