Sure, I’d go through it again. The euphoria I felt when I met that amazing woman was worth every bit of agony that came later when she ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped on it (all accidentally, of course). Nope, I wouldn’t do it differently. I eventually found my soul mate and have no regrets whatsoever.
Answer to question #1:
No.
Oh, no.
Oh, hell no.
Answer to question #2:
There is one relationship I’d like to try again. But I’d have to go back in time to try it again–I’d have to be in the same frame of mind I was before we ever dated at all, and he’d have to be in the same position. Only I’d have to carry with me the lessons I learned from the horrible meltdown with him, so that I could be a little smarter about who he was, what he might or might not want from me, and what I was looking for, myself.
There are some others I’d like to do over in another way–namely, I would like to have avoided romantic entanglements with them altogether and simply been friends. Instead, I got involved with these guys and then broke up with them–and I couldn’t enjoy their company at all after that. There are really only one or two, of all the men I’ve dated, who I don’t regret having gone out with at all.
- No fucking way.
- No fucking way.
That shit turned me upside down and inside out. I’m still recovering, five years later and in a new relationship.
Nice of you to speak for the room. :rolleyes:
I speak only for myself on this topic. I apologize if I’ve suddenly become representative of your inability to see the forest for the trees.
Do what thou wilst.
Answer to question #1:
No. It was not a healthy relationship and it went on for far too long.
Answer to question #2:
Again, no. There was really nothing that I could do over, or differently, than break up with him a lot sooner.
Right back atcha with speaking for the whole room (um, thread), or actually, people that are reading the thread and who choose or choose not to post.
But thanks for the follow-up, it confirms your condescending voice.
What’s with all this rabble rousing? ding-ding Back to your corners everyone!
I don’t think Chastain86 intended to be condescending. Just isn’t wording things in the best ways. ('Cause it makes you picture the little eyebrow of the Church Lady before she does the Superior Dance).
In some ways I agree with Chastain86 – I survived a horrible, horrible relatinship that was tremendously unhealthy and my friends breatehd a huge colelctive sigh of relief when it ended because they were sick of seeing me so stressed out. As awful as that experience was, and I can think of no truly redeeming aspect of it, it really has a lot to do woth the person I am today.
To reach the stress point that actually breaks you is a profound experience. Oh it sucked big time and took me a couple years to recover (no exaggeration there, either), but there are things I learned about myself, my strengths and my weaknesses that I value immensely.
I don’t know if I would go through it again. In some ways the knowledge it gave me about who I am fundamentally is invaluable, but was the tomrent worth it? Not sure. I would kind of hope that I could have come to the same conclusions without going around feeling like I was a bag of broken glass for two years.
What would I do over if I had the chance? I would have totally pursused someone I thought was a lost cause. (Yep, “the one that got away.”) Oh, how I pined in misery for yeeeeeears, but alas, straight girl. Never could happen. Now that she’s married I found out that she was interested and my assumptions about her straightness were in fact erroneous. :smack:
:smack: :smack: :smack:
looks around One more :smack: for good measure!
That was utter heartbreak. She dated someone else because she thought I wasn’t interested. :smack: And I was miserable seeing her with someone else.
So for that little scene, I’d love a do-over!
No way I would do that over again, whether or not I could make changes. Not a chance.
And yes, I can quite easily say it wasn’t worth it without being able to read the future. Being able to read the past and present is quite sufficient to make that judgement. There were too many years of pain and bitterness. I would be a happier person today if I had not had that relationship. Did I learn some things? Sure. Did it help shape who I am today? Of course. But any positive outcomes were most definitely not worth the price.
I agree with Chastain86. You are your experiences. I agree that he came across a bit condescending, but I wouldn’t redo my unrequited love heartache for the world.
I freely admit that I am in a wonderful, healthy relationship and very much in love, so maybe that makes my pain seem further away.
I do believe it’s “better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all…” If I went back, I wouldn’t change a thing, but I would not leave my current situation for something like it.
It was a beautiful, fleeting thing, and I knew that when I got into it. But, I got carried away and a bit obsessed, and it wasn’t healthy for me. I did love him though, while it was good it was the most perfect love I’ve ever had.
While I know intellectually that the subject question was intending to ask about relationship breakups (at least, I’m assuming so), that’s not entirely the question that was asked, so I’ll answer.
My worst heartbreak was when I was sixteen, and my beloved dog Muff, who had been my pretty much constant companion and best friend for 14 years, died.
And again when, 14 years later, our beloved Greyhound Houdini, who had been with us for seven years, died.
And again two years later, when beloved Siberian Husky Lobo, who had been with us for ten years, died.
So yes, obviously I would do it again. It is always worth the heartbreak. We are courting it again - CurrentDog, Kai, will be five this year. We hope for many, many more, but whatever it is, it will be all too brief.
