You're making me a grandmother, and that's final!

In My Humble Opinion
21

My parents know that we don’t plan to have kids and are okay with it. I have a younger sister who wants children so that probably softens the blow.

I know that my fiance’s parents want grandkids. They’ve never pressured us but whenever his mum talks about her hypothetical grandchildren she gives me this hopeful little smile. The thought of disappointing them breaks my heart, especially since my fiance is probably their best shot at grandkids. So pleasing both sets of parents would be my number one reason to have children, but it’s ultimately overshadowed by all the reasons we don’t want to have children.

22

Oh, Lord, that’s awful. Nice to know that she appreciates you as a person in your own right.

23

I do wonder if having a child still at home affects how parents respond to grandchildren from their adult children.

Case in point, when I had my two sons, my folks still had two children at home (there’s 10 years between me and the youngest sibling). My mother was OK as a grandmother, but nothing special, no drooling adoration, nothing like that.

Fast forward 24 years and the last of the four of us children has had a child. Holy cow you would think this was my mother’s first grandchild instead of her eleventh. Yes, eleventh! Honestly I’m a bit miffed at how overboard she’s gone now–what were the other 10, chopped liver?

As for me, I have never had the expectation my children should reproduce. In fact I devoutly hope one of them waits a good long time but ultimately that’s his business. The other one and his wife had a daughter last summer and she’s just a fantastic baby. I’m thrilled to be a grandmother, but can’t see upending my life to be closer to her or anything like that.

Having a child is such a personal decision. Just as I don’t pry into my friends’ reproductive plans, I certainly extend the same courtesy to my children.

24

My kids are too young, 18 and 16, and although I hope it will be on the horizon in the next ten years or so, we’re focusing on more immediate things right now, such as education.

It would sadden me if my children did not have children. However, I would not harp on it. My husband is very big on carrying on the family name (he was the only son, so our only son has to carry on the family name, according to him) but on the flip side you mention grandchildren and he shudders. I think because it’s too soon. My daughter has mentioned not wanting children, but she’s only 16, so right now, I think that’s a healthy attitude. :smiley: My son hasn’t really talked against it, so I figure it’s on his To-Do list, but not right now. We’re a close-knit family, especially on Ivylad’s side, and both Ivykids adore and are adored by their younger cousins, so it’s not like, “Babies, ewwwww.”

25

Not pressure, exactly, but my dad was annoying for a while. We’d have conversations like this:

Dad: “When are you guys having kids?”
Me: “I told you, after we pay off our college debt, have a good start on a retirement and savings account, and maybe take a few trips with just the two of us.”
Dad: [whining] * "But if you wait * until you can afford them, you’ll never have them."
Me: “Your financial history doesn’t really help you accurately predict mine, and besides, are you seriously suggesting I raise your grandkids in poverty? Because that’s definitely where we’d be if we had kids right now.”
[Enter Mom, stage left, elbowing Dad and telling him to mind his own business.]

I finally told him once, and I think I got this line from the SDMB at some point, “I plan on having kids, but that’s the extent I’m going to discuss my sex life with you. Can we discuss yours instead?” He choked on his coffee and quieted down. He’s stopped recently, and I think that’s mostly due to the saintly influence of my mother. (I suspect she told him something like, “Hey, lay off. You’re starting to sound like your mother. Do you want to sound like your mother?”) He now restricts himself to rejoicing whenever we bring up our long term plan for the future, which includes kids. My mom is a sleeper agent, and once we do decide to breed, I think she’ll explode with crocheted baby blankets and hats and clothes and booties and hats and books and sweaters and websites and hats and carseat reviews and hats and advice. (She likes making baby hats.)

