There’s always the option of smiling fondly at him and agreeing in a patronizing way (perhaps while chuckling a little). This will be useful practice for dealing with the temper tantrums a two-year-old will have when he’s over-tired.
Shatner Shmatner. R. Lee Fuckin’ Ermey.
I think bursting into tears would have sent the right signals. Maybe a bit of quivering bottom lip and manfully holding it back during the rant, before the dam bursts at the end, for that extra verisimilitude.
Men who make a big deal about looking manly, and doing manly things useally have some deeprooted doubts about their own "toughness ", and no I don’t mean about their own sexuallity, but how "hard " they are when it comes to the crunch.
You are obviously self confident enough not to have to play those silly games.
Though you might want to mention this to your dad, as it sounds like he’s the one with the problem.
Alternatively, it could be that he just wanted to start an argument and chose this subject as the most convenient excuse to do so.
The fact is that you’re an independant, working, adult male with his own family, so its not down to your father to lecture you about anything .
Don’t feel bad. It was supposed to be amusing. If I’d been looking for advice I’d have gone into IMHO.
Lots of planets have a north!
Has your dad maybe turned into Yiayia?
You know, having dealt with my own father’s occasional batshit whargarble, I’m going to point out something I think has been missed:
It’s possible Skald’s dad is showing some signs of dementia.
Skald has mentioned before that his father has accused him of stealing, that he used to be if not completely reasonable at least consistent and somewhat predictable, and that there wasn’t as much anger.
Dementia - aside from turning family life into a shitstorm of Cthullhian proportions - is sneaky. One day you look around and wonder what the fuck happened to the person you knew, the one you used to be able to hold conversations with, the one who - if he did get angry - was able to express it in remotely mature ways, the one who had filters that usually caught the really bad stuff. And then you realize that for the last two years, that person has been steadily eroding until only the reptile brain peeks through.
If that’s what you’re dealing with, Skald, you have my deepest sympathies. I’ll put together a care package of canned peaches, LEGOs, and Doctor Who videos for you.
I would have a serious discussion with the spousal unit about
-
limiting Dad’s access to the kids - severely. They don’t need to be around someone like that.
-
keep her yap shut when he is around.
I would also have a serious talk with yourself. Learn this phrase: “Dad, shut the fuck up. I don’t need to hear crap like that from you.” Use as needed.
They can do so, but they take the risk that it will make things worse, not better. Especially in an area where the breach of politeness, especially to one’s elders, will be seen as a rather great offense. What, you don’t think Dad’s not going to go around telling others what happened, do you? At least family will be told. And, even family that otherwise hates Dad will take his side for some reason. At least, that’s how it’s always happened in my family.
Being reasonable and limiting contact may not be as immediate a solution, but it has a lower chance of backfiring. There’s no single incident that’s considered impolite
My dad’s an irrational right-wing pain in the ass who makes deliberately provocative statements in order to control the conversation. Unfortunately for him, I’m a grown-up now and can call him on his shit. I’m also smart enough to have figured out how he does things and deflect his attacks.
My visits with him are much more pleasant for both of us since I started setting boundaries. When he gets started on some rant about “damn liberals” or similar, I say something like, “Dad, we’re not going to discuss that. Find another topic of conversation. We’re not going to have an argument, but I’m not going to sit here and listen to your rant.”
The first few times I had to warn him that if he persisted I was going to walk out. I’ve only had to actually do it twice to get the point across. (He’s stubborn and not all that bright.) It’s like dealing with a fractious child. Set boundaries. State consequences. Follow through. Be consistent.
Part of being a man — a real man, not a macho posturing asshole — is handling unpleasant situations firmly and decisively, with minimal unpleasantness. If you’re letting him control your interactions with him instead of meeting on mutual ground, you’re not acting like an adult. I know that you’re joking about running away, but it’s a sign that you’re avoiding dealing with the problem and so abdicating responsibility for it.
Y’know, at one point, my dad was worried that I might be gay, too. I told him that he could be certain that I was not, because if I were, I would have no compunction about admitting it. That was one of the very few times I’ve ever managed to leave him speechless.
The irony, of course, is that Dad himself was gay, or at least bisexual. Which of course he never admitted even to himself-- He was just sexually tempted by men, that doesn’t mean that he was gay.