Many of us have had our hearts broken. Like the ripped out of your chest stomped on broken. But, if you could do it all over again, would you?
Two part question:
Is it better to have loved and lost… If you could go back and time and do it over the same way, with the same lousy conclusion, would you? Would the good times be worth the later heartbreak?
If you could go back and do it differently, would you forsake your present circumstances for that opportunity?
I sure wouldn’t. My ex-husband was wonderful at first, for about the first year and a half. For the next five and a half years, I was miserable, but patiently waited for the “real” him to come back. It wasn’t until the divorce that I realized that the one who made me miserable WAS the real him, and the initial year and a half was just an act. I never really fell in love with him, I fell in love with who he pretended to be. It’s a shock to realize that you’ve unknowingly fallen in love with a fictional character.
No effing way. Two weeks of depression, not eating, losing 20Kg in a month… no way would I go through that shit again. She can stick it up her clacker.
Actually I would like the losing 20Kg bit again
Nope, no way. “Doing it differently” would have to include “SlutHo not cheating repeatedly” and “SlutHo not declaring undying love for one of the sluts she fucked the day after she broke up with me”. Either way, tough shit. I’m engaged to MaxBabe now, no way would I give up a class act like her to wind up with SlutHo.
I wouldn’t change anything about my past relationships. Well, I guess I wish I could’ve lost my virginity to a different girl, but other than that, no changes. I would, however, have asked a girl out 3 months ago before she got back together with her ex. Oh, well…
Personally, I wouldn’t change anything about past relationships. Mostly, if things had been done differently, I might not be with the man I am with now. I might have been ready for a relationship sooner than I was in reality, and ended up dating a guy who was ok, but not fantastic like my SO now is. I might have missed him completely, and that’s why I don’t regret what has happened to me in the past.
This was pretty much what I was about to say. I’ve ended up with the most wonderful person in the world, and I would easily go through what I did to get here again.
of course its worth it! i’ve had my heart broken before, like everyone else, and there’s so much to learn from it. Going through love and loss is just part of life, and is well worth it.
I’m surprised at some of your reactions. The bottom line is, you are the sum of your life experiences.
Take away even one of the bad moments, and you forever change who you are, what you know about life, and (more importantly) what you know about yourself.
Are all of you so unhappy with how you turned out in life?
Guess I’m the only one that appreciates the trial-by-fire to get to where I am today. A pity.
After much hindsight and introspection, I have come to the conclusion that my worst heartbreak was my own damned fault. Given the opportunity, I would go back and do it all differently. I don’t know if it would matter at all–it’s possible that I could have done it all differently and it would have still turned out for shit–but there you go.
But I guess it all worked out in the end. My current situation is great.
I thought I was weak and dependent on other people until I got my heart broken into a million little pieces. Now I know I’m OK by myself. I would gladly pay that price for that knowledge again. I do wish I could have know that I would be OK alone without having to go through that, but dealing with the broken heart taught me resilience that I didn’t know I had.
It’s really cool that you’re so condescending about it. Seriously, if you’re in a good place right now, that makes it pretty easy to look back and appreciate it all. For a lot of us, our trials haven’t ended; for some of us, they’ve been going on for a long time. And for some of us, things have happened that simply cost too much to ever be acceptable.
What about the things I said is condescending to you? If you don’t understand that life is about the journey and not the destinations, there isn’t much I can say to change your mind, but it is nonetheless true.
Your mom smacked your hand for almost putting it on a hot stove when you were 6. What did you take away from that lesson, ultra?
Your journey isn’t over. Neither is mine. I fully expect more pain before I’m buried six feet deep, but that doesn’t mean that there won’t ever be happiness in my life again. Neither does it mean that for you.
“Costs too much?” How can you possibly know unless you can read the future?
Just my thoughts before this gets moved to the pit (on the off chance it winds up there).
First, yes Chastain86 you were condescending. Sorry you’re the only one who doesn’t see that.
Anyway…
I think it’s an interesting question. I fully realize that erasing past experiences would change where I’m at now (which is great, wonderful, etc.) so, no, I wouldn’t change anything.
HOWEVER, if I could mess with karma and still be at the same place minus a few heart-wrenching relationships, you betcha I’d do it. I can think of one in particular that just gave nothing to my life (in the end) except heartache and skepticism.
Even if it were 9:59 on the morning of March 31, 1984 and I’m standing on my father’s arm and I hear Emily starting the Bridal Chorus and I KNEW what I know now, I’d look up at him and say “No, Daddy, I don’t want to.” I’d face the fallout from all those friends, relatives and my bewildered fiance. I’d of course choose an earlier date for my revelation, maybe early in '83, but if it meant skipping being married to Troy, I’d grab it. I just didn’t know before, I couldn’t imagine the pain and the lies and if that meant my son and daughter had never been born, we would all have been better off. After years of therapy, I can look back and separate myself from that woman and feel sorrow and pity without the contempt.
But if I did know then what was in store for me, nothing could have made me walk down that aisle. I didn’t become a better person for the painful lessons I learned, I wasn’t purified by the fire-y trial, I lost myself and became less than I was and getting back to here, who I am right now, has taken years.
There has been only one time in my life when I can truly say I was in love. I got my heart broken in about thirty-eight places, and then he started to work on my spleen and gall bladder.
The tragic part about it all is that he never meant to hurt me, and I can’t really hate him for it. In fact, we’re still friends. We don’t talk all that often, and we see each other even less, but there’s still nobody in the world that understands me like he does. That is what I hate.
If I could go back and change it, I would. Not grand, sweeping changes like never having met him–that would completely and utterly change the person I am today. But I think I’d change my own behavior to minimize the damage I sustained. I came away from the relationship feeling demanding, oversexed, and like I was the biggest inconvenience in the world to him. It’s gone a long way towards tearing down my opinion of my own self-worth, etc., etc., yadda, yadda.
But considering he was the only man I’ve ever loved, I don’t think I’d do away with him entirely.