My in-laws don’t pressure, but it’s obvious that they want grandbabies to snuggle. They had kids late in life, and I suspect that they’re worried we’ll do the same thing, so they’ll be 80 by the time their first grandkid is born. There’s only one time they’ve brought it up, really:

When we told them we were getting married, my father-in-law said “Really?!” excitedly and knocked over a water glass shaking my husband’s hand in congratulations. Once the chaos had died down, he turns to me and asks happily, “So, how do you feel about kids?” I laughed and said I wanted them eventually, but after we dealt with some other things first. He deflated a little, but nodded in understanding. Then he brightens up and joked, "You know, you don’t have to be married to have kids. :smiley: " I said, “Yeah…I’ve heard that.” My husband hid his eyes and died of embarrassment.

26

We’re childless and since we’re straddling age 50, it’s now a permanent condition.

My family has never pressured us a bit. My two younger brothers eventually each had one child, so that may have forestalled the issue for my parents. But I’d been married for several years before the other grandkids appeared, and I never got any comment, much less any pressure, from my parents.

My wife’s Mom OTOH …

Fortunately for us, my wife’s sister had two just after we got married. But had she not, her Mom (my MIL) would have been on us daily for the next 25 years. Until we moved to the Australian outback with no forwarding address or had her killed. She’s a generally sweet lady, but with the tenacity of a pit bull. And the same concern for other people’s interests when they don’t match her own.

Glad we dodged that one.

27

That is one cool woman you’ve got for a mom.

28

My mom fully understands that she may never have grandchildren from my brother or from me. She says “If it happens - great! - But it’s your lives and responsibilities”. I think she’d love it though.
My bro and his wife (both 26) are no where near ready for kids after 4 years of marriage (and 4 years dating). They say maybe some day.
Mr J and I do not want kids at all. IF we change our minds in the future, we’ll probably adopt.

29

Neither my husband nor I have ever been shy about our desires for children, so while there’s been lots of commentary/questions by the family, it’s not unwarranted. If I think about it, the questions are probably rude, but I don’t mind answering them because we very much want children. I could be evasive, it’s none of their business, but I’ll throw myself on the grenade to protect both our little sisters (who are at “oh hell no” on the topic).

I did make a preemptive statement to my mom (who is DYING for grandchildren) that if there is a lack of kids in the near future, it will not be for lack of trying, so please don’t pester. The last thing a couple needs while having trouble getting pregnant is nagging.

30

My mom seems fine with not having grandchildren. I think she would have liked it, but she respects my sister and I having come independently to the conclusion that we didn’t want to have children.

My inlaws are something different, especially my father-in-law. He really wanted his only son (my husband) to have kids, and definitely boys. Every time we think they have finally accepted our decision, they make another comment about it.

31

Both of my families (mom and step-dad, dad and step-mom) are totally cool about our decision not to have kids. My in-laws, however, were not so cool with it, but didn’t *actively * pressure us. Just…little comments occasionally.

32

Kicking me out wasn’t the worse of it, though that is for another time. Though I have been through my own fair share of shit. As I am sure million others.

Though no, there was no talk of marriage. When my father was a teenager, his sister had 3 children out of wedlock. One she kept, the second was given up for adoption and the 3rd wasn’t really spoke of, so I am not sure what happened to that one. Though I am almost positive it was adoption also. Where my grandparents were strictly catholic, it made living in that household unbearable. He made it quite clear that we were to “keep our legs closed” until we were married.

So when it happened, it didn’t go over so well. He even at one point told me that he prayed to “god” that I would have a miscarriage. Needless to say it happened and it has left a lot of resentment towards him.

/hijack

Sorry about that.

33

I’m 29 and married. I don’t want kids at all. My wife keeps saying “In about 5 years” and has been saying that for the last 2 or 3 years. I’m doubtful that we’ll ever have them.

My mom’s been cool about it. She started on me once and I told her how much it bugged me. She’s never done it since. Of course, my brother has 5 children and she’s got no shortage of grandkids.

My mother in law on the other hand won’t take the hint. I’m not ready to rock the boat over it… yet. She’s already got one grandchild is obviously desperate for another since my wife’s sister isn’t having any more. Every time I see her she starts telling me that we’d make good parents and should have a child. Arrrgh!

