Sex advice for someone who has no clue (possible TMI)

[flood]

I've been with my girlfriend a long time. But it wasn't until recently that we started fooling around alot more than usual. The thing is, my girlfriend does everything for me (oral sex and the like), but she doesn't like for me to do anything to her. For instance, she doesn't like to receive oral or even like to get fingered. I feel bad because there isn't anything she'll let me do. Which brings me to my two questions:

1. What does this say about me (if anything) or is it completely her own thing?

2. What (barring intercourse) can I do for her if she won't let me do stuff like that?

I do want to please her and I'm at a loss. Any suggestions are welcome.

[friedo]

Why don't you ask her?

[flood]

Originally posted by friedo
Why don't you ask her?

[roadrunner70]

I am so fighting the urge to be smartass...

My suggestion would be to...ask her. Communication is key to a successful, mutually enjoyable relationship. If you guys have been together for a while, as you state in the OP, then this shouldn't be a problem. Right?

[MissBungle]

Have you EVER seen her downthere, or touched her downthere?

maybe there is something she is embarrassed about.
perhaps she isn't "normal" or doesn't think she is normal downthere.

I think it's called dry humping - where you move, thrusting and grinding WITH clothes on. it's good for a girl. even though there's clothes on and no penetration, the friction from your hips will most likely make her clit really happy.

maybe some massages.
bath together
even with clothes on, you can grind your knee in her croth while you are kissing her. it's kinda nice... and she could keep her clothes on

i dont know if this is what you were looking for.. but best wishes

[lieu]

Originally posted by MissBungle

...even with clothes on, you can grind your knee in her croth while you are kissing her. it's kinda nice... and she could keep her clothes on

Of course you don't want to elevate the rest of your body from the pressure. I'm sure MissBungle is referring to a "gentle" grinding.

[Medea's Child]

First, engage communication! Tell her that you want to make her happy and are worried that she's doing all the giving. Ask her if there is anything she wants to try and be open to trying it. Tell her things you'd like to try. Do all of this with clothes on in a place where none of it will be implimented immediately. You're aiming for a no pressure, comforting environment.

Second, is she new to sexual activity? She could be scared or nervous and you just need to let her know that she can trust you. It can be a lot of new, different and scary feelings at first.

But yea, ask her, talk with her. Tell her what you are worried about. Honesty is the best.

[Belrix]

Perhaps a sex toy or two? Lingerie? Body lotions? Massage Oils? Anything to add something that's different but still safe.

Get a nice catalog of stuff, Xandria springs to mind (Website) and pick something out together.

The together part is really important.

[Yorikke]

I'm not necessarily one to pile on with a similar answer, but That's what I'm doing.

ASK HER what's up. If you have a real relationship, (and theoretically, you should, after "a long time") She will open up to you. If there are issues (sexual abuse, whatever) that she can't reveal to her, she may need therapy. It can help.

hrh

[Gatopescado]

So where is the problem?

_______________
Fagjunk Theology: Not just for sodomite propagandists anymore.

[Evil Captor]

OK, I think you should do the Sitcom thing. Ask someone you respect but whom you don't know well -- maybe a co-worker or something -- about it, but couch your request in terms that are so vague that he or she is sure to misunderstand and give you advice that makes no sense. Do exactly what she or he says anyway. This may involve activities that will get you arrested. Actually it probably will. Then, when she's about ready to tell you to take a flying leap, break down and explain that you were taking your friend's advice. When the truth comes out, she will see that although you are an idiot, you mean well. And forgive you. Hey, it works on TV.

Or you can just ask her. But it's a lot less dramatic.

[Tomcat]

Yes, ask her, but she might be too uncomfortable to talk about it...

Disclaimer: I am assuming you are young.

The thing is, is that she might take a long time to get comfortable with her own sexuality. Having a boyfriend who gets insecure and pissy because of this just makes matters worse. She's giving you head and you're getting upset...not a good combo. Keep up with the compliments, tell her how much she means to you and buy her flowers. The simple stuff works to make women feel more comfortable. And if she says she doesn't know, take that at face value and not as an evasion. She quite possibly doesn't know and has feelings to work through first.

You can try massage and move on from there. If you feel insecure or that you are using her, then maybe you can work out a compromise. Tell her that you want her to feel good physically because she makes you feel so good physically. Trade sex for massage. It sounds course, but I've never known a woman to turn it down! 30 minutes of massage for 10 minutes of head...not a bad deal in many girl's minds!

Promise not to touch her hoochie, and keep that promise, if you don't, then you could break the trust and make her feel uncomfortable. Get her nekkid and give her a full-body massage for a long time, and then ASK if she wants you to do anything. If she doesn't want to, she got a great massage and will be more than happy to reciprocate to you something nice. If she says she doesn't know if she does or what she wants...hmmm...One thing you could try would be along MissBungle's route. Give her a long massage, then place your knee right *there* and continue to give her a massage. She can grind if she wants. Let her lead.

If that is all she is prepared for now, then so be it. But make it a good massage- file and clean your nails, light candles and incense, get a good oil, etc. A good book or video to get would be the Playboy Sensual Massage if you have no clue what a good massage entails. That or post here asking how to give a good massage.

Also, if she is really shy and feels uncomfortable talking about this...write her a letter. Explain what you are feeling. She'll probably reply.

Take care-
-Tcat

[Indygrrl]

Originally posted by Belrix
Perhaps a sex toy or two? Lingerie? Body lotions? Massage Oils? Anything to add something that's different but still safe.

Get a nice catalog of stuff, Xandria springs to mind (Website) and pick something out together.

The together part is really important.

Um, I think they're like 16 or something. Something tells me that sex toys would have her more freaked out than she already is.

Maybe she's just not ready.

[whiterabbit]

If she's that unsure, then for the moment, QUIT TRYING. See if you can get her to talk about it, but don't pressure her into ANYTHING. If she's just not ready, for whatever reason, don't make a big deal about it.

I realize you want her to be happy, but she may be happier if you two aren't so physical. And if she needs help from outside, she should get it.

Sex is scary at first. I was freaked out, and I was 25!

[flood]

Neither of us are new to sex. Neither of us are virgins either. In fact, we have already had sex with each other. I'm just wondering what else I can do (besides sex that is) to get her to um...yeah well you know. I'm not frustrated or anything and I'm certainly not conveying that to her either. I guess the best thing to do is just talk to her like you all have said. I did though, and her excuse for not liking oral was that "she doesnt like the way it feels and its just gross" . That's why I'm at a loss. But, its not like our relationship is based on sex either. I spend alot of time with her and in any given week we only spend about 3 or 4 hours doing something sexual (not including kissing and making out). I was just wondering what the deal was.

[Koffing]

Despite popular belief, not every woman likes receiving oral sex.

[whiterabbit]

If she doesn't like oral, she doesn't like it. There are men out there who don't like it either.

Even if you're both not new to sex, I still suggest the no-pressure approach. Don't even hint at pushing her into anything she doesn't want to do. For whatever reason, it sounds like she's not really comfortable with sex. She might have had a really bad prior experience or something.

[catnoe]

It took me a while to get over my unease of receiving oral sex. First boyfriend wasn't into giving, nor were some that followed. And of course, I wasn't comfortable with having a head between my legs, I liked sex but was uncomfortable with myself sexually, was I clean enough, what will he think, what if he tries to kiss me after?

It took awhile but I got over all that, I don't get off on it often but it feels good, like a very sexy massage. And Hubby enjoys doing it and I do get off on that. It's not for everyone.

TMI?