An hour? ONLY ONE HOUR???
Brother Fenris, you are falling slack in your duty to God. The Bible clearly states, in Obadiah 55:31, that he who does not tithe a minimum of ten percent of his day searching the Web for smut shall be cast into perdition. You don’t want to lose standing in the eyes of the Lord, do you? It’s time for a revival. Let’s pitch a tent and renew our search.
[sub]Oh, and where’s those donkeys at? I’ve heard of onanism, but never onagerism.[/sub]
**According to the OP I saw, it was a penis-enlarger ad that got Righteous all bent out of shape (pardon the pun) in the first place.
So did I miss a post, or is a penis-enlarger ad considered pornographic these days? Even when I was a pornography-starved 7th grader analyzing Benny Hill reruns, I don’t think a dick pump ad would have qualified.
Besides, Righteous, you may not have seen that ad by accident at all–you’re girlfriend may have bookmarked it for you.
Actually, it wasn’t even an ad, it was an article by Cecil on penis enlargement techniques, apparently one of these two:
http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_056.html
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/001020.html
I find it interesting to note that in his initial posting here, he can’t even use the word penis. He uses the phrases male body part (hmm, maybe he means the prostate) and then one’s private organ implying a Hammond that someone is unwilling to share…
Hey Righteous: It’s penis! PENIS! PENIS! PENIS!**
He also makes the interesting claim:
Apparently it’s not here yet…
Brother Jaime:
You are quoting the bible for the purposes of SATAN! The verse of Obadiah 55:31 that you quote only refers to GROWN MEN who’ve had years of experience searching for smut. Brother Jaime, there are WOMEN AND CHILDREN and DEPRIVED SOULS who haven’t ever looked for SMUT. Obadiah 55:31 is an admirable goal and we should all strive towards it, but doesn’t Flagellations 14:92 say * “Children and Women work slowly, but steadily: with patience and occasional beatings, they can begin to approach the granduer of men.”*?
I think we can take that message to heart.
Don’t you CARE about the children?
Brother Fenris
I care about our children, of course, Brother Fenris. For us women folk should. So help this lonely Sister of the Church forsake her sinful ways!!!
Awww–come on, guys, Righteous isn’t being a -complete- asshole. He’s just acting a little ignorantly.
Righteous, your faith in yourself and your religion is admirable, but this isn’t the way you should go about spreading it around. The Straight Dope Message Board is all about not being afraid to approach -any- thought-provoking topic as it comes up. Whether it involves what you deem to be ‘pornographic’ or not. (I think ‘scientific’ is a better word, in terms of the penis-enlargement article)
We do not appreciate it when our members and moderators are singled out and attacked. As a religious man, I know you only have the best of intentions for all of us, but I, for one, see Ignorance as a greater sin than any of the topics we have, are, and will be discussing.
If you want to start building a better reputation here, start forming your criticisms more constructively.
-Ashley
It could have been worse, anyways…
what if Righteous had heard about our discussion on YIFFING CARTOON ANIMALS!
Oops! I’ve said too much already!
Hey, Self… er, I mean, Righteous. A good friend of ours had some very … interesting things to say about Jesus in the last few pages of this thread. I’d sure like to see your response to his allegations.
C’mon, everyone, let’s go watch the fun!! I’ve got the popcorn.
He has failed to respond. In fact, he has failed to post at all since I posted my response. I think he’s given up on us (except to pray).
Now Now be ‘civil’ I happen to be both a Christian AND in agreement with you.
Cheeres and laurals for Ashley!!!
Br’er Fenris,
True, but Jude 74:7 clearly states, The Holy Ghost hath made all this Old Testament hooey null and void, except where thou mayest use it to bludgeon thy fellow man into doing what thou wilt. Yea, even shall we all follow the way of the Lord to the point of smacking thy begatted upside the head whensoever they get uppity. This clearly indicates that we don’t have to follow Obadiah, but we do when others don’t. We also don’t have to care about the children.
Peace be upon you, Brother.
Brother Jaime.
First of all, Righteous, on behalf of all atheists, secular humanists, infidels, godless heathens, and antichristians of all stripes everywhere, let me just say: Thank you! Good work! Keep it up, man!
