“jacking off” or “jerking off”?
“Time sure flies when you’re young and jerkin’ off.”
-Jim Carroll, The Basketball Diaries.
Hey, let’s not forget about ‘cranking the Hog’
I personally refer to it as “taking a bath.” Guess I’m not big on beds, eh? 
Actually, I had expected to see “fellatio” rather than masturbation. It’s more often misspelled. But then again, we don’t all do that, so I guess I was way off base. 
LL
How could you forget “stirring the soup”?
Male: Wankin’.
Female: Rubbin’ the nubbin.
Choking the bald man until he pukes!
“Masturbation…can be fun.
Join the holy orgy, Kama Sutra…everyone!” - Hair
You’re right after struuter, and I actually wrote ssskkuggiii’s mash note tonight… I’m back in production!
Since Chef Troy started this thread, how about we call it…
Flambé the creme caramel.
Ladies and gents, break out your blowtorches…
Hand startin’ the purple-headed yogurt thrower.
Can’t breathe… Too… Funny…
Now here’s a brief musical interlude(courtesy of The Man Show):
Whip It Out At The Ball Game
(to the tune of Take Me Out To The Ball Game)
Whip it out at the ball game,
Wave it around at the crowd.
Dip it in peanuts and cracker jacks,
It doesn’t matter if you give it a whack.
So, it’s spank your flank at the ball game,
If you don’t come its a shame.
So it’s one, two, you’re covered in goo,
at the old ball game.
Men: Test-firing the love rocket
Women: Flippin’ the switch
Give us a break. That’s a hard word to type using only one hand!
The Brunching Shuttlecocks did an excellent feature on the spelling of “orgams”.
The thing that annoys me most is people who jump into threads to correct your grammer.
Orgams should be orgasm.
Oh, and grammer should be grammar.
“Cunnilingus” was my first thought.
heh…now that everyone’s coming up with euphemisms for female masturbation, I feel compelled to post the one a friend of mine came up with in high school, which cracked me up like you wouldn’t believe:
Gagging the trout.
I once worked in an area that had a lot of draftsmen who used India ink drafting pens.
Someone put a sign up in the restroom: “Do Not Clean Your Pens In The Sink!”.
Someone else added an “i”.
It’s just hard to type with one hand.