Zombieland; Add your own Rules

Cafe Society
1

Inspired by Columbus’s Rules for Surviving Zombieland I propose we add our own rules

these rules should be general enough to be useful in ANY emergency/Post Apocalyptic World situation…

Columbus’s Rules;
running gag, and a central plot theme throughout the movie is Columbus’ list of rules for surviving in the zombie-infested world. By the end of the movie, his list has thirty-two rules though only some of them are mentioned. A series of non-canonical promotional videos starring Woody Harrelson and Jesse Eisenberg have expanded on the list.

  1. Cardio
  2. Beware of bathrooms.
  3. Seatbelts
  4. Double tap
  5. Don’t be a hero
  6. Limber up
  7. Plan your escape
  8. Check the back seat
  9. Enjoy the little things

My addition;
Rule 42; Don’t Discard Your Weapon, just because you’ve run out of ammo in your primary weapon, it’s not completely useless, you can reload the weapon, or scavenge ammo, if your primary weapon is an impact/bludgeon/cutting/slicing/stabbing weapon, there is no reason to discard it unless it breaks

Tallahassee is a big offender in this movie, he discards his crowbar after trashing the minivan, and discards a baseball bat and a pair of hedge clippers after offing a single zombie with each weapon, these weapons can be used and re-used until they break, they’re not single-serving weapons

2

Actually, discarding these weapons makes sense to me, and is one of the very few ways in which the characters in Zombieland are smarter than those in most zombie movies. Folks, zombie blood and fluids are insanely dangerous. If you get them in your mouth, or up your nose, or exposed to any mucus membrane or broken skin, you’re likely to end up a zombie. Sure, you could clean a machete after using it to hack away at the living dead - but if you’re reasonably confident you can find another one easily, or another weapon that’s just as good, you’d be crazy to risk mucking about with zombie bio-waste.

3

Good point, but a little Purel on a rag would work well for wiping down impact/bludgeon weapons and making them usable again, and it looks like Columbus has plenty of Purel available… :wink:

Thought of more rules;

Rule 35; Bayonets, Bayonets, Bayonets! If a long arm has the capability for mounting a Bayonet (or other stabbing weapon), one should be mounted at all times

In the scene where Wichita and Little Rock are trapped on the Drop Tower ride and out of ammo, and the zombies are climbing it, having a bayonet mounted to Wichita’s shotgun would have allowed her to stab the zombies climbing the tower, or cut them enough to make them let go (cut the tendons in the arms)

obviously, once they get off the tower, it’s a given that the bayo would need to be sanitized (Purel anyone?) :wink:

Rule 36; Sanitize, sanitize SANITIZE! any cutting/impact weapon that has been contaminated with zombie fluids must be sanitized after use

Rule 5; Maintain Quarantine Procedures when encountering someone who wishes to join the established group, they must first be screened for bites/cuts, after being screened, they will be allowed into the group on a probationary basis until it’s clear they are uninfected, once it is clear they are uninfected , they may be a full member of the group

if an established member of the group has a Close Quarter encounter with a zombie, or remarks that “they almost bit me”, that member must immediately be rescreened and put back into quarantine status until it is clear they are uninfected

Rule 6; The Trojan Zombie if a member of the group has become infected, they must leave the group, and they must draw as many zombies away from the group as possible/stay behind to defend the group’s retreat, before taking their own life

4

Rule 7; Stay the hell away from big cities, medium cities, small cities, highways, etc. Anyplace that used to have alot of people now has alot of zombies. Highways have lots of zombies still trapped in their cars (granted they probally can’t figure out how to unbuckle, but can still reach out and grab you).

Rule 8; Do not enter a hospital for any reason whatsoever. There is nothing inside that could possibley be worth the risk. Lots of sick, dying, and injured people = lots of zombies. They would quikly be overun in the chaos at the start of the outbreak. Ditto for nursing homes.

5

I agree that these places are dangerous - but if you need antibiotics, and you aren’t near a pharmacy or supermarket that hasn’t been looted, then you need to hit the hospital.

A slightly better rule, covering both hospitals and cities, might be:

Stay away from places likely to have large numbers of zombies in tight quarters, unless avoiding these places will probably result in your death.

6

Rule 56: Don’t turn on the power or things could turn sour.

Rule 85: Be quiet or be dinner.

Rule 92: If you want 'em dead, aim for the head.

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  1. Leather up. Leather jackets, pants, boots, and gloves are all bite proof. Cotton kills.
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  1. Islands are your friend.

These, and most other zombies, chase noise. Circle a small island in a boat while blasting Here I Am by The Scorpions. A great number of zombie inhabitants will run to the beaches were you can pick them off from a safe distance - even if they can swim.

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52; Don’t look or act like the infected/zombies Yes, playing a practical joke on a particularly nervous/neurotic member of the group may be all but irresistible, but when said member of the group has a easily accessible shotgun and an itchy trigger finger, bad things can (and probably will) happen…

10

They are your friends but don’t use that to slack off though. Always keep on the lookout for any zombies which may surface, even years after you haven’t seen one.

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Rule #70 - watch where you sleep. make sure u check your perimeter with extreme detail before u lay your head down anywhere. never sleep out
side…

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Rule 51½ Build a perimeter fence along the beach. Needless to say a casual swim is out of the question (unless of course you have a shark cage).

13

Rule 51½ Build a perimeter fence along the beach. Needless to say a casual swim is out of the question (unless of course you have a shark cage).

Rule 51½ Build a perimeter fence along the beach. Needless to say a casual swim is out of the question (unless of course you have a shark cage).

Rule 51½ Build a perimeter fence along the beach. Needless to say a casual swim is out of the question (unless of course you have a shark cage).

14

I thought rule 2 was the double tap rule.

15

When selecting firearms, favor high capicity weapons, as an alternative, ensure access to speedloaders or multiple low capicity weapons. Favor weapons in common ammunition types, and consider maintaining the capacity gpr reloading and fabricating ammunition.

16

Nevermind. Funny the tricks the mind plays.