(However, if you are in fact an atheist troll, I have to say that while your approach is superficially amusing, I can’t really say I approve of it from an ethical point of view. There are plenty of Moron Christians, Loon Christians, and Scary Christians out there; no need to invent fictional ones. [And of course the Moron, Loon, and Scary categories are not exhaustive of all Christians.])
I just wanted to say that I really liked that one, and thought it should be rescued from this thread, which was one of the ones so foully slain by that black-hearted Swiss.
Finally, let me just share a little Bible verse with you:
sigh
ashtar thank you for your kind words. i’m glad to see that there are some decent people on this message board. i don’t think i’m doing wrong in representing the christian view. and i’m not trying to attack anyone, i was just pointing out inappropriate behaviour.
surgoshan you seem to be full of hostility. as far as my typing skills i will explain for the third time that i’m having keyboard problems but since so many people are upset about me not using the shift key i will do my best to fix my keyboard this week-end.
and yes i did include some of you in my prayers but the reason i haven’t posted for the past day is because i have a busy life.
mebuckner i looked up the passage in your bible verse and the verse is referring to the impure desires of a woman who was a grievous sinner so i rather think you are proving my point.
smeghead i have limited time now but i will later return and visit the thread you are mentioning and see if i have anything to add to the discussion.
bruce
Standing alone not’s easy, Righteous. You’re one of the few who are willing to do it. I respect you. And for the record, I also respect Falcon and weird dave at the Parlor.
I would support Brother Righteous for standing alone, but…well, then he wouldn’t be standing alone anymore. That’s the sort of paradox that Kirk regularly used to blow up super-computers and I fear for my PC.
Anyway, on to Brother Righteous’s newest missive (copied from here.)
Hallelujah! Brother Righteous is correct about this! ANYONE who’d visit a medical site should be shot or locked up! Praise Brother Righteous for the courage to see this! I understood Brother Righeous to only be standing against [sub]porongraphy[/sub] but he’s got the strength of character to stand against **filthy medical information too! What sort of disgusting perverted monster would be interested in medical information?! I agree that only doctors, with their hearts hardened and blackened by years of exposure to the degradation of looking at, y’know,…bodies and stuff should be allowed on medical sites. Doctors lack the gentleness of spirit or compassion and lovingkindness that Brother Righteous has, and so are inured to the evil of these sights.
I weep at the abuse Brother Righteous has taken on his great crusade and ask everyone here to, in addition to their one-hour-per-day pornography search, add an extra half-hour, minimum, searching for wicked medical information so that they too can be better equipt to spread Brother Righteous’s message.
**
Anyone who defends the Nefarious Mr. Winkelried is an unhuman, loathsome, noisesome, monster escaped from the pits of HELL! Brother Rightous, you may not be aware of this, but the Nefarious Mr. Winkelried is actually Jack the Ripper and Vlad Tepes! At the same time! As a matter of fact, Brother Righteous: you’ve heard of “The Doom That Came To Sarnath”? Well…[sub]The Nefarious Mr. Winkelried is. that. Doom.[/sub]! It’s TRUE! I also hear he eats baby kittens and sneers at Shirley Temple movies! He’s a monster! Please, please Brother Righteous…help redeem him of his wicked, evil ways.
Brother Righteous, there are those on the board who will laugh at you and mock you. To them I say: YOU ARE ALL SCROFULOUS WEASELS, FILLED WITH BITTERNESS AND SCROFULA! REPENT AS BROTHER RIGHTEOUS WOULD HAVE YOU DO!
I remain non-scrofulously yours,
Brother Fenris
No, you remain undiverse and christianphobic.
Since you’re attacking my defense of Brother Righteous, I can only conclude that you’re one of the Scrofulous Ones I spoke of.
Tsk.
Brother Fenris
I’m not attacking your defense of anyone. I’m pointing out your childlike name calling and mocking. You obviously do not have the Holy Spirit living in your heart, therefore, you can not understand Christianity. Thus, you are attacking something you cannot understand. This makes you christianphobic.
Yeah! Preach it Brother Fenris!!!