As just a little sub-plot in one of the episodes, the team comes across a whole squad of Russians whose sole job appears to be stealing washing machines. They surrender when tempted with an offer to move to Kiev and become washing machine repairmen. One of our team quips “They decided to come clean”
There’s a scene where they come across a perfectly normal public laundromat, but it’s shot like they’re entering The Promised Land. “Washers and dryers, as far as the eye can see…”
At least every other episode needs to end with Putin shaking his fist impotently and saying, “Zelenskyyyyyy!”
As we anticipate the Season 2 opening episode, rumors are swirling that the producers want to make the show “grittier” and “more realistic!”
Season 2 opens with the the Team just returned from several months advanced training with the best special forces teams in the world, which includes Airborne operations. As they arrive in Kyiv, they get orders to plan an attack on a key Russian industrial site just over the border. They’re going to parachute in, take out the facility, and then escape and evade back to safety in Ukraine.
The episode focuses on the planning for the operation; creating mock-ups of the facility, running training missions to plan the step-by-step assault on the facility, interspersed with a voice-over bit showing what it will “really” be like, which is filmed on-site, and shows the team “really doing the mission”, but it’s all speculative.
And the Russians they face, these aren’t the drunken orcs of season 1! These guys can fight. As the team trains, they run into problems, “This corridor is a killing zone, we need to find a way around it!”
At the same time, we see the pilots planning the route to the facility. It’s critical to avoid the Russian anti-aircraft defenses, and so the route isn’t a simple one. But there’s a problem, there’s a battery dedicated specifically to defending this facility from exactly the sort of attack they’re planning. They have to get within its range if the team is going to reach the facility using parachutes. The missiles use proximity fusing, so even a near-miss could take out the plane. Radar jamming can make their job harder, but there’s no way to guarantee the defenses won’t be able to hit them. “It’s risky, but that’s the job, men. We have a mission!”
Finally, the time has come for the real attack. With only a few minutes left in the episode, everyone at home is now expecting a “To Be Continued…” title card.
The aircraft finally approaches the drop zone. Drama ensues as the air defenses keep getting a radar lock, but losing it after just a second or two. But then they get a good lock, and missiles are coming right at them! The pilots scream to get the team off the plane, go go gogogo!
The Team leader is the last one out the door. As his chute deploys, the missiles are so close, he gets hit by their back blast, which spins him around as they zoom past, so he sees them also zoom right past the plane, run out of fuel, and fall right down on the facility, causing a massive explosion. The Russians forgot to program the proximity fuses.
The episode ends with the Team floating down to the ground under their parachutes, watching as the facility burns below them, with lots of poorly-dressed Russians running around making ineffective attempts at containing the fire. The team leader heaves a great Slavic sigh, “Oh, Those Russians…”
In a strange Season Two episode, which will eventually be referred to in hushed tones as “The Weird One” by fans decades later, The Team is tasked to attack an airfield deep inside Russia, but in a sci-fi twist, an actual UFO swoops in and blasts the runway with a Heat Ray as the team looks on in wonder and confusion. As the UFO buzzes the team on its way out, the team leader starts cursing them out, “Goddamnit, now they’re never going to believe me, you little green sons of bitches!”
And if you pause the film at juuuust the right place, you can see in the UFO pilot’s seat… Elvis.
A pair of commandos are on a mission to take out a colonel. They sneak up on the command post to find the colonel lying outside bleeding from his leg. One of the commandos takes off his belt and cinches it around the colonel’s leg to stop the bleeding. They get up and start to walk away. The colonel shouts, “Help me, I’m dying here!” The other commando looks back and says, “Dying is easy, Ukraine is hard.” Cut to a shot of Volodymyr at his desk, rolling his eyes and doing a facepalm.
These are so good.
How do we fit in the NAFO meme doggie?
I’d like an episode in which the Russian soldiers attempt to use the hot water setting, on their stolen washing machine, to make coffee or soup or something. Of course it’s a failure since there is no power or gas.
They do get some diesel fuel (stolen from a Russian tank), and use it to power an old generator to power the washing machine to heat water to make coffee. The old generator then explodes, destroying the entire camp. Scene ends with Ukrainian farmer towing away the fuel-less Russian tank with his tractor.
The entire episode, there’s a camping stove just sitting in the background, unnoticed by the Russians.
Which reminds me, at least once every third episode the commandos have to get hopelessly lost but find their way to the target by following the parade of Ukrainian farmers towing away Russian equipment.
What about the time they actually blew up a Russian tank, unaware of the tractor towing it? “Godammit, I was going to get a tax break on that!” the farmer yells.
Close, but no. again, the Ukrainians are supposed to be competent, but undone by Russian stupidity.
The Farmer is following The Team in his tractor, expecting that he’ll be able to easily collect a few tanks after The Team mops up the Russians.
As he watches the Russians blowing up their own tanks, he tosses his hat to the ground, cursing in the Ukrainian equivalent of “Authentic Frontier Gibberish”.
Guys…I think he’s onto us.
In the new interview with David Letterman (on Netflix), Zelenskyy himself tells the following joke:
10/10. No notes.
Hehehe, he’s onto us, and I think he may have better writers.
ETA, and dang, he’s got good timing. For however long the link lasts:
The Unit is sent to disrupt the Russians’ big “USO”-style show planned for Christmas Eve 2022. It’s an elaborate, “Eurovision” song-and-dance number dedicated to the courage and skill of the Russian soldier. The Team plans to slowly infiltrate the back of the audience, and then attack the stage just as the show reaches a climax.
However, due to bad planning, a massive pyrotechnics display goes off at the exact same time as the Russian Airforce is doing a flyby. Thinking he’s under attack, the Russian pilot begins strafing the crowd, killings hundreds before mis-judging his altitude, and crashing into the parking lot, destroying dozens of parked armored fighting vehicles.
As panicked Russians stampede out of the stadium, the Team gathers in the shelter of a large Vodka dispensary. “Well, at least we can get drunk this time…”
Excellent setup. Allows for lots of footage of interesting-looking performers, maybe some backstage shenanigans or rehearsal bloopers. What could go wrong while Sergei is juggling knives and a half-full vodka bottle?
Gotta have an older lady with garish makeup and trained poodles.
And things keep almost going wrong with the performances themselves, but righting themselves by sheer dumb luck, so we keep wondering “Is this going to be this episode’s screw-up?”.
Zelenskyy calls the leader into his office. He for once wants the straight scoop.
“How did you guys set the Russian Aircraft Carrier on fire? You’re not even a naval unit!”
“That’s what I keep trying to tell you! They do it to themselves, every time!”
“Fine, fine, keep your secrets. I can’t stay mad at you, you scamp!”
Getting Zelenskyy past the snipers, MiGs and missiles to Washington would make a great caper movie.
Meme photo of Zelenskyy being handed the Capital flag. Flew all the way around the world. for. A flag in a box. 