I guess I should give some backstory before I just go into a screaming, hysterical rant. So, here it goes.
Several years ago, my uncle met a beautiful, charismatic woman. She was smart, funny, interesting, and sophisticated. Unfortunately, her father was a gangster and her mother and three sisters were horrible shrews. Regardless, they were married, and happy as long as they remained on the opposite side of the country from her family. My family welcomed her and treated her like one of our own, while her family turned their backs on us and treated us like garbage. Members of my family even attended the funeral when her father died. Years went by, and eventually they had a son. My grandparents, aunts and uncles, and my mother and I flew across the country to greet the new addition to our family. In fact, we didn’t even comment on the fact that no photos of our family hung on the walls in their home, even though members of HER family did.
Well, soon after that, my uncle got into some serious legal trouble and spent 9 years in prison(that’s another thread). He isn’t some fucked-up ex-con or anything, he just did a really stupid thing and had to pay the price. In fact, my uncle’s wife had full knowledge of his crimes as he was committing them, she just played dumb when he got caught. Anyway, my uncle and his wife were quickly divorced, and she moved back across the country to be near her family. During his imprisonment, she continued to take their son to visit him every chance she could. My uncle and his son communicated on a regular basis, and when he was released, he was eagar to reestablish a relationship with the boy. It was soon revealed that even though my family had continued to send cards to their son for birthdays and various holidays, HE HAD RECEIVED NONE OF THEM!!! She had made sure her son believed that no one in my family wanted any contact with him. She even went so far as to tell him that we hated him.
Well, my uncle never sought legal visitation with his son. He’s always had too much faith in people, and didn’t want to involve lawyers. He wanted to “keep everything civilized”. Everything he’s done with his son has been ON HER TERMS.
Finally, this past winter, he decided to go to a lawyer and discuss getting proper visitation of his son. Well, he had a court date set, his ex was called in etc, but at the last minute, she pleaded with him on the courthouse steps to reconsider. She said she’d agree to his terms, but not to go to court. She didn’t want their son hurt any further. My uncle agreed with her, and they sat down and discussed a visitation plan. Their son (my cousin) was supposed to have spent all of today with us. The ex-wife had relented! No one in my family has seen him since he was a tiny baby. My grandparents were thrilled, as were my aunts and uncles. Everyone was getting together old pictures of my cousin’s parents etc to show him. Food was made, a banner was hung, signs were posted to welcome him. EVERYTHING.
Then. A phone call. My uncle called and said that the boy’s mother had changed her mind. I was not to see my cousin. My grandparents were not to meet this lost grandson. My uncle announced to us that his ex had suddenly changed her mind and threatened to cancel his time with their son if he brought their son anywhere near our family. Today was a very sad day.
WHY??? Our family isn’t bad! We don’t want to hurt or take away my cousin! We just want to know him. We want to welcome him, and let him know that he has all these other relatives who love and care about him. Why would she do that? She never had any intention of allowing him to spend today with us. She lied to avoid going to court. Now I fear that something worse is going to happen. I’m so angry right now. I’ve known this woman since I was a little girl. She was close with my family, and was a major part of it until she and my uncle split up. Even after my uncle was imprisoned, members of my family travelled across the country to help her get her affairs in order. My family called her, sent her cards, and tried to stay in touch with her until one day she sent a letter to my mother that said awful things about how she hated us all, and that all the men in my family were “faggots”. And with that statement, she took my cousin and denied us any contact with him at all, and started feeding him lies about how we dumped her and left her alone when my uncle was arrested. She told him that we’d NEVER tried to contact him in the entire time he’s been alive. Why would she do that? I’m not really expecting an answer. I just needed to vent.
Thanks SDMB. I needed to get that off my chest.
