The Macallan.
Toast and marmalade
A comfy chair, 30 minutes quiet time after the show, and diet Canada Dry ginger ale. I love the stuff but it’s hard to get on the road.
Maybe it’s a boring answer, but I have a rider. It says the dressing room should be a place where YOU would stand in YOUR bare boobs. If it’s not, we’ll leave. It needs to be clean and warm and safe and light, we need mirrors and running water. Our extravagant request is for a kettle and herbal tea.
I’ve no idea what I’d ask for if I could demand crazy things. I sometimes share the dressing rooms with artists who could make such requests (I usually don’t know if they did, sometimes I do know). The artists are always very nice and never drink all those bottles of champagne, but the producers and other crew are super annoying and butt-kissy towards them. So maybe I would demand that they treat me normally and are nicer to other artists 
Or a fruit platter. We quite often get champagne anyway. Oh, a comfy sofa to sit on! And… puppies! I’d like that 
(Wait but what happens to the puppies after the show? Never mind, forget the puppies.)
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An aluminum baseball vat, a small jar of Vaseline, a tray of triple chocolate brownies, and a small sportscar.
Not impossible; here’s a pic of my partner knitting on stage at a FaUst gig. The group advertised for people to sit on stage and knit during their performance (as a calming influence on the music!) but she was the only person who took them up on it -we already had tickets anyway. Some of the crowd were perplexed and some were fascinated to see what she was knitting!
And a friend of ours was the first performer on stage at the 2019 Heavy Metal Knitting finals in Finland a few months ago!
So I say go for it!
The standard stuff. A selection of beverages, soda, juice, bottled water. A coffee machine and supplies to make and serve fresh coffee. Juicer for smoothies.
Seating area with upholstered sofas, chairs, and tables and lamps. Nice furniture. Not plastic crap.
Charger station for phones and pads.
Real silverware, cups and plates. No Styrofoam or plastic.
Catered meal with three entrees - roast beef, baked chicken, and sliced ham. Side dishes - Vegetables, cornbread, white rolls etc. Served hot after the concert on a tablecloth.
Really, I’d mostly want my band and myself taken care of. Fed well, and comfortable.
I’ve read many of the band riders on smoking gun.
I noticed every detail has to be included. Otherwise it’ll get left out.
Want soda? You better mention ice and glasses. A mini fridge or ice chest. 
Or you’ll find a stack of dented cans on a cheap Masonite folding table. Hot soda sucks.
Cold Cherry Coke Zero, boiling hot drinking water, a mug, some English Breakfast tea. Reading upthread, I like the idea of a weekly rotating meal schedule and greater variety by requesting local specialties. So I would do both. I’d only eat one diner per day so some of it is going to waste. For alcohol, I’d want one of a decent California pinot noir, Sercial Madeira, Balvenie DoubleWood (12 year is fine, but bonus points for the 17 year stuff), or a brut sparkling wine. Hell, I’m special, let them bring them all to me. No one’s going to be using my liver once I’m done with it.
Six or so cans of chilled Diet Coke, six or so bottles of chilled bottled water (don’t really have a brand preference), a couple of bags of Now & Laters.
I’m a man of simple tastes.
- Comfortable leather sofa, clean. (Should not become a surrealist art piece under UV light)
- 2 cans of Diet Coke, not Pepsi - cold
- Under no circumstances any cfl lightbulbs. Lightbulbs are to be incandescent or LED only. Light color yellow, max 60 Watt or LED equivalent.
- An hour before my arrival: two sprizes of febreeze or similar, neutral fragrance, per 300 sq ft. Leave the can.
- Clear, idiot-proof directions to the stage.
A bottle of whiskey from each distillery, big or small, within a 100 mile radius of the venue. That would include bourbons, single malts, ryes, and all other variations
No tobacco use within 250 feet.
A nice spread that does not include any products for those that have gastric issues like me.
Vat or bat -------- the possibilities in that combination are endless. 
I was going to say “no comets”, just nice planets, satellites, and asteroids in orbit around me. And none of the asteroids can pretend to be planets.
A giant brandy snifter full of Jelly Belly jelly beans. No substitutes. I will know the difference and invoke the penalty clause.
I like the idea of locally popular foods but my idea of acceptable BBQ may not match up with the locals. Bring me a chopped BBQ beef sandwich with coleslaw on it and I’ll be sorely tempted punch someone in the throat.
I’d go along with having a small buffet set up with selections from several local restaurants.
And Dr. Pepper with real sugar.
At 3.16 PM on 16th January, an angel appeared before me and granted me the gift of tap dancing. I am now the best tap dancer in the world and sell out huge stadiums everywhere I go. My rider is:
Personal foot masseuse to be available before and after the concert.
Small hammer and a selection of tiny nails for use in emergencies. Plus a cobbler’s last. And a cobbler.
A small fridge containing
- Several bottles of Lindemans Kriek
- A selection of BrewDog beers, including at least 2 bottles of Mr. President
Indian snacks (samosas, bhajis chicken tikka etc) for after the show.
Comfy slippers
j
BTW - no apostrophe in Lindemans. Just sayin’.
Sorry to but a reality damper on the fun, but Safety, Safety, Safety and well trained and competent staff.
Recently Kpop idol Wendy from Red Velvet was lead off stage after a staffer lead her off a multi-foot drop instead of the stairs. He broke her pelvis, arm and hit her face. No full update on her condition, but this could be a career ending accident.
https://www.billboard.com/articles/news/international/8547060/wendy-red-velvet-accident-details
Also at the same event, several stars slipped and fell during rehearsals and live on the slippery state. Given that Kpop idols are generally in poor health due to crash diets and overwork, major career ending injuries could occur.
Three professionally trained 19 y/0 tiny asian female masseuses and a milking table.
Unless you don’t care, it would be advisable to specify gender.
I recall reading a story by a guest speaker at a Sci-Fi Con who had asked for this, and got a late-night knock at his hotel room door, to be confronted by a husky young man, with red hair and a flourishing red beard.