You know, they sell those flushable “tissue” dealies that are, uh, pre-licked for you. Were it me, that’s one investment I would not mind making, just to avoid something dreadful. YMMV 
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Was doing bills one day. Cable TV bill was $91 (with internet access)… Proceeded to write the check for $911. I didn’t realize it until I got the next statement and thought they made a mistake!
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Got ready for work, ate breakfast, and went downstairs to the garage to leave. Turned the car on, started to back up and…BANG. Forgot to open the damn garage door. Major brain fart and a big dent in the door.
Not me, but an old boss who deserved the crap that followed after:
She accidentally paid her phone bill by writing the balance of her account in the amount space. Hahahahahahaha! It was a couple of thousand dollars.
Well, this is a life long brain fart. For some reason my mind always gets 2 and 9 mixed up. I write a lot of checks, etc for the wrong amount . My, already poor, mathematics suffer as well.
I changed my residency, got a new driver’s license, and had to fill out some form (most likely for insurance, I guess) with my driver’s license number. I got out my DL and looked for the number. I could not find it. I read and reread the thing. Name, Address, Date of Birth, Sex, Height, Weight, Hair Color, Eye Color, Expiration Date. I read them over and over. No driver’s license number.
There was only one thing that looked like some kind of identification number, at the bottom of the license but it didn’t seem like it had enough digits, and it was in really small type. So I reread the license again, even more carefully. Name, Address, Date of Birth, Sex, Height, Weight, Hair Color, Eye Color, Expiration Date. Just identifying information! No license number! Well, what the hell, that thing at the bottom must be it! I wrote it in the blank on the form.
Surprise, about a week later they bounced the form back, complaining about an incorrect DL number.
Okay, I was pretty sure it was wrong in the first place. But was I going to have to call someone at the DMV to figure this out? How embarassing! I decided to give it one more try. I took my license out again.
And immediately noticed, right by the picture, in HUGE print, the DL number. Der!
I once made a copy of something because I was about to fax it but I still needed it.
This has turned out to be one heck of a thread! Apparently we all have very flatulent brains.
I don’t know why, but every time I read luluBahrain I read it was LooLooBrain and picture someone going all cuckoo and twirling their finger around their ear going “lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu…”
:rolleyes: :smack:
I got a replacement credit card a couple months ago - my old one was about to expire. So, I take the new one, and go to sign the back. Hmmm…the signature isn’t staying. Try harder. Hmmm…change pens. Still rubbing off. Darn stupid credit card companies - can’t they get the signature space right?
That’s right - I was signing on the magnetic strip. Didn’t do too much damage - could still use it. Best part was - you could see the imprint of when I was pushing down hard to try to make the writing stay.
Susan
Okay, Eats-Crayons . And you say I’m the one going crazy? 
I am laughing so hard! (Especially at Pirate/Dentist.) Thank you all!
Once I was following a recipe’s directions to pound a chicken breast or something with the back of a chef’s knife. I wasn’t making much progress, so I decided I needed more force. Thank Og I caught myself with my fist upraised, ready to slam it down onto the upward facing sharp edge. I really needed a Wile E. Coyote “What in heaven’s name am I doing?” sign for that.
On one of our trips from NC to MA, I zoned out on the D.C. beltline and drove all the way around the city.
And I scoff at all the keys-in-the-car stories so far. Mine is the worst. It’s a sunny August day in NC, the car is in the driveway. I need to go pick up my husband at work, since his car is in the shop. I lock the house, then I get into the back seat of the car to put the baby in her carseat, dropping my purse on the floor so I can maneuver. I bump my purse with my foot and on some dim level of my brain, I register the sound of my remote locking the car doors. Then I proceed to get out, *sans * purse, and shut the door.
Keys, cell phone, and baby are all in the car, in the sun. Luckily my neighbor had just gotten home, but of course calling my husband would do no good since I was his ride. Luckily, replacing the driver’s side window didn’t cost too much, and the baby was fine.
Once in History class, I forgot the word “map” so went with “picture of… uh… stuff.”
I’ll frequently type completely different words than the ones I intend to type. Not typos, mind you, or replacing the work “where” with “there” or swapping homonyms. Something more along the lines of replacing “someone” with “gasoline”. I’ve often thought about installing a keylogger and parsing the file to detect when I make these mistakes and spit them into a seperate file to see if my subconcious is trying to tell me anything.
I’ll also frequently ask “AM or PM?” when someone gives me a time. I’m in the military. “Be there at 1800.” “AM or PM?”
I think the best ever was taking a nap one Friday afternoon. I woke up and decided the quality of the light looked like dawn. So I got up, took a shower, put on clothes, ate some breakfast, talked to my mom, and began driving to school. I mentally noted how light the traffic was that morning. I wondered if I should have brought an umbrella, because those must be some serious rainclouds to make it so dark at this hour. It finally took the completely empty parking lot at school to clue me in that I’d only slept a few hours and it was Friday night. I got home and told my mom about it… at which she pointed out that even if I had slept through the night, it would have been Saturday morning.
The D and K keys are on opposite sides of the keyboard. If “work” were not a real word, though, I doubt I would have mistyped it.
