One of the side benefits of being gay is that people don’t expect you to have children. It keeps those conversations to a minimum.
My mother spent my entire 20s assuring me that she was too young to be a grandmother. I’d always been on the fence about having kids, but by my early 30s “maybe not” became “definitely not.” She has never said anything about the “definitely not,” but when she watched her brother become a grandpa I think she might have had a twinge of jealousy. To my face, though, she still says that she doesn’t care about ever being a grandma. (I have a brother, but he has long had social issues that prevent him from even having just friends; I was the only hope.) My father has never mentioned the subject; I don’t know how he feels about it. I think he knows that I’m not ever having kids, though. He doesn’t like children, so I think he’s ok with it.
My SO’s mom, though, apparently wants grandchildren. He’s an only child, and I don’t think he’s ever broken the news to her that he doesn’t want kids. I’ll be going “home” with him at Christmas for the first time this year, so we’re hoping that she’ll get the “I’m 37, we’ve been together for 2 years, and there’s no talk of kids” hint at that time. 
(As a side note, how freaking old do I have to be before people stop telling me that “I might change my mind later” about wanting kids? :mad: It happened again just a month ago!)
A proper setdown could be, " If I wait much later I’ll give birth to a human that is severely retarded. Like you."
I prefer asking “So how old do you think I’ll be when I change my mind?” in a disingenuous tone of voice. Some people don’t get the sarcasm/point, but most do and I love seeing them get embarrassed. Of course, it doesn’t help that I look like I’m still in my 20s – “you might change your mind” is often paired with “you’re still young.” Grrr.
I’m 53, never been pregnant, my last period was in September 2005, have genetic issues, was raised in a very abusive household, three of my four siblings have spawned, and people STILL ask me when I’m going to have a baby.
They are retarded. And damn rude.
:eek: Geez, I can feel the love from here.
My father used to put pressure on me when I was in my early 20s. Even though he had two granddaughters at the time, he wanted someone to carry on the family name. He really tried to guilt me over it. It didn’t help that at the time I wasn’t even dating.
He’s since stopped. And my mother has never put pressure on me. and being that they now have 5 grandkids (one of whom is a man) and one great grandchild, the pressure has come to a complete halt.
I reinforced my position to them yesterday after having spent 24 hours with my GF’s kids and an infant. I’ve really come to appreciate living alone.
My parents NEVER would have pushed this topic, but I have two aunts who have made it their business to do it. They started asking eight months after we were married why I wasn’t pregnant yet.
And now at this stage in my life, middle aged and single again, they want to know if/who I am dating. I think at this year’s family reunion I am going to tell them that I think I’m gay. My brothers and cousins are in on it and can’t wait. (I’m sorry if this offends anyone. It’s not intended as such.)
It is bad enough when people ask “Are you having children?” It is damn rude when they ask you WHY you don’t. Could there be a more inappropriately personal question?
We married rather young (I was 18 and still in college), so it was easy enough at first to just say I’d like to finish school before even thinking about it. After 9 years of marriage, 2 years of sort of trying and a year of fertility diagnosis and treatment it was horribly depressing when my MIL’s biddy friends made these comments. I fantasized about rude responses, but never actually made these remarks:
“Oh, didn’t you know? <Husband> has trouble performing.”
“Since we both have syphilis it’s probably not a good idea.”
“<Husband> prefers anal sex, so it’s pretty much out of the question.”
Or you could say “My husband and I have made a commitment to save ourselves.” While they try to figure out why a married couple would be preserving their virginity you can make your escape.
I have three kids, the first two of whom are just entering puberty. The mere thought of either of them having grandkids sends me into a fit of terror.
15 years from now, I’ll probably be OK with it, but not now. And, to be honest, I don’t care if they have kids themselves. I hope they do, if they want them. And I will enjoy being Granddad, but I don’t feel compelled to force them to breed just to get grandkids.
My mother went and got herself a couple of grandchildren without even consulting my sister or me on the matter. She was an elementary school teacher, and a couple of her former students just sort of formed a bond with her. She does all the standard grandmotherly things with them, and they look at her about the same way any grandkids do.
She’s since had three grandchildren through more conventional means (from my sister), and will hopefully eventually have more (from me), and she treats them grandmotherly, too. But I guess she just didn’t want to wait.
I love this!
If anyone asks you why you don’t have children, you can always say “Why would you want to produce one of those?” Though the best answer is “None of your damn business.”
My father was way over the top on this one at one point. Neither my sister nor I (no other siblings) plan on having kids. At one point, Dad told my brother-in-law that they were committing genetic suicide. Dad asked my SO’s mother to try to pressure us (thankfully, she declined). It got so bad I dreaded seeing my parents. Dad brought it up every single time. After the episode with my SO’s mother, I sat my parents down in my living room, and I explained that this would not come up again. Ok, explained is to weak. I told them. They were currently welcome to visit me any time, but if grandkids came up again, they would not be welcome any more. I’ve had to remind dad of that conversation a couple of times, but he seems to have gotten the idea.
I’ve always wanted kids, and my parents have always assumed I’ve wanted kids, so I suppose it’s become a non-issue for my family. I don’t know how they would react if I changed my mind. They probably wouldn’t care, since I have a brother who wants kids as well, and the family is carried through the male line anyway.
I’m bearing down on 30 this year, still single, never brought anyone home to meet the parents. No real urge to pass my genes on due to the cheapass warranty on my body running out, and to the mind-boggling responsibility of a kid.
They’ve mentioned it with “You’re going to need kids to take care of you when you’re old!” but haven’t harrassed me to find a good Chinese boy. Much. Actually, much as I joke about it, they did give me the bit of information that some auntie at their church wanted to introduce her nephew to me, with a chuckle, so maybe they won’t be completely insane about it. Here’s hoping.
I have kids, so no further pressure there.
My parents put absolutely ZERO pressure on me to provide them with grandkids, and as far as I know didn’t pester either of my married brothers, either. In my case, it would have meant my reproducing with the utter loser I married (oh the horrors). When the time came to break the news, I told my sisters-in-law before the parents, and quipped to one SIL “Guess they’ll have to admit we’re sleeping together, huh?”.
My mother-in-law, however… :rolleyes: VERY pushy about it, even when I very foolishly told her that my husband was not so sure he ever wanted kids. To the point where - and I kid you not - she started asking him “have you reconsidered?” and I interrupted with “This is a really sensitive subject and I’d rather we not discuss it”. Her response was “But I’m not asking you, I’m asking him”. :mad: It’s the only time I’ve ever been furiously angry at this normally perceptive person.
A good friend of mine, when she came out to her parents, got a moment of thoughtful silence, and then her mother asked, “Will there still be grandchildren?”
“Probably.”
“Okay, then.”
This, apparently, was her only concern.
(Said friend and her partner have yet to spawn. I don’t know if Mom is leaning on them or not.)
Hmm, maybe it’s different for those of the female persuasion.
My sister the lesbian has a biological daughter, raised her first partner’s three daughters, and now has legally adopted the two daughters her second partner gave birth to during their relationship. I also have a brother with an adopted son plus his own biological twin daughters (surprise!).
A person I work with has stated that my sister’s adopted daughters are not my nieces, but my brother’s adopted son is my nephew. Go figure.