This is sort of a lame pit rant, but I’m looking for some advice, so I’m putting it here.
My evil mother-in-law (EMIL) is trying to guilt trip us into giving her money. She doesn’t give a rats ass about any of her kids except her jailbird son. She treats my wife like crap. I could tell stories about her greediness and selfishness, but I’ll just focus on the situation at hand.
EMIL is in her late fifties and is a widow. She’s living with a man whose house is paid off and pays for things such as utilities, groceries, etc. She is receiving my late FIL’s pension and social security. She also works part time as a hospice nurse and receives the pay under the table.
FIL’s father passed away last year, three years after FIL passed away. FIL had in his will to leave any money left to him by his father to my wife and her siblings. After about a year in probate court we received a check for $13,000 yesterday. We are thrilled to have this money because we are in a lot of debt.
A little background about us. My wife has a chronic illness that requires at least 3 doctors office visits per week, and we often have to go to the emergency room for some reason. She takes several medications, where the copays total about $200 a month. She is unable to work and has been applying for disability. I’m a software engineer with a good salary, but it’s barely enough to keep up with medical bills and whatnot.
As much as I dislike EMIL, My wife dislikes her even more. They don’t get along and my wife dreads any time that we have to see her. There are a number of reasons for this, but the big part of it is EMIL turned a blind eye to my wife being sexually abused for years as a child. My wife feels we owe her nothing.
Guilt Trip #1
Two of my sisters three siblings agreed to give $5000 to EMIL when they get their inheritance money. They agreed to this a few years ago. My wife was not in on the agreement. But EMIL assumed my wife was in on it. We explained last August that we never agreed to it and the money will help us wipe out much of our debt. At the time she seemed to accept it. A few weeks ago, when we got news we would soon be getting the money, EMIL blew a gasket when we reminded her that we are keeping all the money. She demanded that we pay her. My wife said no. EMIL says were screwing her over and putting her in the financial ruin.
Options:
- Pay her the $5000 and be done with it.
- Tell her to screw off and not pay a dime. (My wife’s choice)
- Tell her we’ll pay her if/when my wife receives her disability settlement. (My choice)
Guilt Trip #2
I was layed off in 10-2001 and again in 11-2002. My wife asked EMIL for some money to make ends meet during my periods of unemployment. IIRC, she had given us a total of $700. EMIL says we owe her $3000 for money that she had loaned us when I was out of work. 1) No way in hell did she give us that much. I’m certainly willing to entertain the possibility that it is more than $700, but $3000 ??? 2) She never said it was a loan at the time she gave us the money. Fine. We’ll pay her what we owe her, but I want proof. I’m willing to admit that I should have kept track of how much she gave us, but I would have remembered $3000.
Options:
- Tell her as gently as possible that we would like to see copies of the cancelled checks. Then we will pay her immediately after.
- Tell her to screw off (Again, my wife favors this option)
- Send her $700 and tell her we want to see copies of the cancelled checks before we pay any more (My choice)
EMIL goes back and forth from demanding this money to pleading with us. We are considering just paying her the total of $8000 to get her off our backs, but we know it won’t end there. She’ll find other ways to take advantage of us. I don’t pretend know her financial situation, but I think she has a car payment and that’s about it. She spends money on things like excursions of riverboat casinos a few times a year and spent a week in Las Vegas last month. Her actions tell me she’s not in dire straits.
So should we pay her? Demand proof on the “loan”? Forget her?