34

My parents always said they respected my decision not to have children. As it turns out, they didn’t. Or maybe the respect it but just don’t like it. Who’s to know?

All I know is that since my two younger brothers have had children (you’d think that would satisfy them), it’s become readily apparent that I am the member of the family that has failed them in some way.

I’m too old for them to expect children now (I’m 41), but not, it seems, too old for comments that I’m the only child of theirs that failed to live up to my potential, the the one that refused to grow up, the selfish one…

In fact, my mother once told me I should consider myself very fortunate that I’m still invited to family get togethers because many families “prune barren branches.” :eek: It’s not quiteas bad as it sounds. Mom says things in the heat of an argument that she doesn’t mean. (We were arguing about the fact that I didn’t want to stay home and watch all my nieces and nephews while everyone else went out to dinner. After all, they’re busy parents, and I go out all the time.) But it still stung.

Lucky for me, I don’t get those kinds of comments all the time (only when my parents are particularly stressed or trying to guilt me into doing something). Also, I’ve gotten pretty good at saying “Yup. I don’t have kids. And you can’t do anything about it.”

35

I would like to see my daughter have kids, or if I have other children for them to have some. It would be sad to see my genetic immortality ended in the next generation. However, past my own generation it isn’t my choice. Part of passing on the legacy is passing on the power of choice that is involved in the continuation of the species. As it is, I have one kid, and my sister is pregnant so for my parents their legacy is assured. My wife is an only child, so they have a grandchild from their only daughter.

36

Between us, Crusoe and I have 5 parents - I have half the normal amount, he has twice as many.

Crusoe’s mum has already told us she’s looking forward to having grandchildren “so I can take them on adventures on the bus” (I’m not sure why, she has a car), but her husband said something to the effect of "I don’t mind you having kids, I just don’t want to have to have anything to do with them.

His dad and his wife are very much of “no pressure, would never offer an unasked-for opinion” type, but while I think he would be secretly delighted to have grandkids, she looks vaguely terrified whenever the subject is mentioned. She doesn’t have kids of her own, so that’s understandable.

My mum has been desperate for grandkids for years - when we got engaged, mum announced it to all her friends as “Guess what? I’ll get to be a grandma soon!” I don’t mind though, she’ll be a terrific grandma, and has already offered to take them off our hands for the summers, and have them run wild on Dartmoor with her. Which gives amusing images of having to go down there in the autumn with a big net to hunt and retrieve our by now feral offspring :slight_smile:

37

Every coin has another side though, people.

Me: “Someday, when I have kids, I’m …”

Dad: “Aw, who the hell would ever marry You…?” :eek: :frowning:
Thanks, Dad. BTW, they are great kids and they loved visiting NASA (which was how I was going to finish that sentance).

38

Before we had kids, whenever the subject came up by such rude people ( family/friends/strangers) my response to the question:

When will you two have kids?

  1. When you pay for their upbrining and college fund.

  2. My husband has a low sperm count. he didn’t…

Fight rudeness with rudeness, I say.

39

The only people who should talk about people having babies are the person or people directly involved. Nobody is under obligation to “give” anyone a baby.

My father threw a fit when I told him I did not want to have children, screaming that I was stupid and abnormal and I better count on some guy knocking me up and supporting me. If he could have sold me into marriage at age 14, I know he would have.

40

My mother, who already has six grandchildren (a pair each from each of my siblings), has made it clear in her inimitable fashion that she would like us to get with the baby-making. If any of my siblings or myself had informed her that we did not intend to have children and managed to do so in a convincing fashion (in other words, more convincing than my 16-year-old brother saying “I’m never having kids, so there!” in the middle of an argument with my mom), she would have been unhappy about it, but resigned herself.

She did, however, ask my poor husband if he intended to have children. Over dinner on the day they first met. Poor guy. I rolled my eyes and said “Holy crap, Mom!” and she said “I’m just asking!”