You might have seen this front page criticising responses of “…in my thoughts and prayers” as a response to tragedy, specifically the California shooting.
Do you think it’s a valid response to a tragedy? If you experienced personal tragedy and someone said you were ‘in their prayers’, what would your thoughts be?
Two questions - A is as a response to a public tragedy or disaster, B is to you individually if you experience personal tragedy. On the approve-o-meter, +5 is approving in the strongest possible terms, wanting to see it more, +1 is approving only very slightly and so on. -5 is objecting in the strongest possible terms, wanting people to knock it off right away.
The problem is not that they’re offering their prayers. It’s that that’s all they’re doing - throwing down an utterly meaningless platitude and walking away from any responsibility towards examining or fixing the problem.
Personally, my response is -5 to both situations. You’re not helping. At best you’re just being patronising, at worse you’re showing a phenomenal lack of understanding of how the world actually works and appealing to an imaginary friend instead of, you know, doing something. This scales back to, I dunno, a -3 if it’s something that the person in question cannot do anything about, and up to a -666 if the person in question is the only person who could do something about it, or belongs to an exclusive group of people who are the only people who could do something about it. As is in this case.
The news story is the same politicians, faced with yet another bloody shooting, once again prating about “thoughts & prayers.” That way, they placate their Bible thumping fans & avoid annoying their NRA contributors.
In private life, it’s just boilerplate from someone who probably means well. Easily ignored when one has serious matters to deal with.
For someone who have felt, known others were praying or me, and I confirmed that, and felt the improvement in my current situation, and from someone who has prayed for others and they confirmed improvement at the time of the prayer, even if they were not there to hear the prayer itself, I’m all for it.
But prayer is more then lip service, it is from the heart, it comes in many forms, but if it moves the heart to act (such as asking Zeus to help, or going for a hike to a mountain for that person), then the prayer is heard and does help. We are all interconnected at the heart level, holding someone in one’s heart is something very real and something that many people can feel, and feel when it is withdrawn also.
But sometimes that phrase is just ‘I don’t know what I can do for you’, and if they don’t know what they can, there is not much they can, so OK in that sense too.
It’s never bothered me, especially from normal people as opposed to politicians. I feel the same way I feel about “I have you in my thoughts”. Both are objectively useless, but that’s not the only useful measuring stick in life. When people here post about family members dying/getting laid off/getting dumped/etc in MPSIMS, are they really looking for constructive advice? No - they just want to tell other people what happened to them, and have those people agree that yeah, that’s really shitty, life can be horrible sometimes.
It’s meaningless from my perspective, but to many people, “I’m keeping you in my prayers” isn’t just some throwaway platitude - it’s the best way they can communicate their sympathy and pain for you. Getting annoyed at that is . . . misplaced.
And yes, I feel annoyed when pro-NRA Republican governors and such use it, but it’s not the word “prayers” that’s bothering me; it’s the fact that they’re incompetent shills who are indirectly killing people. Different issues.
What’s the point of arguing with a bunch of atheists?
Tonight I mentioned casually that the only good thing about the recent shooting is that it helped me forget about the last mass shooting. No one really liked that idea.
It’s a fine response, both publicly, and privately, if it’s the most you’re able to do. If I’m dying and I need to go to the hospital, I’m not going to appreciate you praying for me instead of calling 911.
I voted zero for both scenarios. I’m an atheist, but not a militant one - so while being in someone’s prayers doesn’t really mean much to me, it doesn’t offend me in the slightest either.
While writing this (having already voted) I’m now leaning towards +1 for both scenarios on the grounds that while I don’t believe praying for me (or anyone) would make any difference, the person praying obviously does and in that sense it’s an act of kindness on their part. A meaningless one, but an act of kindness nonetheless.
I don’t want prayers (or thoughts). If I’m suffering and helpless, do something for me, ferchrissakes. Offer to buy me a Coke or rub my feet. *Something.
*
Besides, I guess I’m far too cynical to believe that people actually pray when they say “I’m praying for you”. In my experience, the people who say this tend to be the ones who will tear you down the moment you leave the room.
So yeah, I’m all for prayer shaming if that’s all you’re doing.
As someone who has been on both sides of the coin (formerly agnostic, now Christian), I simply take it as a kindness. Most the time, I think people want something sympathetic to say. If they know you well or are truly interested / concerned about your situation, then they’ll probably pray and I’m grateful for any positive energy they put out in the world. If not, I feel they’re well-intentioned, which is also a good thing in my book. For myself, I try to only say it sincerely, so I make notes of who and what I’d like to pray for.
Now, in the circumstances where there’s something you can actually do, that should be your number one goal and everything else is secondary. Feed the homeless, help someone get a job, staff a soup kitchen, build a friend a wheelchair ramp or whatever. Then pray. But a tornado has just ripped through the town next door and they need folks to hand out water, provide clothes and assist in clean-up? Get off your ass if you can (or if you’re unable, send along some change or canned food as your pocketbook allows if you can’t) and HELP. That’s what’s needed, not just stealth piety.
When someone tells me they are praying for me, I thank them and I appreciate it. To me, it means they care enough for me and my concerns to set aside time to intercede to God on my behalf. That’s a big deal. Of course, it helps that I believe that “the prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” (James 5:16)
When politicians publicly announce they are praying for those suffering, I take it with a grain of salt. It’s what they are supposed to say. Since I don’t know if they really are praying or if they are only following the script, I usually categorize it as polite words.
Someone who I know to be a hypocrite? They can stuff their prayers where the sun never reached. Someone I know to pray as part of a life of generally being a decent, helpful human being? Thank you.
I’ve only ever seen/heard someone say it when there’s really nothing else they can do, so I answered 0 for both. I don’t believe praying actually does anything, but I will take it as that person caring about me or whatever happened. I really only get annoyed by the “God works in mysterious ways/God has a plan/God is in control!” kind of statements.
I feel the opposite. What’s the point of arguing with a bunch of theists? I see the stupid “pray for Paris” stuff and it disgusts me because it’s all a show of religious solidarity. I was a Christian more years than I’ve been atheist. I know what it means. If I was going to pray I’d pray, but prayer is pointless whether you believe it or not. You’re asking your god to do you a favor as if you really think it’s going to be effective. I’m annoyed by the stupid prayer forwards I see every day too. They are not real prayers, they’re another way to brag about which team you’re on. Do you really think Jesus will grant a wish if 5000 people like that post?
Prayer as communion with your god would never bother me because it’s done as it should be. Quietly, anonymously, and not as some lame Facebook meme or profile pic cover.
Anyway I don’t argue. I just scroll past one after another after every tragedy that this god didn’t stop.
In the context that it’s coming up, prayer-shaming comes across as, “the only acceptable thoughts are those that support my policy positions.” To me that just seems totalitarian.
Politicians need to knock it off with the “prayers” and freakin’ do something when there has been a mass shooting every week or so for the past six months. Obviously, if there is a god, s/he isn’t paying attention or intervening, so maybe we humans need to get off our collective asses and figure something out.
Right up there with “lighting a candle”.
Sure, sometimes that’s all you can do (at a distance, for example). But IRL? Say you’re sorry, don’t say you’ll pray, and don’t try to excuse the actions of the almighty (in whom I don’t believe) in your sympathy card, either (true story).
