A Skaldthetical without superheroes, magic, or hot chicks, who’d a thunk it. Except that some of y’all are hot chicks, of course, or may have friends who are hot chicks. I don’t know, I only have 47% of the Teeming Millions under visual surveillance at any given time. Anyhoo…
Here’s the sitch. it’s a bright day, breezy, pleasant day, so you and one of your dearest and able-bodied friends (decide exactly whom for your ownself) decide to take a walk in the park. Fifteen minutes into said walk (and long after you’ve seen anyone who might be described as a cop), a crazy person (slightly but not hugely bigger than you) attacks you without provocation or warning. So unexpected is this blitz that you are overwhelmed, and only by the intervention of two other parkgoers a few minutes later do you escape lethal injury. The persons who come to your rescu do NOT include your friend. Your friend retreated to a safe distance, yelled for help, and called 911, but neither picked up a stick and came to your defense nor joined in when the rescuers came to your aid.
Do you feel betrayed by your friend? Why or why not? If yes, can you remain friends with this person afterward?
And now, as a bonus, imagine it was your friend who was attacked rather than you. Irrespective of your answer to the first part of the hypo, how likely do you judge yourself to use violence to defend your friend? If you believe you would not have done so, is your forbearance due to principle, practicality, or pusillanimity?
This part is understandable if the guy is armed, or enormous, or otherwise in such a state as my friend would be reasonably convinced that coming to my aid would be futile and likely dangerous. If it’s just your average joe, not so much.
I could probably understand the shock of a random attack causing him to not join in immediately, but when others show up and start to help and he just stands there, I’m not going to be happy.
Betrayed is a strong word. Disappointed and angry seem to fit better. I could probably stay friends with them but he’s not getting any big favors anytime soon.
I’ve waded into fistfights for friends before, although that was admittedly in high school, so I am reasonably confident that I would help out if I felt I could improve the outcome (ie, if the dude is waving a katana at my friend, trying to tackle him ain’t happening, but if it’s just a smelly bum, I’d probably bum rush (ha!) the hobo).
Some people are cowardly, and others are weak. This is okay – not everyone has to be a hero. But if someone was strong and did nothing, or made themselves out to be a protector but stood still, my opinion of them would certainly change. It really depends on my preexisting view of my friend’s physical ability and courage. That’s not a very satisfactory response, of course, but equivocation is how most hypotheticals are answered.
As for myself, I’d certainly consider it a failing if I didn’t act to protect those who are weaker than myself. We should all strive to hold ourselves to higher standards than we ask for others.
People do all kinds of unexpected things in a crisis. I really won’t hold it against them.
Personally, I’d be more disappointed that I got into the fight myself. I have a very long track record of staring down would-be attackers before it even becomes a fight.
The hyipothetical you didn’t get into a fight. THY was attacked without warning or provocation and got beat up. Unless you have some sort of mutant teleportation power I don’t know about – wait, hold on.
:: activates dracoi-cam, checks bio-sensors and tech-monitor :
You don’t have the power to teleport, nor a Trek-style personal transporter thingie on your person, so getting into the fight – really, getting beat up – was entirely not your fault. Only [del]Donald Trump[/del] Jenny McCarthy could disagree.
I’d feel betrayed and disappointed, even if it wasn’t logical to do so, and I probably would have trouble remaining friends afterwards.
I know I’d probably - foolishly - jump into the fight, if they were being attacked. I’m not really a good fighter or anything but I’ve always been quick to jump into it, even with people bigger than me. I don’t think age has brought that much wisdom.
I’d feel betrayed. I have a military type mindset with my friends where we back someone up, even if they kinda have it coming. It may not be rational, but it is there.
Of the first half dozen friends meeting your criteria that came to mind, I’d only expect three of them to physically intervene. Violence just isn’t in the others nature and they really wouldn’t know where to begin. So while they would feel bad about hanging back, I wouldn’t hold it against them. If the first three didn’t step in, they’d have some splainin to do later.
If it were my friend being attacked, then yes, I’m going to kick someone in the side of the head. Maybe even several sides.
Of course I got dressed in the dark, I want you to have the inconvenience of having to watch in infrared while I slide my boxers on.
I wouldn’t say violence is in most people’s nature (then again, I think most people are generally not total assholes), but that doesn’t preclude people from helping out.
It really depends on which friend e’re talking about. I’m friends with some very small women, and if one of them declined to get into a fist fight on my behalf, I’d understand. But if it’s one of my male friends, all of whom are bigger than I am, I’ll certainly think less of them if they run away screaming for help.
As a small woman myself, I’ll probably join the fray once I arm myself with a big stick or something.
Would my friend be an attractive woman and would there be a reasonable hope of getting laid for saving her? That might change my performance. I might get all protective out of some deep seated … male … thing.
I would not expect anyone to intervene in any fight I got into, except for a uniformed cop.
My best friend is a dude who is fairly studly, somewhat fearless and quite loyal. We became black belts together. I would be shocked if he didn’t help me, and somewhat hurt. But he’s my BFF and he’d give me a believable reason for not helping (like “I was scared too!”) and I’d forgive him for it.
My other BFF is his wife and she is not fairly studly (although she can be a tough broad) and if she didn’t help me it’d be ok.
I’d be seriously pissed at any of my cousins - who are all grown men and fairly strong fellas - who didn’t help, but most anyone else I know would get a pass.
No, I’m not arguing that I really could avoid a fight if some crazy person jumped me out of nowhere. Just that if they did, I’d be very disappointed. I would no longer be able to brag about my ability to finagle my way out of fights.
In elementary school, for example, a bully jumped on my back and I calmly walked over toward the playground monitor. He figured out that he’d get in trouble and so jumped off and left.
In Jr High, the kid who was going to beat me up after shop class was talked out of it by his friend. Apparently, I have big wrists and that means something.
In High School gym class, two bullies even attracted a whole crowd who started chanting “fight fight fight” but I was able to point out that they needed a better way to address their emotional insecurities because beating me up when I refused to fight back would only make them look stupid and cowardly. I kid you not, that actually worked.
I would feel betrayed. Especially since most of my friends are former Marines and are mostly made of up “likes to fight” guys. If you take a shot at one of us you’ve just taken us all on. No questions asked.
To be certain, we DO NOT swagger around like thugs or bullies and would MUCH prefer to walk away.
My best friend and I have faced enough drunks and crazies that I have no doubt of his courage. If he did not help me , it would only be because he was confident I could handle the situation myself. If that proved not to be the case, I would feel that I had let him down.
Meh. I can be friends with a person knowing they are not the type to step into harm’s way. Would I be disappointed? Probably, but if we’re friends I would hope I know you well enough to anticipate what’s going to happen in that scenario.