I Let Her Walk Away.....

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

This is an update of a thread which can be found here

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=183098

called “I Love You, But I’ll Be Leaving You In Two Years”

It was closed at my request, but since so many of you took the trouble to post in that thread, and some have communicated with me via e-mail, I asked Arnold for permission to update you and to close the whole thing out, as it were…

As I stated in the thread, I had decided to stay in the relationship until it ended with her moving away, but events in the last week changed my mind, and I have decided to end things on my own.

She left to go on vacation with her kids last Thursday. Since we both work the same shift that only left us the weekend before to spend time together (we only have the same off days every other weekend). I decided to not ask if she were coming over and let her take the initiative. Didn’t hear from her all weekend. No “sorry, can’t make it”, no nothing. If you are asking yourselves, “well why didn’t you call her?”, the answer is that I’m always the one who suggests we see each other. I wanted her to do it this time. I needed to know if she cared enough about me to be with me before she left for her two week vacation.

We worked the same shift the Wednesday before she left Thursday morning and she came to my office where I was doing some paperwork and sat down. I stopped what I was doing and waited… and waited…Finally she said “I’ll catch you later”, got up and walked down the hall. No words of explanation. Nothing.

I let her walk. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. As I stated in the other thread, the relationship hasn’t always been honey and roses, but we always seemed to be able to work things out before.

So that’s it. I’ll start dating again and hopefully will find someone who will pay some attention to me for a change.

Thanks to those of you who responded in the first thread, and if you thought it couldn’t last much longer, well, you were right.

And yes, I got the tattoo. Those 5 years meant something to me and I will always think of her fondly.

Quasi

2

I didn’t go to your other thread but I can see how painful it was. I’ve had to do similar things and it’s really hard.

peace,
Eilsel

3

You’ve done the right thing, mate. It will get easier, even though it doesn’t seem like it now.

Pontification from guy twenty years your junior over. Please insert coin to continue… :smiley:

4

:frowning: I feel bad for you Quasimodem What a hard thing to have to do.

5

It sounds like you were the adult in this relationship, Quasi. Which is very difficult. Good for being strong enough to do it, and you do realize this frees you up to meet someone who will be right for you. Having made my share of relationship mistakes, I can say that learning from them is always tough but usually leads to better things down the road. But it’s still no fun when it happens.

6

You took the only route open to you, Quasi. Things will get better. Peace, Bro.

7

Man, I’m sorry.

Breaking up, even when it’s better for you, is one of the hardest things in life to do.

I know. I was there all last year. The Year From Hell. We got back together so many times, broke up so many times… I was seriously anxious everytime i saw her on caller ID.

Then, I took a stand. Told her the choice was hers, but here’s the choice: Stay with me and we both work things out from now on. Or leave. And don’t come back this time.

3 years is enough time to make up your mind, I think. And yes, I did buy her a diamond. I was quite willing to make a committment. She was willing to behave erraticly and come back to my loving arms each time.

Yeah, I was a fool. That’s love for ya, huh?

But, things have settled down a lot now. I even have a very nice girl who believes she may love me. But, now I’m the one behaving erraticly.

However, I am working on this. With her.

Why am I ranting in your thread? To show you that you’re not alone. That you can get by this. That there very well may be others.

But, please, for your own sake (and the next her), give yourself some time. It really does help.

And I feel for you, Q. Really, I do. :frowning:

8

Quasi, wishing you peace and comfort right now. Like John Carter said, things will get better. You did the right thing - I hope you realize that.

Ava

9

I’m sorry you’re hurting, Quasi, but I think you’re seeing now that she really was treating you like she just expected you to put up with whatever she wanted to do. She wanted the “comfort” of being in a relationship until she left, and it sounds like she ignored you a lot. You deserve better, and I hope you find it.

10

Thanks, y’all. But you know what? Yeah, I’ll miss her and I’m sad that things turned out the way they did, but I can “breathe” again, dammit And I don’t have to “walk on eggshells” anymore wondering and worrying If we’ll see each other this time or that time.

Plus there are some ladies who work with me who have given me the “signal” that they’d be interested in me if I were free.

That doesn’t mean I’m gonna rush into the nearest set of arms. What that means is, I can take my time and I don’t have to be alone if I don’t want to be!

Hell yeah, it was tough, but the alternative (the waiting for the move and the strange turn the relationship took after she told me that) would have been much worse.

Thanks again, my friends.

Q

11

I toast you Quasi, I assume you will be listening to some Johnny tonight. “I see a darkness”.

12

Sorry to hear about your troubles, friend. Here, have a virtual beer and head over to the Doper Dating thread. I’ll fix you up with a nice woman.

13

It was a hard thing you did but you did the right thing. If she wasn’t going to treat you in the way you deserve to be treated then she doesn’t deserve you. And you shouldn’t be the one to always be suggesting and taking the step when she won’t.

I ended a relationship the same way. He would always wait for me to do things and I always hate making decision on my own when it should be a “together” thing. Of course, he turned out to be a real jerk in the end and turned people who I thought were my friends against me. Granted, seeing how three guys have treated me disgustingly, I haven’t dated since.

14

I’m so sorry, Quasi. But you did the right thing. A relationship takes the work of both people. And if she wasn’t willing to do her share to keep it going, then it’s doomed to failure. And you deserve someone who’s going to try.

15

Ditto the sentiments already posted, Quasi. You deserve better than she was prepared to give. Good luck!

16

Sorry that you got hurt, but as Kathy Bates’ character in Misery put it, “It’s for the best”.

Wow. That was kinda sick, eh? You know what I mean, though. :slight_smile:

17

Quasi, you already know my feelings on this topic. It’s time to use all those massage pointers you recieved in that other thread. [grin] I’m not going to say that I hope you can do better because I know you will do better. You’re a good man who deserves a nice woman. Go for it! Being ignored or left alone is never worth it.

18

Sorry to hear about your relationship woes Quasi. How’s the job search/relocation plan coming along?

19

Big skanky love, Quasi; I’m sorry for your heartache.

But I’m also incredibly jealous; I wanna retire in Germany toooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Where in Germany, btw?

20

Tried to post this right at the 5am witching hour. That didn’t work.
Quasi, as I’ve said already, I’m sorry that you’re going through this. You stuck it out, you did your best and you had the courage to let go. Once something breaks like that, at least in my experience, it’s almost impossible to fix it. Sometimes, if both people are really committed you might be able to start again, but it won’t be the same.
That broken piece is always hanging out there somewhere.
Good thoughts to you for peace and healing. (And a good massage, too :D)