Swid:
If you come back, you’ve got a lot of work to do… your public is demanding your return!!
[sub]and, uh… I would, uh… like… ummm… do me too, pretty please?[/sub]
Ah-huh. You insult me and threaten me in my own thread. And as if that were not bad enough, you then FLIRT in my thread, and proceed to use a pontification that was not provided by myself in your sig, something I believe I clearly asked everyone not to do.
You are now demoted to the Patron Saint of Demontions.
To save time, I will only list the poser’s name and sainthood. You may add the Bless us, _____, Patron Saint of _____ as needed. And in order of appearance (deep breath…)
zenith: Televisions, specifically the television that Swiddles was watching cartoons on during a thunderstorm when she was 4, the antenna of which was hit by lightning, which caused the picture tube to burst, which made Swiddles cry, as she knew she had broken the TV forever.
fierra: chaos and confusion. Also patron saint of usernames that look like “fire,” but aren’t.
corvus: posters who don’t listen to thier better halves. Also patron saint of the anti-calculus
iampunha: smurfs. Also patron saint of topless posters. (you owe me for that one, my friend…)
tubagirl: wedding survival. And larged, horny instruments.
struuter: kind hearted words. And Fluffernutter sandwiches. And I adore fluffernutters, so that’s a big deal.
Tripler: Prodigal posters. (Did I spell that right? The spell checker thinks so, but I have my doubts. See? I DO spell check occationally!)
Duhman: Popsicle sticks and fluffy pillows.
Freyr: Ice cream sandwiches and usernames that make me think of Friar Tuck.
Vix: Spastic movements in general.
Wonko the Sane: Guster. And you, my friend, know how high an honor THAT is in the Swiddle book. Also patron saint of tie died shirts, Hitchhiker’s Guide and confusing interwoven webs of friends.
Gunslinger: clever cries for attention. Also patron saint of spaghetti westerns and Cherry Italian Ices. (that last one’s there just because I find them yummy)
Rasa: Bright yellow highlighters and ginger ale.
AerynSun: Usernames that make Swiddles think of “Arian” and therefore scare her a bit. Also patron saint of posters who aren’t that scarey, afterall.
flup: At LAST! Someone with REAL creds. Patron saint of freakishly flexible maxilofacial muscles, and amazing feats of backwards historical recitation.
dpr: Vegemite, and other strange Australian cracker spreads. Also patron saint of mysterious initials.
andygirl: lesbians almost every male doper has a crush on. Also patron saint of Bubble Yum.
Doobious: Mary Jane. You have a HUGE following in my state, my friend.
vanilla: Popular Ice Cream flavors.
don Jaime: Counter-culture political groups oppressed in or by water towers. Or some such.
Odieman: Touching, but not the “good” kind. 
ArkonDLoC: Dark Lords in general. How does THAT help your standing? Just wait till the prayers start rollin’ in, my friend.
DigitalMuse: Fat Bob and the Boys.
sdimbert: posters who bumped this godammed thread. Also patron saint of body piercings. (just because no one’s gotten that one so far, methinks. You can trade it with someone else if you want, I think there’s some here that would kill for that one…)
Now then, I am done. Anyone who asks for a canonization must either give me something to work with (see flup’s request), have met me in person (see Wonk’s canonization) or offer me some bribes. And I’m not talking metephyisical good thoughts here, I want marketable goods. And where the bloody hell is phouka to realise that I’m still suffering? I hope you’re enjoying this, phouka! 
Silent-Bob: the beauty of silence. And posters who make Swiddles chuckle often.
I’m in. Canonization, and in return I offer a custom made, one-of-a-kind mix tape.
You think the Medici family got started like this?
Wow, i’m the patron saint of a substance I dont smoke :). It must be my user name ;). But if i have a huge following, who am I top dispute it?
Thank you swiddles. I was afraid we’d annoyed you into revoking your canonising powers! Bless you saint swiddles of the saints for your patience & saintification virtues!
fierra: chaos and confusion. Also patron saint of usernames that look like “fire,” but aren’t.
:waves her Bright Yellow Highlighter in a sweeping gesture of benediction, and sprinkles the gathered masses with the Holy Ginger Ale of Antioch:
Thank you O Swiddles, Patron Saint of Canonization! I shall only use my powers for (mostly)good!
…
Thanks Swiddles! I’m honored.
Oh, and the interwoven web just got more inter-woveney.
I meant to post my new .sig- here it goes.
Guess I’ve only got myself to blame. :eek: Thanks, Swimming Riddles!
Do you mean I get to be “Patron saint of the Warner Brothers and Sister?”
Kewl.
Plus, with only three clients, I get my work done faster. While all the other patron saints are slaving over their filing, I can skip out early for a dip in the pool and the fresh potstickers at the Chinese buffet. Thank you again, Swiddles!
Ah, lo, the Lord did look down and saw that Swiddles was good and therefore He sent is divine agent, St. Freyr down to bless her.
And St. Freyr did go forth and bless the Holy Swiddles, so that whenever a hot day came upon her, she merely had to think of something cool and refreshing and whereupon an ice cream truck of the Lord would appear, full of ice cream sandwiches, and offer freely of its wares.
And should ever the Holy Swiddles be in need of laughter, she merely had to think for a moment and then a large group of men dressed in green tights would appear and sing Mel Brooks show tunes to her.
And the Lord did look and and smile and blessed the Holy Swiddles. Then He said, whoops, I ought to stop or Mrs. God will get mad at Me.
AMEN
LOL!
Not so fast. First you have to sing all the words in the English language.
Oh yessss… Thank You! Thank You so much! I must go and inform the other Dark Lords…
My official hymns are “I touch myself” , “She-bop” and “Pump it UP”. Thanks Swiddles
Woo Hoo.
Kick ass. Thank you very much.
My existence has been justified.
Is it too late to be sainted? small sad voice