Yesterday I wore my glasses instead of my contact lenses. I have no dorky clip-on sunglasses to wear with my glasses, so the morning was an adventure of squinting. When I went back to my building, I took off my glasses and tucked them into my collar. Wait a minute! I can’t see!
:smack:
I have to tell a couple on my students.
I’m talking about the NATO system of using words to spell things.
“It’s Alpha, Bravo, Charlie… and X is X-ray.”
Distracted student, looking up sharply: “What is this, Latin?”
Different student: “I’m not artistic! I can’t draw a circle even with a ruler!”
Once in a spelling bee (@ 5th grade?) I got the word circle. Of course I knew how to spell circle. I spelled it S-I-R-C-L-E. Then I couldn’t understand for a few minutes why I got it wrong.
Re: sunglasses…in the summer I would wear them with a rainbow colored strap thing so I could take them one and off going in and out of stores. I don’t use the strap in the winter, I guess because I don’t wear the sunglasses that much then. So I had them on in the winter, walked into a store, reached up to take off my sunglasses and threw them on the floor, forgetting they weren’t hooked to the strap.
I once walked out of school thinking it was the end of the day when it was only 4th period. The teacher’s started questioning me and thought there must have been somethine wrong with me.
Me going out to water the plants: “dammit, now I am going to get wet with all this rain!” :smack:
Just because I’ve posted here more than twice doesn’t mean I am an idiot. Right?
My husband and his friend went to a San Antonio, which was about 150 miles from where we lived at the time. At about8:00 at night, I receive a phone call from him, telling me that he’d locked the keys in the car, still in the ignition, with the car running. He’d gotten a cop to stop, but they said they couldn’t open the car for him because they’d popped automatic locks before and the car caught on fire and they were sued. Whatever. That was his brain fart moment.
Mine came when he asked me if I’d drive up with the extra set of keys and open the car so he wouldn’t have to pay weekend/late night rates on a locksmith. I drove up, and as I walked up to the still-running car, I pulled out my keys and pushed the unlock button on my keyring. Nothing happened. I pushed it again, nothing happened. I exclaimed to the friend “Oh shit! You can’t unlock the car when it’s running! I drove up here for nothing.”
He looked at me and said “Uh, why don’t you unlock it with the key?”
Duh.
We all gotta chime in right? I mean if you read someone else’s fart, you have to post one as well right?
Ok, about a year ago, i was working at a pizza resturant, making the pizzas, and putting them in the conveyor belt style pizza oven (Both sides of the oven are open). The person at the “exit” of the oven was bored, and didn’t have anything to do. He then threw a empty (cooled off pan) through the oven and it landed on a pizza I was making for a customer. Like an Idiot, I imedately picked the pan up off of the now ruined pizza. :mad: :smack: :eek: In no particular order; The pan was hot!!
Hot pans and fingers dont like each other. :eek:
BTW: that employee was one of our first fires.
Also, I do a stint of computer programing (LOGO mostly). I wrote a routine called “doggie” (I needed a “dummy” name for the time being). I go to recall the routine, by typing in the word “” doggie “” the process completes perfectly, and I run it a few more times. My fifth or sixth time, Im staring at my screen, and thinking "Thats not how you spell “doggie”!! ((it was correctly spelled)). I look at it for a minute, and I while it read “doggie” I thought it was “doogie” for the longest time!!
Okay. Yesterday.
I went out for a walk, taking my iPod along so I could sing to myself and look even more ridiculous as I went. (That’s what they’re for, right?) The earphones have these little black foam covers, which I use because … well, because they’re there, really; they don’t seem to improve the sound. But anyway. I pop the 'phones in, start the music and head out.
Forty minutes later I get back home, pop the earphones out again – and notice that one of the foam caps is missing. Now, I know that I never removed the earphones while I was outside; so the only possibility is that the thing came off as I pulled the earphones out of my ear. So I check inside my ear. No foam whatsis. I search all around myself on the floor. Still no sign of it. I check inside my ear again. I strip naked in case the thing got caught inside my clothes, um, somehow. Lift up all the furniture. Oh, and check in my ear, too – just in case; you never know. No sign of the little bugger.
So, irritated, I head upstairs to shower and change. And I find the foam tip on the stairs, right where I dropped it back when I was heading out. All the time I’d been out, I’d never noticed that it wasn’t there in the first place.
The brian farts have been coming fast and furious this week.
I cut a piece of chicken and took a bite, and bit into something rather hard. “What is that, a rock?” I look at the little piece and see that it is part of a tooth. “What, did my SO have some of this chicken already, because he said he had chipped a tooth a few weeks back…or maybe someone at the store bit into it and lost part of a tooth…did they forget to take the teeth out at the chicken processing plant…Hmmm” That is when I realized that I was the one who had chipped a tooth, and subsequently, that chicken do not have teeth, especially in the breast portion.
