Geeks love them… why?
Because Ninjas have Real Ultimate Power, and play bitchin guitars. Man.
As for monkeys…you gotta love the Monkeys.
Where’s the love, cainixith, where’s the love for da monkeys?
Who the *fuck * likes monkeys? I hate those damn little rats with tails. Nobody who likes monkeys has ever seen a monkey snatch an ice cream cone right out of your three year old cousin’s hand, making him cry and cry.
Ninjas are way cool. Not as cool as samurai, who in turn are not as cool as knights (in my book) but still up there.
Zombies? Could not care less.
But pirates, man…pirates are sexy. Pirate men are sexy. And this was before Johnny Depp, even though I love Johhny Depp.
I won’t deny that you can’t not like a monkey. And ninja’s are kickass.
The question is… why these four above all others? Why not cowboys, robots, vampires, and bears? Why!
Ninjas are cool. What can you say? Boingie, boingie, hy-yah. You get to be the karate kid for a living. We all loved the karate kid, right? Geeky kid standing up to bullies? Gets the girl? Ring any bells?
Zombies, well, I think we’d all come out the worse after a scrap with a werewolf or vampire, but I reckon we could handle a zombie. Not a horde of zombies, but one guy we could handle, making us feel dead tough. Plus, they go down like the hindenberg, with more splat. So you question should be, why do we like gore?
Monkeys are damn cute, but apart from that, their agility and strength are all attractive qualities. Plus, they just lie around all day. Whats not to envy? And therefore, whats not to like?
Pirates, well, I personally don’t like pirates, so I cant say… maybe the voice? Arrr!
Vampires, Bears and Robots all have negative stimulus for a lot of people.
For example, once you achieve the level of Buffy hatred I’m on, nothing vampire-related can be cool anymore. Same thing for Smokey the Bear and Aibo.
Facts:
- Ninjas are mammals.
- Ninjas fight ALL the time.
- The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people.
Ninjas are sooooooooooo sweet that I want to crap my pants. I can’t believe it sometimes, but I feel it inside my heart. These guys are totally awesome and that’s a fact. Ninjas are fast, smooth, cool, strong, powerful, and sweet. I can’t wait to start yoga next year. I love ninjas with all of my body (including my pee pee).
Copyright 2005, RealUltimatePower.net, and Robert Hamburger
Why not combine the four? That’s sounds like fun.
(sung to the tune to the theme song of the 1980s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon)
Zombie Ninja Pirate Monkeys
Zombie Ninja Pirate Monkeys
Zombie Ninja Pirate Monkeys
Undead with an eyepatch! Monkey Power!
Ninjas: Represent an attainment of physical skill that most geeks can only dream of;
Pirates: Represent an anarchic lifestyle that’s completely at odds with most geeks’ office-bound lifestyle;
Monkeys: Represent just how far we’ve come, by virtue of using our brains and a healthy dose of scientifically-proven evolution – a simian memento mori, if you would;
Zombies: Represent the sort of monster that a geek could probably be able to vanquish if push came to shove. Hand-to-hand combat is inadvisable, and in the films, it’s (almost) always the clever ones that don’t get consumed.
It’s all about archetypes, folks! 
I thought it was Monkey, Ninja, Pirate, Robot myself.
Monkey!
How can you not love monkeys? They’re too busy singing to put anybody down.
Zombies: Doom
Ninjas: Street Fighter II
Pirates: Monkey Island
Monkeys: Monkey Island
Look behind you, a three headed monkey!
I think you’re overstating the love for the monkey.
Geeks aren’t the ones who love monkeys. Its more the realm of the dumbass. Homer simpson loves Monkeys, it doesn’t get much more basic than that.
I don’t think Zombies are so beloved either, mostly it’s just that zombies are the connon fodder in all of geeks favorite games. Would you love something that was so easy to destroy?
Ninjas and Pirates however, that along with Knights, make up the holy triumvarite of geekdom.
I think cyborgs fill a certain lesser level of facination. Perhaps out stripping pirates for those asexual geeks who don’t appreciate the fun of rape, pilliage and plunder.
Because Geeks are more intune with their youthful sides. They like video games and toys and comics and employ their imaginations more that the average person.
I would actually take Monkey out and replace it with Robot. Monkeys are more of a general “comedy” archtype rather than geek. And since geeks are usually FAR funnier than the average person… monkeys get attached to geeks.
Pirates are just cool. No alarm clocks, no schedule full of make-work, no browbeating from some inbred freak who is only boss because daddy own the company. No rush hour traffic. You want to go somewhere? Just weigh anchor, hoist the sails and go. Did someone DARE to bring a clock aboard? Throw him and the clock overboard to the sharks. Did some scurvy dog not use a respectful enough tone of voice? Keelhaul the lubber. Plus, there’s gold, jewels, and all the rum and grog you can stand. Nobody telling you that you have to shave. No taxes. No bills. Every problem can be solved with a broadside or a cutlass. Arr a priate’s life fer me. Yarharr.
Ninja and samurai have to serve a master. A pirate be havin’ none o’ that there servin’
Ninjas are sweet. Concerning monkeys, Dane Cook sums it up the best.
“If I had a monkey, I would give it a suit of armor and a sword. So we could fight. How stoked would you be if you knew that somewhere in your apartment there was a monkey ready to fight you.”
But no self respecting geek likes ordinary samurai. Ronin man, that’s where it’s at. Freelance badassery. Righting wrongs in a stoic style, then off into the sunset. Like a cowboy with a bow and a sword. Swords and bows are much cooler than 6 shooters. Plus you get to wear a bitchin’ helmet instead of a boring hat.
India?
You know…the Dread Pirate Roberts could do with an exotic and powerful sexy concubine such as yourself…Would you like to see my patch?
Ever notice those flying monkeys on The Wizard of Oz? They’ve got kind of a spooky, undead look about them, wire-fight like a ninja, and mauraud like pirates. I knew there was a reason I love that flick!
Because they’re cute and funny. And you can train them to be your loyal army of axe-wielding fanatics.
Though I hate squirrls.
Good question–Mr. Frail’s been trying to get a Lumberjack craze going on. Meself, I’m a busty pirate wench. Arrrr!
Pirates are just fun. It’s an ages-old stereotype and though it’s kind of goofy (striped shirts, eyepatches), it’s still badass. Plus, pirates drink a lot.
I think the geek-zombie connection comes from the geek-B horror movie connection. There’s an interesting mental challenge inherent in the concept of the zombie attack. How do you stay safe? How do you kill an exponentially increasing population? There are only so many ways to avoid the zombies…