Okay, it’s snowing in Chicagoland. Wow, shocking. It’s been known to happen in the winter, even January. Sure, we’ve had a really mild winter, but it’s been less than 12 months since we got 6" dropped on us. Normally I avoid driving around in this mess, but I had to return home from work and then pop out for one of my clostest friend’s 30th birthday.
So, yeah, I had to put up with a lot of crappy driving. People forget how to drive in the winter wonderland despite the fact that it happens every single winter. But whatever, I’ve gotten pretty used to it. After all this driving around I’m almost home. I just have to get off the tollway, which goes under the ‘surface’ street and curls up to merge with it. Then it’s a few major streets to home. Well, on the off ramp, traffic comes to a stop. Hmmm, I think, this shouldn’t be. Traffic out here is relatively light and looking up at the surface street we’re merging onto there isn’t enough traffic to back us up this far. So I creep forward until I get under the road and I can see the entirety of the clover leaf all the way to the merge to the surface street.
Now mind you, I’m driving a 2002 Pontiac Grand Am. The 4 cylinder one, not exactly the most powerful winter vehicle out there. But how often does one really drive in crappy conditions around here? The streets get cleaned up by the next day.
Well, back to the exit. I look across the half-circle to see a vehicle has lost control and is perpendicular to the road, preventing anyone from passing. It’s trying to back up to get back onto the road but isn’t doing very well. And it’s a SUV. On go the reverse lights, it moves a bit, off they go, it moves a bit. Still not doing much of anything. Finally the guy in back of him gets out of his sedan and directs the SUV driver how to extricate him from his position. You sir, Mr. SUV driver, are hereby revolked of your vehicle. Go get something you can figure out how to drive. If you can’t keep traction with a SUV the same place that people with subcompacts can you don’t deserve such a vehicle.
Ahhhh, traffic starts moving. Even the Rav 4 in front of me. Presumably the lady driving it has watched the little drama. Well, when we get to the place that the SUV lost it, she decides to go ‘high’ on the incline. This supposedly off road automobile starts getting squirrely. Surely she can slap it into 4WD or move down to where all the sedans are getting by just fine, right? Wrong. Wobbiling back and forth across the lane. You, ma’am, have had your Rav 4 revolked. Go get a Audi station wagon. They have AWD. First thing in the morning.
Well now, I finally make it to my parking lot, squeezing by an Expedition that apparently needs to use the middle of the street to get around. My parking space is halfway into the parking lot. Just 15 seconds from home, right?
Noooooooo. There’s some guy, presumably a neighbor of mine, trying to park his pick up. I guess, it’s tough to tell. He’s backing into a space and is getting about half way in. Then he pulls back forward, his back wheels spinning and spinning with just the barest of traction. Back and forth, I can’t get by. Well, I might when he’s backed in, but he doesn’t wait long enough before putting it into drive to make me feel safe enough to try and get by him and keep my car intact. So I wait and after a few minutes he finally pulls the truck out and heads the same way I am. Alright, whatever. Horay! I reach my spot and park my car. I don’t need to drive it back and forth, I just pull in and shut it off. Then I get out and start to walk back to my place. Oh wait, Mr. Pickup is back, trying to park in one of the parallel spots across from my place. I wait as he repeats the same dance as earlier. Only I don’t have a heater and my roof has been replaced by my parka. I’d walk by, but I’m even less resiliant to dents than my Grand Am. Finally he gives up on the parallel spot, aparently unable to get into the spot behind the Altima occupying the other parallel spot. You, Mr, Neighbor man, have hereby had your truck revolked. Go get a Cooper Mini. Then you’ll be able to parallel park. You obviously don’t deserve a pick up.