Requiescat in Pace:
Ragamuffin, 1971 - 1986
Houdini, 1990 - 2000
Lobo, 1989 - 2002
We will always miss you.
For me, I wouldnt change a thing.
I have cried… ive sobbed, Ive wished I could blink out of existense. Hell, about a week ago I thought my life would never get better.
Heart break ruins you sometimes. But I beleive that any horrible heartbreak will make you stronger. No one wants to go through it. I sure didnt, but I would take it back.
I wouldnt give back all the fun we’ve had over the years and the immense love we had for one another. It hurts to see it so quickly swept away, but Ive learned some things and im better for it.
Eats Crayons, Ive seen your posts about your recent breakup throughout the SD. I just wanted to say that I totally know what your going thru. Im going thru the same thing. Its f’in sucks!! But I totally beleive that the bad shit helps you learn- that way, when that person that really is meant for you shows up, you’ll know it! Anyway, good luck, and im sorry if your hurting. Thats why I love the SDMB- it totally gets my mind off of the drama!
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Oh HELL No. He was an asshole. I’d rather skip to where I am now than ever, ever go through that again. See This thread.
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Never, never, ever. I’d not give this up for the world.
Thanks for the good vibes!
I’m actually doing okay. Sulking a bit, doing some “retail therapy” (bought my self some devine crystal stemware). I’m mildly annoyed that I totally fit current statistics – you know the “married at 26, divorced at 30” type. (Granted we never married, but the general demographics are about the same, committed at 28, dumped at 32).
Being dumped by Sniffs_Markers is nowhere near as bad as the chaos my one Really Unhealthy Relationship caused.
But it still really, really sucks. And I have those moments of feeling really lost in the big picture of things.
sigh I just may have to go buy some more devine wine glasses… or maybe a laptop. Yeah, a laptop would make me feel much better.
I suppose it’s true that we take a part of each of our relationships, and use them to build the next one.
But…
My first wife lied, cheated, and skimmed money we didn’t have. Then she walked out on me.
I’ve been happily married for 24 years, and if it’s taught me anything, it’s taught me that I could have done without my first marriage entirely.
I must say, ive been doing plenty of “retail therapy” myself. Thats the way to do it I swear! Not to mention the fact that I got some nookie last night from a previous lover. Maybe not the healthiest way of getting over someone… but I feel good about it!! 
I loved him very much and we had some great times together, but the horrible way that it ended–feeling used and betrayed–no way would I do it all over again. I think I could have lived the rest of my life in relative satisfaction not knowing that kind of pain. I came out of it uncertain that I would ever be able to really trust someone again. Maybe with more time that feeling will change.
Would I go back and do it differently if I had the chance? Knowing what I know now, it would be awfully tempting to stand him up on the first date.
- No
- No
I have to say that, while pain can teach you a lot, especially strength, there are also other ways to learn things. And as often as it teaches you something, it holds you back from learning other things. Maybe I wouldn’t be as good as I am without it, but maybe I’d be better if it hadn’t gotten in my way. I’d probably take that chance.
1) If you could go back and time and do it over the same way, with the same lousy conclusion, would you? Would the good times be worth the later heartbreak?
Well, yeah. I AM the sum of my experiences, and my first love, and the painful end of it, brought about circumstances that led to who I am today. And yeah, first love is magic. Admittedly, if I had had any idea of how it was gonna end, I might have felt differently.
2) If you could go back and do it differently, would you forsake your present circumstances for that opportunity?
No. My first love was magic, but she was … well, not wrapped too tight. Any relationship I could have with her would be a sick one, unless she’s gotten a LOT better since then. My wife, on the other hand, is all I’m ever gonna need.
[quote=MinniePurl
]
I sure wouldn’t. My ex-husband was wonderful at first, for about the first year and a half. For the next five and a half years, I was miserable, but patiently waited for the “real” him to come back.
[/quote]
Your ex-husband sounds a lot like my ex-girlfriend, only my situation was more accelerated. She was great at first, but in a few months’ time everything went to hell. At the expense of my sanity, I let it go on for about another year after that hoping that I could win back her love and respect for me. Never again. Never! If I went back in time and she came up to me and flirted with me at work again I’d know to pass on her. Let some other hapless soul deal with her.
As for my other failed relationships, I wouldn’t want to go through all that shit again. The head games, the waiting for the phone to ring, the broken promises and dashed hopes-- who the hell needs it?! Dating for me is just too painful and being burned one time too many has made me into a jaded, bitter and cynical person on relationships. Having the rug pulled out from under me just as I start feeling confident about the relationship is a most terrible thing to go through. I am much better off choosing to remain single. Having peace of mind is more important to me than getting some nookie now and then.