:smack: :smack: :smack:
I was in a discussion last night with a young friend about the damage done by the whole ‘recovered memory’ phenomenon of the 80’s and 90’s. And one point I wanted to make was to emphasize the damage done even where criminal cases weren’t brought, just because of the effect of memories of parental abuse on family relationships.
Unfortunately, I found a new way to make a typo. Were you aware that “prenatal” is an anagram of “parental”? And worse, when I did a spot check before sending my comment, since prenatal is a word, it didn’t trigger any alarms. And I kept repeating it.
The poor woman I was talking/chatting with was laughing hysterically as I went on about the damage of recovered memories of prenatal sexual abuse. :eek:
I knew what the word “chaos” meant when I saw it in a book. And I knew what “kaos” was when people were talking about the chaos of their houses, etc. But I never connected the two.
I remember not long after I started university I had to write a cheque (check) to pay for some tickets or something at the students’ union.
Open up the chequebook, fill in the date, fine, then under “Pay” I just wrote “Fifteen pounds only” and then signed in the little box where the figures go.
Hang on, I thought, that’s not right. Ripped out the cheque and started another:
Date: 15/10/94… fine
Pay: Sheffield University Fifteen pounds… all on one line. D’oh, that’s not right either. How do I write a cheque??
At this point the woman behind the counter looked at me like I was about eight years old and asks, slowly: “Have… you… ever… written… a… ‘cheque’… before?”
Yeah, only like several hundred times. :wally
I did something similar. Years ago, I had a body spray and a hairspray from Bath and Body Works, both in a Freesia scent. One morning I was spraying what I thought was body spray all over my body…right after I towelled off after my shower.
I was sticky all day.
Yeah, I can relate to the check thing. It’s frustrating to fill out most of the spaces, then sign the area where the written amount is supposed to go.
Yesterday morning I did a new one to my self. Poured a bowl of cereal, opened the refrigerator, saw the milk, grabbed the water container and proceeded to pour water onto my cereal. As it happened I thought “That’s a strange color for milk. 
Why did I do that? :smack: I really need to post this one. :o ”
I’ve written out many checks to myself by accident.
But I just had one, and it was pretty :smack: inspiring.
I was headed downstairs, and wondering what time it was. The hallway has all these pictures of the many looks the building has gone through over time, and most of them include a picture of the clock out front.
Yep. I actually looked for a picture with a clock, so that I could see what time it was. I swear, I couldn’t make that up (and wouldn’t even if I could).
By the way, it’s 12:30 in 1942.
That cracked me up 
And, of course, it’s 10:04 in 1955 
—Eating Pringles and playing gin rummy (?). Drew card from deck, put it in mouth. Had chip in hand before realized the thing in my mouth wasn’t salty.
—Mr. Rilch wanted to show me the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Opening credits roll, movie begins. Me: “Where does this take place?” :o
—Drove to grocery store. Almost there when suddenly convinced I’d left my house keys at home. Almost at house before realized, if I was driving my car, I had my keys.
—This is a little different. Don’t you hate it when you’ve blanked on something, and the other person won’t STFU and let you think of it?
Me: That guy is awesome. You know he’s in that movie that’s just out…uh…Dammit, I can’t think of the name! Ice-T plays a cop…? It has three words in the title…
“Sharon”: Do the Right Thing?
Me: That’s not three words.
S: Boyz in the Hood?
Me: That’s not three words.
S: She’s Gotta Have It?
Me: That’s not three words, and it’s not new.
S: House Party?
Me: :smack: Forget it.
(FTR, the movie was New Jack City. Three words, dammit!)
The simple word whose spelling occasionally flummoxes me is “done.” The only thing that makes this noteworthy is that, after writing or typing it correctly, I’ll stare at it for a good two minutes thinking, “Wait a minute, that can’t be right.”
Bonus speculative brain fart:
On the toilet after finishing my business, I find that toilet paper is often too dry to do an adequate job. Hence, I’ll sometimes lick the wad of toilet paper wiping. It’s pretty simple – lick, wipe, discard; lick, wipe, discard. Etc.
However, I know it’s only a matter of time until I accidentally get the order wrong: wipe, lick, vomit; vomit, vomit, vomit.
Ah, I’ve got a fresh one. I’m sitting in math class the other day, and the room has two potential ‘modes’: Warm and impossibly stuffy, or cold (windows opened) and fresh. It’s a constant debate in our class: Cold, or stuffy?
Anyway, it’s 9 AM, about 40 degrees out. ONe of the guys in my class wants to close the windows; he’s very cold. We bicker back and forth (this is before class actually starts) about whether to leave the windows open or closed.
Him: closes windows
Me: Aw, man, can we at least leave one open? It gets so stuffy in here.
Him: It’s too cold!
Me: So take off your jacket!
He looks at me. Others look at me.
Me: Wait…something’s not right.
Random classmate: Pst - ‘never mind’.
In my defense - 9 AM! I was hardly caffinated.
