"You're a true <insert your home city here> if you..."

For where-ever you happen to live, there are certain mores, attitudes and behaviors that signal that some people are “true denizens” rather than newcomers or out-of-towners. Take New York City (where I’ve lived for 14 years) for example -

-True NY-ers always refer to Pepsi, Coca-Cola, Sprite, 7-Up, etc. as “soda”, never as “pop.”

-When waiting for a train, true NY-ers automatically walk down to either end of the platform rather than wait directly at the bottom of the stairs at the center of the platform. (Because the subway cars at either the front or back of the train tend to be less crowded than cars at the center.)

-True NY-ers will acknowledge, but act indifferently to celebrities they run into on the street (“So I sez to Mabel, I sez…Hey watch where you’re going!..Was that Meryl Streep that just barged right into me? Yeah?..So anyway, I sez to Mabel, I sez…”)

-True NY-ers don’t consider Ground Zero to be a sacred destination of reverence any more…it’s just a really, really big construction site.

-True NY-ers wouldn’t dream of taking a taxi. True NY-ers know that the fastest way of getting around town is simply to walk.

-True NY-ers weren’t distrought about the closing of CBGB’s. It was already a faded relic of days gone by for the past 20 years.

-True NY-ers don’t drink lattes or “mocca” anything. They drink coffee, preferably black.

-True NY-ers don’t have lifestyles anything remotely like anyone on “Sex & the City.” For that matter, true NY-ers think the Magnolia bakery (a tourist destination largely because of that show) went downhill ten years ago.

For comparison sake, a good friend of mine who’s lived in San Francisco for over a decade has related to me that ‘true San Franciscans’ never, EVER refer to the city as “Frisco” and never call cable cars “trollies.”

What are some telling details of ‘true’ denizens of your locale?

You are an Austinite if and only if you were born here.

A true Tucsonan will always seek out even the slightest little bit of shade while standing outside, no matter the season.

A true Tucsonan does not even own a heavy winter coat.

A true Tucsonan would never pronounce the road name La Canada (La Can-yada) as La Canada (as in the country of Canada).

A true Tucsonan does not consider Taco Bell to be edible Mexican food.

A true Chicagoan knows ketchup has no place on a hot dog. We may personally *like *ketchup on a hot dog, but we’ll order it without and squeeze on one of those little packets, lest we be seen as so uncouth as to order a hot dog with ketchup.

A true Chicagoan knows Pizza Hut pizza ain’t pizza. Giordano’s is where you take the out of town relatives. That little place on the corner with no seating and jars of red pepper flakes on the counter is where you get the real good stuff.

A true Chicagoan has a sixth sense for game days, even if he never checks the schedules. We magically know when to avoid the streets around the park for a six block radius.

A true Chicagoan knows the free days at the museum, even if she hasn’t been to a museum in 10 years.

A true Chicagoan knows that while the fishing is good down by the pier, you should not eat the salmon from Lake Michigan. Or anything from Lake Michigan, for that matter.

A true Chicagoan can take a “shortcut” the entire length of the city through alleys.

A true Main Liner always dresses down.

A true Main Liner knows what “Old Maids Never Wed And Have Babies” means.

A true Main Liner is very kind to those below their station (as long as the station isn’t below Overbrook).

Funny but true: the only movie star actually born on the Main Line? Not Grace Kelly, not Katharine Hepburn–but Jayne Mansfield! S’trewth!

A true Torontonian knows:

– that “T.O.” refers to Toronto, and not to Terrell Owens.

– that they are “streetcars,” not trams.

– that “Yonge” is actually pronounced “young,” that “Strachan” is pronounced “strawn,” and that “Bloor” has two syllables: Blew-er.

– that modifiers like “east” and “west” go after the street name: Bloor Street West, Queen Street East. (Never “East Queen Street,” for example.)

When asked directions to any point in this city, a true native will say “You start at the monument.” The other true native will know where that is.

A trie native will not stand on Grand Avenue and ask for directions to Engle Street (Grand becomes Engle after PalAve).

A true native knows what PalAve means.

A true native knows what the 4th Ward means.

I’ve got to quibble with a few of these New Yorkerisms:

No, a true New Yorker will walk to the point on the platform where they can get on the car whose doors will open next to the exit stairs at their destination stop.

-True NY-ers don’t drink lattes or “mocca” anything. They drink coffee, preferably black.

True New Yorkers take their coffee Regular (meaning with milk and sugar). If they don’t they know that they have to say “no sugar” if they don’t want sugar.

-A true Phoenician knows that a parking spot under a tree (or any kind of shade) on the far side of the lot is worth more than a parking spot close to the door of your chosen establishment.

-A true Phoenician knows to avoid Mill Ave like the plague once you reach your mid-20’s.

-A true Phoenician will never forgive Richie Sexson.

-A true Phoenician hopes against hope that a new stadium will make the Cardinals suck less, even though we’re pretty sure that it will not.

-A true Phoenician knows that mass of blinking red lights atop South Mountain means you’re home.

True New Yorkers don’t get their coffee at Starbucks or any other frufru place. They get it at the corner bodaga or, even better, a coffee truck on the street.

Since Spoons already did Toronto…

A true Tokyojin:[ul][]Can only give directions in relation to a train station (never compass directions).[]Can identify a teenager’s preferred district by how they dress[]Never shops for electronics in Akihabira[]Knows at least five ramen places within a five minute walk of their workplace[]Knows, to the minute, when the last train from where they work leaves[]Has mastered the art of sleeping for 40-55 seconds at a time (all True Tokyojin know what this means :))[/ul]

You’re a true San Franciscan if when you hear the phrase “color TV” you think it refers to a Dark Skinned Transvestite.

A true Nevadan corrects people who pronounce the name of the state “nev-AH-da.” It’s “nev-ADD-ah.”

I thought there were 49 of them. But then, I went to college off the Media Local.

Superman, you forgot my favorite:

True NY-ers aren’t afraid to scream, “it’s pronounced “Howstan Street”, you dumb fucking rube!”

Englewood? :D:D:D

A true Houstonian:

  • Believes David Carr would be a Pro Bowl quarterback if he got some protection.
  • Has no car insurance.
  • Doesn’t drink the tap water.

Here, here. I never got the “convenience” of cabs. Between the wait for a cab and the wait in traffic, walking is way faster; plus, the A/C never works. What’s that? It’s too far? Take the subway. Yeah, you gotta wait for the subway, too…underground, unexposed to the elements. And subways don’t get into traffic jams.

Only thing dumber is actually having your own car in the city.

That was my guess, too :smiley:

I won’t post what I think of true Calgarians at the moment. I might regret it later. :mad: :mad: :mad: