I feel... so... dirty.

The BBQ Pit
1

Okay, I’m going to be up front and tell you guys that this is probably a pretty lame rant. Please, be kind… (I know, I know, this is the BBQ Pit. Oh well. I have to tell my story.)

It has been raining off and on for days here in the fair Black Swamp region of Ohio. Since we are not only in a drained swamp, but also situated directly on top of a vein of limestone that begins three feet below the soil, our free-range poultry farm area is deluged with swampy, shit-smelling water. This morning, I went out to do the feed-and-water routine, slipping through acres of smeary muck to feed the almost desperately grateful chickens, ducks, geese, turkeys, guineas, and pheasants. The pheasants’ cage is partially flooded, and we can’t move it until the mud dissipates later in the year. Luckily, their shelter is not in the flood zone, but nevertheless I had to trudge through a foot of water to get to their feed bowl.

Our own personal manure-scented swamp is not expected to improve until May when it recedes, or (possibly tomorrow) the next time it freezes over into a brown skating rink. This, of course, brings a new set of troubles, possibly with its own rant. But back to my story… I know, for the animals, it is worse, as at least part of their area puts them up to their little avian knees in brown muck. But for me, it’s a serious matter not only of being covered in nasty swamp mud at least once a day this time of year, but the attendant problem of the extra load or two of laundry… each time my SO or I complete this chore, an entire outfit of clothing goes down to the basement, so incredibly mucky and contaminated it shouldn’t even be worn any longer, and probably shouldn’t be allowed near other laundry, but I really don’t know where else to put it.

Yeucchh.

To top it all off, little ggurl (11 years old and wont to use whole rolls of toilet paper at a time, despite constant reminders) plugged up the toilet while I was outside working. When we got indoors after a frightened plea for help from the front door, toilet water was cascading all over the bathroom while little ggurl futilely churned the extra-heavy duty plunger around in the bowl. I made matters worse by trying (and failing) to plunge properly and flushed, causing yet another shower of poopy water onto the floor.

An entire hour of myself and my daughter tag team disinfecting the bathroom (and feeling totally eww-ey) ensued. There is no amount of globs of hand sanitizer and squirts of disinfectant spray that could make any of us feel clean at this point. Today has been a day that began and ended with me feeling as if sewage-infested water is chasing me, splashing on my clothes, flooding my very existence! Acckkkk! Get it off! Get it off!!!

Ick, yuck, ewwww, arrrrrrggggghhhhh!!!

And now, for another hot shower.

2

But on the bright side you have a mudwrestling pit in your back yard. And you have girl-children so they don’t appreciate the adventures in getting dirty :slight_smile:

3

Your story reminds me of the scene in The Divine Secrets of the YaYa Sisterhood when Vivi is assaulted by her sick children’s vomit and diarrhea.

4

Strange, and sometimes icky, how these things work out. It all sounds linked together. You have my sympathies, and remember that this, too, shall pass! Peace, K.S.L.

5

you need some boots, a slicker, a hose and a mud room

6

Welcome to the Boards, kaneslatranz (and the Pit, too - very brave!)

Just so ya know, most people don’t quote entire posts here. It’s our standard operating procedure to <snip> out the parts of a quote that we aren’t addressing in our own reply. Just a general reply to an OP doesn’t really require quoting at all - we use it when addressing something specific that a previous poster has written.

Okay, enough pontificating. Back to your regularly scheduled rant.

ggurl, you need HazMat suits for your farm. :smiley:

7

It could’ve been worse.

You water pipes could’ve been traveling under that muddy water, and had a major leak allowing that muddy water to get in, so that in the middle of your shower you get that muck sprayed on you.

8

Our main sewer lines have backed up twice in the last two weeks. I refuse to write a description of this. I can only say, my dad had been sick with diarrhea for three days previous to this second backup. It was so far beyond disgusting, words fail me. Once was a mildly amusing, character-building experience. Twice was just stupid.
-Lil

9

I think this is actually a pretty good rant.

10

Get yourself some waders. And tell the girl that the next time she blocks the toilet you’ll spank her - and follow through. From your description, it seems like she sees it as a game.

11

At 11, the girl’s likely in 6th or 7th grade. A bit too old for a “spanking”, if you ask me. Although, if she continues over-clogging after seeing the consequences, I’d have zero guilt about making her clean it up by herself next time…

Anyway, ggurl it sounds like it was a shitty day [sub]groan[/sub]. Hope today is better–it looks like we’re gonna get that cold snap, so at least the smell should be better, right? :slight_smile:

ps–whereabouts are you? I’m in the area too.

12

Belladonna , little ggurl will totally be cleaning the toilet mess up by herself next time if it ever happens again. Plus possibly paying for a new ceiling in the basement :frowning: . BTW, we are in the Findlay, Ohio area. How about you?

(In other news, I’m starting to feel clean… off to the next hot shower!! :))

13

Damn, I thought this OP involved sex, I feel cheated.

14

Oh, eww, eww, eww! Poor you! You have so much sympathy from me . . . at this point, I would be in the shower scrubbing for several days.

Oh, and make your kid clean the toilet water herself next time!

15

So…the pheasants are revolting?

16

I just wanted to give you credit for this. This is very funny. :slight_smile:

17

Not wanting to hijack too much, but I’m from Bryan. I know of this swamp that you speak of. And plugged toilets too.

When my son was two, he decided to flush a bar of soap. You can’t plunge a bar of soap. So being the man of the house, I had to stick my hand in there with a small knife and cut and push and cut and push and flush with warm water from a hose for about an hour. Until the damn thing finally went down.

Did I mention the germ phobia I have (ok not phobia really but close). It seems almost amusing 15 years later, almost.

18

I’m a life-long user of what many consider “too much” toilet paper. Have clogged my fair share of toilets too. (which is always incredibly embarrassing, I’m sure little ggurl is plenty embarrassed just having to 'fess up to her mom. Imagine if she knew a whole message board was aware of her problem :o )

Anyway, finally learned that I have to flush in stages to avoid clogging toilets. ggulr, it won’t solve the problem of constantly buying TP (which I solved by switching to Scott tissue and buying in bulk), but maybe you could suggest to your daughter that it’s OK to have to flush a couple of times. Plus, teach her (and yourself, it sounds like you also flooded the boathroom) how to open up the back of the tank and force down the flap if the toilet is ever in danger of overflowing. Pushing down the flap will prevent more water from entering the bowl and flooding out.

As far as the swampy, chicken crap yard, I agree with you: eeewwww…

19

Finagle, quit making me giggle uncontrollably. I’m trying to get some work done here.

20

tremorviolet , I never thought of little ggurl’s potential embarrassment!! Now I feel guilty :(. Oh and thanks for the advice. We’ll definitely try it. (Heck, I’m sort of plagued with guilt as a matter of course anyway… )

Snow and cold today; some of the mud, muck, and ick is definitely going to be solidified by tomorrow. Thank goodness.