Your peanut butter: Now with nutritious rat excrement!

As if the salmonella contamination wasn’t enough, we now learn that Peanut Corporation of America’s Texas plant has been adding a heaping helping of shit, crap, and crud to all the products it’s been churning out.

Excuse me for a moment while I retrieve my jaw from the floor, dust off the cat hair, and reinsert it.

“Adulteration of exposed food products” – Ya think? Hey, but what’s a little rat shit matter when there’s profit to be made by blowing off money-wasting sissy fripperies like keeping the fucking plant clean? Who cares how filthy the product is, so long as it goes out the door and makes some moolah?

The rat bastards running PCA ought to be force-fed salmonella-infected rodent shit and bird feather souffle till their greedy guts explode and they strangle in a noose of their own putrid intestines.

I read an article in the Dallas Morning News (deadtree version, but it’s probably online as well) about how the prez of PCA did not eat any of his own recalled products when they were presented to him in public.

<trots into living room, retrieves A section> Ahhh, here it is. “Peanut plant’s owner decried hassle of salmonella outbreak” is the headline. Subheadline (is that what it’s called?) says “In e-mails, executive at center of congressional inquiry balked at costs”. Interestingly, he kept sending out samples of the contaminated product to different labs until he got a negative report. A quick skim shows that he got at least two lab reports saying the batch was positive for salmonella. This ain’t the DMV, where you keep taking tests until you pass, if you have a batch of contaminated product you’re supposed to destroy it, not sell it.

So far, Stewart Parnell, the rat bastard in question, is declining to answer questions, “on advice of counsel”. IOW, he’s guilty and knows he’s guilty.

He’s refusing to testify before Congress.

How soon before he’s arrested, I wonder?

Now on the label: “ALL NATURAL!!!”

Son of a bitch. And here I’ve been happily eating from my jar of peanut butter, purchased well before the salmonella outbreak, and now we get this.

He’s invoking the protections of the Constitution, I guess that means that he’s taking the Fifth. The death toll so far: at least 600.

All this is from stuff I read in the DMN article.

The Chinese have the best method of dealing with this type of criminal. Do they still charge the family for the bullet used in the execution?

That would be the way places that are actually licensed to operate would do it.

Well, I’m not on the jerk’s side, mind you, but that is the standard advice of counsel, isn’t it?

Uh uh. That’s the sick toll. The death toll, last I heard was around 9, I believe.

Checks Google Ah, yes there we go.

In Libertarian land, this is what we’d have to look forward to. Inspections and licenses are just unwanted government intrusion, right?
Let the market sort it out! If the product is that bad, and it sickens or kills you, then just don’t buy it!

Isn’t all that in the label, after monosodium glutamate?

I really don’t understand the logic here - keep sending out product that you know is contaminated with a serious pathogen to save money? Do you suppose the decision-making person involved in this thought it wouldn’t cost them MORE money to sicken and kill people and have all their products recalled and be involved in a lifetiime of lawsuits? My God, that is some short-sighted thinking (never mind that as a food manufacturer, ideally you’d care about not killing people who eat your product).

Cover him with his own peanut butter and set him loose on the shores of Kodiak Island.

rechecks paper Yeah, you’re right, I was skimming too quickly. I still say he’s a rat bastard who should be punished by solitary confinement, and given water and only his own damn peanut products to eat and drink.

I won’t argue with that.

I want a large red label that says, “Rat Shit!”

That should read:

RAT SHIT[sup][sup]*[/sup][/sup]

  • May contain peanuts.

It is only the most common food eaten by kids. But, we can trust companies to regulate themselves. After this, for a while ,peanut butter producers will get real careful . To some that will prove that capitalism works. Kill a few,get a few hundred sick but then things will clean up. But they do not stay that way. They slowly get lax again . then rinse and repeat. We need to check our food supply.

Reminds me of the Robert Klein bit on the FDA.

From memory,

“The FDA has an acceptable number of rodent hairs that can be found in peanut butter. I’m a funny kind of guy. For me, there is no acceptable number of rodent hairs in peanut butter. One is too many. Other people, twenty, a hundred, they don’t care.”

But they can’t do that! Sales would plummet!