Yesterday. Had a test to study for. No big whoop. I set myself up so that I can get a full night’s sleep and be awake around 8-10 hours before the test starts (I don’t ‘function’ for a few hours after waking). I look at a wall clock and start counting. Sleep 7 hours until 2pm, test is at 11am the next day, I can go to sleep at 2pm after that, at least, since that’ll be twelve hours…
So off I go on my magical journey of horribly broken mathematics. It wasn’t until AFTER the test I complained of being so tired for being awake barely twelve hours, and telling my mother about how I set up my sleep cycle, and she has to gently point out that 2pm -> 2pm = 24 hours. I really HAD gotten a full night’s rest before I made that decision! A little later I shared the wisdom with Max Carnage that 5 + 5 = 6.
I still haven’t gone to sleep. Guess I ought. Gah.
OK, I’ve got a couple.
The first one I’ve got an excuse for, because I was sick at the time. I was in college, and it was the first time I’d ever been sick away from home. I thought I might have a fever, but I couldn’t find a thermometer, so I went down to the drug store to buy one. The person at the store asked if I wanted to get one of their special membership cards – normally, I’d never bother with this kind of thing, but I was feeling rather confused so I said “OK, whatever.” They gave me a form to fill out, and I proceeded to write down my address on the line where my phone number was supposed to go, and vice versa. Three consecutive times. I just kept crossing it out and writing the same thing over again. When I finally was able to buy the thermometer, I found out I had a temperature of 102.5 degrees (Fehrenheit). My first thought: Thank God, I thought I was losing my marbles.
Another one – no illness excuse this time. I was playing Risk with some friends. I assume most of you know it – it’s a board game where you march a bunch of armies around and try to take over the world. You also have some hidden armies – you write down what country they’re in at the start of the game, and at any later time you can surprise your oponents by revealing your hidden armies. When you wipe out one of the other players, they show you where their hidden armies are and you then control these armies. This is exactly what happened to me – I defeated one of the other players, and he handed me the piece of paper that told where his armies were. Switzerland. I remember thinking “What the hell good is Switzerland?” (since it was no where near the site of the major combat at the time.) But instead, I blurted out “Where the hell is Switzerland?”. Which was doubly stupid, because (1) I know where Switzerland is, and (2) I wasn’t supposed to tell everyone where the hidden armies were.
Regarding missing glasses: Lately, the first thing I do when I go to look for my glasses is smack myself in the face. Because you never know.
I also had a major early morning brain fart. I woke up, opened my eyes and tried to get the grey matter functioning before getting out of bed. For some reason, I put my right hand under my pillow, and discovered, to my horror… a multi-legged THING! I’m absolutely terrified of any kind of creepy crawly, so I grabbed it and PULLED it out from under the pillow… and damned near dislocated my left shoulder. The THING I was holding was my left hand, which had gone numb because I had slept with it under my pillow all night!
lol! I’ve done something similar 
I put my hand up behind my head when I’m asleep, if I’m laying on my back. This frequently makes it go numb. About once every six months or so, I have one of those abrupt-wakening revelations as I feel something in my hair and AARRGH!!! IT’S A SPIDER!!! IT’S A SPIDER!!! GAH!!
… oops, no it’s not; it’s my hand…
The most terrifying brain-fart I’ve ever had was the day I forgot how to read. I was in class and we have to read from a text. It was my turn to read, I opened the book and just stared at these blobs on the page in front of me. My friend said I turned white as a sheet and was just staring like a deer in the headlights, until the teacher knocked on the desk in front of me :smack:
And the best one came out when watching a friend play resident evil 3. He was running away from some zombies when the camera angle changed and the character he was controlling ended up running around in a circle. My response was “It’s nice to see that under pressure you’ll still maintignity…” Or maintain dignity, as most people would know it.
Jeremy and Jason. Jeremy and Jason. I can’t keep those two names straight. My Maid of Honnor’s boyfriend’s name is one of those. I don’t know which one. I’ve known him for months now. When I talk about him it’s “Jamie’s main man.” Bird Man will not stop making fun of me. Even if someone just said his name, I will sit there trying to remember it:
It’s Jeremy. Jamie just said Jeremy. I remember, Jeremy not Jason. Jeremy not Jason. Jeremy not Jason. Wait–or was it Jason? Jason or Jeremy? It was Jeremy. Or Jason? Jason? Jeremy? Help.
One night MrsDemonSpawn asked what we would have for dinner the next day. I wanted to say “chicken”, but for some reason I said “noodles”. I laughed and said “That’s not what I meant, I meant to say noodles”. That made us both crack up … it took about 4 tries until I finally managed to say “chicken”. Ever since then we have been joking about aphasia and at random moments we will yell “NOODLES!!! CHICKEN!!!” at each other.
When I was little, I once went into a candy shop carrying an ice cream cone. I was in the process of selecting some candy and already hat a lollipop in my hand. The storekeeper saw me with my ice cream, started yelling and threw me out. After leaving the store I noticed the lollipop still in my hand. I had just stolen something! THE HORROR!!! I never entered that store again, for fear of being called a thief.
And the shower thing happens to me almost every other morning. The routine is 1. wash hair, 2. wash body, 3. wash private parts with special lotion, 4. if necessary, shave armpits and legs. Many times I will be distracted by a thought somewhere between 1 and 2, and for the life of me I won’t be able to remember if I’ve washed my hair already …